LOGINMy boyfriend Julian is a chess grandmaster, a genius. At sixteen, he became the youngest grandmaster in North American history. I gave him ten years of my life, but a ring was never on the table. But when he reached the pinnacle of his career and won the Grand Slam, he still refused to break the pact he'd made with his family about his career. "According to my plan, I'm not considering marriage or any other form of long-term commitment until all my goals are achieved." I didn't argue with him. I quietly packed his luggage for the World Championship and wished him the best. He had no idea that at the very moment he was lifting the championship trophy with the world watching, I was dragging my failing body to sign my own name on a euthanasia consent form.
View MoreSummer, Torres Family Mansion
Walang tigil sa pagnguya ng chewing gum ang isang dalaga habang prenteng nakahiga sa mamahaling sofa ng kanilang mansiyon. Makinis at malaporselana ang balat ng dalaga na parang kumikinang sa sinag ng araw. Makurba at makapal ang kaniyang mga kilay, maamo ang kaniyang mukha at mala-dyosa ang hubog ng kaniyang katawan na animo isang karakter na nagmula sa isang sining sa museyo. Pinalobo niya ang chewing gum sa kaniyang mapupulang labi, hanggang sa maging halos kasing laki ito ng kaniyang mukha. “That worthless, Farrah doesn’t deserve me. Wala na akong balak ituloy ang kasal namin!” Turan ng isang lalaking nakatayo sa pinto, samantalang ang dalaga sa sofa ay taas ang kilay na nakatingin sa binata. Hindi mapakali si Francia Torres—ina ni Farrah Torres noong marinig niya iyon sa lalaking dumating. “Mr. Javier, hindi kita masisisi. Kasalanan ito ni Farrah. Pasaway siya, hindi nakapag-aral at puro kalokahan lang ang alam. Ngunit ang kasalang ito ay kasunduan sa pagitan ng inyong mga Lolo, hindi ito maaaring baliin na lamang ng basta.” Nanlilisik ang mga mata ni Francia noong tumunghay sa anak matapos sabihin iyon. “Nakatayo ka pa riyan? Wala ka bang balak lumapit dito at humingi ng pasensya kay Mr. Javier, at mangakong hindi mo na siya ipapahiya at magloloko kahit kailan!” Bumuntong hininga si Farrah at binalik sa bibig ang kanina pang pinalolobong chewing gum. Tumingin siya sa lalaki. Pumilantik ang kaniyang mahahabang pilikmata sa kaniyang pagtunghay sa binata. Mayabang na tingin ang pinukol ng maamo niyang mga mata at nakataas naman ang perpekto niyang kilay. “Ako, hihingi ng tawad sa kaniya? Isn’t he the one who should apologize to me? Siya ang unang sumira sa kasunduan nang walang paalam at kung ano-ano pang masasamang salita ang binitawan niya laban sa akin. Sinabi niya pang wala akong kwenta para sa kaniya.” Nanlumo si Francia sa mga tinuran ng anak, halos hindi na maipinta ang kulay ng kanyang mukha dahil sa pinagsasabi ng dalaga. Muling nagpatuloy si Farrah sa pagsasalita. “Isa pa, hindi ako gumawa ng kalokohan, paano ko siya pinahiya? Siya nga itong palikero at nakikipagbolhan sa kung sino-sinong babae diyan, he’s a playboy. Kaya mas mainam pa ngang tigilan na ang kalokohang kasalang ito, para hindi niya na ako mapahiya!” “Farrah Torres! Ikaw—” Nagtatagis ang mga bagang na sigaw ni Francia sa anak, ngunit nahinto ito sa pagsasalita ni Caius Javier. “Tama na ang usapang ito. Maganda lang si Farrah, pero hindi ako hibang para patulan at pakasalan ang tulad niya. Kahit lumuhod at yumuko pa siya sa harapan ko ngayon, ay nunca akong magpapakasal sa tulad niya. Because my heart is already owned by someone who deserves me—” He said, and his eyes adoringly gazed at the top of the staircase. “Quina Torres.” “Caius, my love!” Nagmamadaling lumakad pababa si Quinna sa hagdan halata ang excitement sa kaniyang mga mukha. “Nana!” Malalaki ang mga hakbang na umakyat ang lalaki, sinalubong niya ng yakap ang iniibig na dalaga. They hugged each other. “We can finally get married!” madramang turan ni Quinna, maluha-luha