Incubus Online: Buy One, Get One Free

I was born with a naturally cold constitution. No matter how many blankets I pile on in winter, my hands and feet stay icy all night long.

Lately, incubi have become wildly popular online. They look human, have puppy-like personalities, can do housework, and—most importantly—can warm your bed.

With winter fast approaching, I decided to buy one and give it a try.

But incubi aren't like ordinary products. They're living beings. Once you buy one, you're responsible for it for life—you can't just use it and toss it aside. You have to take responsibility for a life.

So I was careful. Before making a purchase, I did plenty of research online and read the comments online.

[Raising an incubus is just like raising a puppy! As long as you spend time with him and treat him well, he'll be devoted to you forever!]

[Incubi are clingy and loyal like dogs—just wave your hand, and he'll come running, tail wagging. Isn't that way better than a boyfriend?]

[Ladies, just go for it with your eyes closed! I bought one, and I'm here to report back! As long as you keep your incubus well fed, you can have him do anything! The experience is AMAZING!]

[Friendly reminder: ladies with weaker bodies shouldn't buy high-powered incubi—you won't be able to handle it!]

[Agreed! Incubi have way too much stamina. I was young and ignorant and bought the enhanced plus version. I've been lying in bed for two days now, and I've finally learned my lesson.]

I was a little confused. High stamina… does that mean incubi, like dogs, need to be taken out for walks?

I kept scrolling.

[Incubi come in many personalities—passionate, aloof, sunny, gloomy, steady, sharp-tongued… You must choose one that suits you!]

[And returns and exchanges are a nightmare! Many incubi are non-refundable once signed for!]

After reading all these user reviews, I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting into.

Still, my budget was limited. I waited several days before finally catching a shop online offering a massive discount.

I checked their storefront, but there were so many incubus posters I couldn't decide.

So I messaged customer service: [Hello, I'm looking for a gentle incubus who can warm my bed.]

I'd heard incubi tend to have higher body temperatures—perfect for warming my hands and feet. Besides, what if a succubus also suffered from cold intolerance?

Customer service replied: [Hello!]

A moment later, they sent over an incubus poster.

[Based on your needs, I recommend this one. This incubus will give you the ultimate tenderness and let you experience blissful pleasure every single night.]

That slogan was a little too dramatic, wasn't it?

[The one you're interested in is a flash-sale item—what great taste you have!]

Seeing that it was marked down by a full ninety percent made me hesitate.

Such a steep discount… could it be fake?

In the brief two minutes I hesitated, customer service seemed to read my mind.

[Hurry and place your order! All our incubi are quality guaranteed and in excellent health. And this discount is for today only! Once you miss it, it's gone! If you like it, place your order quickly.]

After that, they sent me a video of the incubus.

He sat neatly in place, his animal ears twitching slightly. His tea-colored eyes gazed quietly into the camera, as if saying, "Take me home, Master."

He was unbelievably well-behaved.

I fell for him at first glance.

Me: [Is this authentic? Is there any difference between the video and the real one?]