Chapter 9

Alicia’s POV 

“Can I—is it okay to give you a handjob?” It took every courage in me to say that and I waited, our eyes boring into each other’s soul. Was he going to say no? He wouldn’t, right? He did say it was okay to rub him through his shorts, he was enjoying it so why is he being hesitant now? It’s just a handjob. I asked for consent, that’s okay right? He’d let me do what I want for just tonight.

“Micheal, do you not want me to?” I tried to mask the hurt I was starting to feel by speaking in a low voice, at least he won’t hear how I’m about to break down if he says no. I watched his eyes stare down at my hand that was still underneath his shorts, unmoving. He felt so big, I wanted to just take it out and stare at it till it feeds my ‘big dick kink’ but I’m this close to losing all the excitement bones in me because he’s not saying anything. “If you don’t want me to—”

“I do, yes yes, go on.”

Oh finally. I smiled at him and gently used my free hand to pull his shorts alongside his underwear down and watched his cock spring free. Well—damn, God bless men with huge pretty dicks, it’s a beautiful sight. Even though I’m freaking out because this is the first actual penis I’ve seen in my whole life, watching porn doesn’t count, this is physical shit and I’m holding it so firmly, not ready to let go.

I swallowed, licking my lips in the process. I’m a smart girl so I’m sure the length was about 5 or 6 inches and the width, Jesus, maybe 3? I don’t know, I don’t care but he’s big enough, he’s feeding my kinks and fantasies right now. The head is flushed pink like I imagined and there’s a dribble of something whitish leaking from the opening, what the fuck is that? Should I ask? Nah, I’d probably ruin the moment. The head is mushroom shaped, like a cute crown and the body is even better, and again, like I imagined, there’s one vein running from the underside of his tip  all the way to the base.

I heard him chuckle, “Baby, are you going to stare at it all day or actually do something?”

Oh right, what was I supposed to do again? Oh yeah, a handjob, how do I do that? Should I text Anna and ask her? No, that’d be weird. Okay, Ughmm, let’s just calm down and think. I’ve watched a good amount porn and thanks to Anna’s influence, she’s a bad influence and in the videos I’ve seen, the female runs her hand up and down the guy’s length, sometimes with two hands but I’ll start with one. 

My hand moved just like I’ve seen in those videos, up and down and I watched Micheal shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He likes it, it feels good for him but it’s dry, I don’t like that it’s not slippery, I want it slippery and messy. In the videos I’ve seen, the girl sometimes uses her saliva to make it wetter and messier but I don’t know if that’s something Micheal would like. Again, she uses the white liquid that dribbles out of the guy’s tip to make it messy so I think I should do that.

“Micheal, can I—” should I ask first or just do it? I wanna ask, I wanna make it perfect for him. “Can I make it messier with you know—Ughmm—”

“Let me do that for you baby.” 

Eh? I watched him gently rub against his tip, his bottom lip trapped in between his teeth and he stroked himself all the way to the base using the white liquid leaking from his opening and I just watched. There were two things throbbing inside me at the same time, my heart and my vagina, yeah, God. Is this what it feels like to watch someone give themselves pleasure? I heard him groan, his hand moving up and down his length faster, pumping with ecstasy. Isn’t this what I’m supposed to be doing? Why’s he doing all the work?

Should I stop him? Should I snap him out of it? But he looks so sexy this way with his eyes shut, his bottom lip still trapped between his teeth, his hand giving himself pleasure and his grunts, heavy breathing and moaning sounds so good that I wanna sound that way too. I want him to make me sound that way too. His cock looked so much bigger now, was it because he got harder or he was doing a better job giving himself a handjob that I suggested? I’m just staring, waiting for him to let go so I can take over but he looks like he’s enjoying himself too much.

Once again, I feel like a fool. Micheal isn’t sexually attracted to me at all maybe because I have no experiences whatsoever, would he prefer his ex-girlfriend over me? He just isn’t and he makes it so obvious all the time. I’ll just go home, he probably wouldn’t notice if I got off his lap and left right now so I did just that and yes, this bastard didn’t notice.