pa siya habang sinasabi iyon. “I’m sorry, Nana. I didn’t mean to made you wait that long for me to cancel this engagement.” “It’s okay, I know that cancelling it is not that easy.” Patuloy pa rin sa paglalampungan ang hitad at ang palikero, noong makatanggap ng mensahe sa kaniyang cellphone si Farrah. Scholar Trinidad, your research has reached the final stage. To secure your safety, the superiors sent the elites to protect you. We have arrived at the door of your residence. When will you come out? I’ll be there in a minute. Pagka-reply ni Farrah ay tinapon niya ang kanina pang nginunguyang chewing gum sa nakita niyang basuran at walang ano-anong tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo at lumakad papunta sa malaking pintuan ng mansiyon. Pasimpleng pinanonood ni Quina ang ginagawa ni Farrah. Napansin ng dalaga na paalis ito, sa palagay niya ay napahiya ito at hindi matanggap ang nasaksihan sa pagitan nila ni Caius. Nasaktan marahil ito sa pagkansela ni Caius sa engagement nila. Nanghihinayang si Quina dahil hindi pa man niya ito napapahiya ay nagwalk-out na agad ito. “Farrah, my dear sister! H’wag ka muna umalis. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t let this happen. Caius my love was supposedly my brother-in-law. Pero wala naman akong magagawa dahil nagmamahalan na kami. Hindi ko na siya kayang pakawalan. Kung galit ka sa amin, sa akin na lang. H’wag mo nang idamay sa galit mo si Caius my love!” Huminto si Farrah sa akmang paglabas at bumaling sa nagda-dramang babae. Blanko ang tingin ngunit nakataas ang kaniyang isang kilay noong tignan niya ang dalaga. “H’wag kang magmalinis, at lumayas ka na sa pamamahay na ito!” may diin sa bawat salitang binitawan niya. “Hindi mo ba ako kayang patawarin, my dear sister Farrah? Sige, saktan mo na lang ako! Ibaling mo sa akin ang lahat ng galit mo. Tell me anything you want to say to my face!” Lumapit si Quina kay Farrah. She took her hand and put it in her face. “Sampalin mo ako, Farrah.” Nanghahamong sabi nito kay Farrah. “Sige Farrah, subukan mo lang saktan si Nana, makikita mo ang hinahanap mo!” Sabad ni Caius na lumapit sa dalawa. Bago pa man makalapit si Caius ay nagmamadaling lumapit si Francia at tinabig ang nakataas na kamay ni Farrah. Malakas ang paghampas ng ginang sa kamay ng anak. Hinabol ng tingin ni Farrah ang nasaktang kamay. Kitang kita ang namumulang bakas ng kamay ni Francia sa braso ni Farrah. Dalawang sigundo ng nakabibinging katahimikan ang namagitan, inangat ni Farrah ang kaniyang paningin at itinuon iyon sa sariling ina. How could this woman—her own mother be so harsh to her. She loves her adopted daughter Quina than her, she was Francia’s real daughter. Her own mother who loves that bitch more than her. Siya na tunay na kadugo ng kaniyang ina ngunit wala itong kaamor amor sa tunay na anak. “Ma, walang kasalan si Farrah, it was me who caused this, I snatched her fiancé from her I—” madamdaming salaysay niya na namumula pa ang mata dahil sa pagpilit na pag-iyak, may paghikbi pa siyang nalalaman. Hindi pa man niya natatapos ang nais sabihin ay nagsalita na si Farrah. “How can a I blame you? You only think of yourself. Hindi mo kayang mabuhay nang walang lalaki. Lahat ng akin ay inagaw mo. Wala naman akong magagawa kasi natural na ‘yon sa’yo.” Sunod sunod na salaysay ni Farrah. Natahimik si Quina at hindi makapagsalita. Namula ang kaniyang mukha sa inis. “Farrah! Paano mo nagagawa ‘yang sabihin sa kapatid mo?! Where’s your manners?” Kitang kita sa mga mata niya ang disgusto sa inaasal ng anak. Sarkastiko ang ngiti sa mukha ni Farrah na hindi mawari kung masaya o galit siya. “Hindi ko siya kapatid. I never had a sister.” May diin ang mga salitang binitawan niya.By the time Julian arrived,the funeral was almost over.Dr. Martinez had finished my eulogy, and the children from the hospital bowed their heads