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WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT ANYMORE?
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2025-12-11 23:11:36
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FOUR SHADES OF DREY KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE
Chapter 74AureliaI felt his eyes on my back the whole way to the door, and I let him have that. Let him sit there turning over every word I'd said, wondering how much I knew, how much I'd planned, how much of tonight had been an accident at all.None of it had been.I stepped out into the cool night air and let out a breath I'd been holding since the second I walked through that door and saw him sitting there. My heart was going harder than I wanted it to. Five years, and one look at Drayton's face had still managed to reach in and grab something.That was fine. I'd expected that. I'd trained for it, the same way you train for anything that's going to hurt, by doing it small and controlled first so the real thing doesn't knock you flat.I got into the car and told the driver to take me home. Then I sat back, closed my eyes, and let myself remember, because tonight had cracked the door open whether I wanted it to or not.The mattress in that flat above the launderette came first, th
FOUR SHADES OF DREY SHE'S BACK
Chapter 73DreytonShe was taller somehow, though I knew that wasn't possible, it must have just been the way she carried herself now. Head up. Shoulders back. Dark auburn hair loose down her back instead of scraped into a bun under a hood. She wore a dress that didn't hide a single inch of her, and she wore it like she'd never once in her life wanted to disappear.This wasn't the girl who used to fold herself into oversized jackets, who used to keep her eyes on the floor and her voice below a whisper. This woman walked through that door like the room belonged to her.But I knew her. God help me, I knew exactly who she was."Ton?" Dreyden's voice again, sharper now. "Ton, you've gone silent on us. What's going on?"I didn't answer. I couldn't. My eyes were locked on her face, waiting for her to notice she was in a room full of strangers, waiting for the moment to pass so I could breathe again.Then her eyes found mine.And she smiled.Not the shy, grateful smile I remembered from a l
FOUR SHADES OF DREY JUST WATCHING THE ROOM
Chapter 72DraytonFive years.Five years and I still ended up in this same bar at least twice a month, sitting on the same stool, nursing the same drink, like some part of me was stuck on repeat and couldn't find the next track.I'd come straight from the gym. My knuckles still ached under the wrap I hadn't bothered taking off properly, just loosened enough to hold a glass. Boxing had started as something to do with my hands so they didn't end up doing something worse. Somewhere along the way it had turned into more than that. I'd gone professional two years back, quiet about it at first, entering under a name that wasn't Drey, just to see if I could do it without the family attached. Turned out I could. Turned out I was good."You still there?" Dreyden's voice came through my earpiece, steady over the noise of the bar."I'm here," I said, turning the glass in slow circles on the counter. "Just tired. Long week. Went a full six rounds tonight.""The Hong Kong deal's basically done,
FOUR SHADES OF DREY EXACTLY HOW I WANTED IT TO STAY
Chapter 71AureliaI didn't stop walking until I was back in my room, and even then, my legs kept moving. Pacing. Like my body hadn't got the message yet that there was nowhere left to run to.I sat on the edge of my bed and I cried. Not the quiet kind from the night before. This was ugly and loud, the kind that comes from somewhere lower than your chest, somewhere I didn't know I had left after everything else this week had already taken out of me. I cried until my throat was raw and my head throbbed and there was nothing left in me to cry with.Then I stopped, because something colder had taken its place.I looked around my room. The desk where I used to do my reading before any of this started. The window where I used to watch the quad and tell myself maybe this year wouldn't be complete torture. The bed where I'd once believed, stupidly, happily, that I'd finally found somewhere I belonged.I couldn't stay here.I shouldn't have come here in the first place, trying to prove I cou
FOUR SHADES OF DREY I STAYED EXACTLY WHERE I WAS
Chapter 70DreyvenI stood there in the hallway, and the second her eyes landed on me, I saw her recognise me.She knew who I was without a single word from anyone, something in my chest caved in completely.She looked wrecked. Standing there in the middle of my living room with her arms wrapped around herself like she was trying to hold her own body together, and I had done that. Me. Me. Me. It's all on me. This whole stupid, cruel game I'd started over one slap in an elevator.I opened my mouth. "Ari...""Don't," she said, and her voice was so quiet it was almost worse than if she'd screamed. "Don't you dare say my name right now."I closed my mouth. My hands were shaking at my sides, and I hated that. I hated that after everything, the only thing I could feel now was this sick, twisting need to cross the room and hold her. But I couldn't.I didn't move. I knew better than that. How do I solve this? How do I wipe those invisible tears off her. How do I mend her heart back to how it
FOUR SHADES OF DREY OH MY GOD
Chapter 69Aurelia"Ari," he started, reaching for me. "Let me explain, please, just...""Who am I talking to?" I asked again, my voice flat and even, cutting straight through whatever he was about to build. "You still haven't answered me." His shoulders dropped. Something in his face gave way, like a wall crumbling from the inside out.But I wasn't a fool to believe this fake look on him."Drayton," he said quietly. "My name is Drayton."The name landed in my chest like a stone dropped down a well. It took a second to hit the bottom."Drayton," I repeated, testing the shape of it. It didn't sound like him. It didn't sound like anyone I knew. "Alright."I made myself breathe in and out, my hands had gone cold."And who did I kiss in the car yesterday, Drayton?" I didn't know how but I was sure he wasn't the one.He looked at me then, and there was something in his face I hated more than guilt. Pity. Like he felt sorry for me. Like I was something small and broken that needed to be ha
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