**************

I felt sick to my stomach. For once, I begged him to let me do something for him, I asked him and he said he was okay with it but in the end, he ended up doing something that I wanted to do for him. He’s such an asshole and I hate that I’m close to crying over that. Why does he make me feel so bad all the time? I understand that probably a lot of guys wouldn’t want to be with a virgin, an inexperienced person but it’s not that bad, you could teach me and tip toe around my inexperience till I get the hang of it but still, he just does the whole thing himself.

I feel sick to my stomach. My phone vibrated in my room and I rushed out to grab it, my toothbrush hanging loosely in my mouth. It was a text from my mum saying she wasn’t coming back tonight because she has to work overtime but there’s some Mac-n-cheese in the oven that I could heat up and eat with Jason. I sent her a quick text not to overwork herself and I was about to toss my phone and continue back in the bathroom until I saw a text from Anna. I smiled, rushing to check it but I wish I didn’t. My breath got caught in my throat, and I’m sure if anyone saw me right now, they’d see how all the colour has drained from my face.

Anna sent me a picture of Micheal and his ex-girlfriend, Betty, the sorority girl and in the picture, they were making out. Another text came in and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

Anna: [This was taken about an hour ago, I’m so sorry love but I had to show you.]

I felt the first teardrop land on the screen of my phone and I violently wiped my eyes. I wasn’t going to cry, it’s my fault anyways for believing in what we had. An hour ago? So this was taken after I had left? He had to call her over to finish what I barely started? Was I that horrible at it? I was trying too!! I was doing something I’ve never done before just because I like him so much and he couldn’t even appreciate my efforts. I was full on crying now and my toothbrush wasn’t making matters easier for me so I rushed back into the bathroom to rinse my mouth and wash my face off any threatening tears but staring at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t help it, I broke down in tears again.

I think I cried for two hours or more and I didn’t bother to look at my appearance because I knew I looked a mess. At least I combed my hair out of my forehead and tried to wash my face but anyone would still tell that I cried, at least I’m home alone so that doesn’t matter. Micheal has been calling and shooting me texts that I didn’t bother checking, of course he’d know I’ve seen it. He didn’t call or text when I left his place because he didn’t care, he doesn’t love me at all but he was quick to call now because he knows I’ve seen that picture. I always knew there was something suspicious about him and his ex because how do people not shut up about them?!. She’s gorgeous, I’m gorgeous too! I won’t sell myself short because my boyfriend prefers her. I won’t call myself ugly because I’m not and I’m sure as hell not going to feel insecure about myself when I’m better than her, just a virgin and she’s this embodiment of a sex goddess.

I’m going to cry again but maybe with hot mac-n-cheese in my mouth. I walked down the stairs and into the living room, walking into the kitchen afterwards and I stopped dead in my tracks, Jason was in the kitchen. He was staring at his phone and he was shirtless. I could just turn around, run and miss out on a beautiful sight of a hot man half naked? No, thank you.

He’s so beautiful and his skin feels so glazed with honey. I should leave because I’m not only in tiny shorts that have a bit of my ass cheeks peeking out but I cried and I’m sure he’d be able to tell but looking at him, his pretty hands adorned with rings, I don’t wanna go. I wonder how they’d feel if he touched me. Will it hurt to have his rings digging into my skin when his hands are roaming all over my body?

He turned around and I held my breath, goodness, his hair is all wet and shiny and curly and that undercut needs to cut me! For fuck’s sake, what’s that dark ink on his hipbone, is that a tattoo? A freaking hip tattoo that’s disappeared into his pants. Christ. I watched his eyes glance over my body shamelessly and there was something in those gorgeous green eyes. Did he find me attractive the way I do him? 

“Hey, I was about to come get you, you want me to make you food?”

No, I want you.