in a moment of silence.This Christmas, every child's stocking would have its own gift.No one knew if anyone would remember them next year.The children's soft singing echoed in the quiet cemetery.A Christmas carol that, for some reason, brought tears to everyone's eyes.It was then that Julian saw my name on the gravestone.And my photograph, forever gazing back at him with a faint smile.Standing by the grave were the doctor, nurses, fellow patients, and children who had seen me off.Against the sea of solemn black, his tuxedo was a jarring sight.And yet, he was the one crying most desperately."Ava, what kind of joke is this?""You said you were at a retreat. You said you'd have no reception.""I believed everything you said. How could you just leave me like this?"I sat on my own gravestone, watching calmly as he fell to his knees, cl
For ten years, these people had grown tired of me, eager to cut all ties.They rushed to pick Julian up from the airport,to wash away the so-called bad luck with a happy occasion.To have him marry Chloe and continue the family's honor and status.Twenty minutes later, ceremonial cannons boomed in front of the estate.Julian flinched, staring in shock at the brightly lit mansion."What is this?" he asked, his voice tight with confusion."Quick, change into this," Julian's cousin handed him a black tuxedo."It's custom-made. A perfect fit."Julian mechanically took the suit.As I shook my head,Julian's mother nodded repeatedly, pulling Julian inside to change.When I first came to this family, Julian's mother had shown me the heirloom wedding dress.Back then, I had imagined what Julian would look like in a groom's tuxedo.He was just as I had pictured: broad shoulders, a narrow waist, the black tailcoat making him look impossibly elegant.The ceremony had been simplified to suit Juli
The moment he heard the news,Julian froze, as if his entire being had short-circuited.His expression flickered between shock and agony, his pale cheeks twitching.The man I thought wouldn't shed a single tear for me,he dazedly fumbled through his luggage and pulled out a worn fountain pen.It was the first gift I ever gave him, engraved with his initials.I had bought it with the money I saved from a part-time job for his eighteenth birthday.He pressed the pen to his cheek, rubbing it over and over until his skin was red.He stared blankly at the flickering flight information on the giant screen at JFK Airport.A broken smile twisted his lips."Impossible... She said she was at a wellness retreat..."Julian didn't dare finish the thought.But he was just too smart, too perceptive.He remembered how I shrank into myself at those high-society events.I watched as Julian covered his face, tears streaming through his fingers.He choked out, "Was she... was she all alone?"In the ten ye
When I filmed that video, I went to great lengths not to look so haggard.The side effects of chemotherapy had made me lose twenty-five pounds.Anything I managed to swallow came right back up.I thought I looked too worn out on camera, so I forced myself to spend half an hour putting on makeup.But when I saw my own inappropriately bright red lips in the mirror, it was a little frightening.I suddenly remembered a time I was with Julian at an interview, and I overheard some gossip reporters whispering in the restroom."If it weren't for her being Julian's girlfriend.""I really wouldn't want to do this interview. She's boring, has no charisma, and is bad for ratings.""Her on-camera presence is terrible. Chloe is so much more beautiful and radiant.""Too bad Chloe's interview schedule is completely booked..."After hearing that, I stood in the restroom practicing a few smiles, trying to seem more natural.I just never thought that after all that practice, when I finally sat in front o












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