MasukJULIAN
I hate going to parties. Always have, ever since I was a kid. Maybe it’s the noise, or it’s the being around people, or maybe it’s the forced social interaction. Whatever it is, I do my best to avoid parties. But one thing I can’t do is say no to Theo. Which is how I find myself in Rose Clarke’s mansion, attending her boisterous, and quite frankly, pointless party. All because Theo asked me to. I’m almost regretting saying yes as the DJ switches to another song. I wince. I already know that by morning, I’ll be struggling with a migraine. And it won’t be because of the alcohol. The music is too loud. It pounds against my skull, heavy bass vibrating through the floor and up my spine. The air is thick with alcohol, sweat, and expensive perfume clinging to bodies that are way too close to me. I hate parties like this. But Theo loves them. And where he goes, I follow. I stand beside him near the edge of the room, a red plastic cup in my hand that I haven’t touched. My eyes stay on him as he laughs at something someone says, his head tipped back slightly, that easy, effortless smile on his lips. He belongs here, with these people. He just… fits. People gravitate toward him like it’s instinct. Like they can sense something warm in him, something safe. My grip tightens slightly around the cup as I watch the scene. A guy leans in too close to Theo, brushing his arm as he speaks. He doesn’t pull away. He just smiles, nodding, listening. Something sharp twists in my chest. I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all. I want to stop it, to pull Theo away and hold him tight but I can’t. Because I don’t have the right to. Because I don’t want to risk losing him as my best friend. So, instead of surrendering to the caveman instincts rising in me, I take a sip of the alcohol in my cup instead. It burns on the way down and I wince, but I relish the burn. It chases away the bitterness coating my tongue. It relieves the heat building in my chest. Theo glances at me with a smile. “Are you okay? I know parties aren’t your scene.” My heart warms at his concern and I force a smile to my face for his benefit. “I’m doing fine, don’t worry.” He gives me a small, amused look, like he knows I’m lying but won’t call me out on it. “Okay,” he says. The guy beside him lingers for a moment longer before drifting away, and I feel something in me settle. Better. Much better. I exhale slowly, lifting the cup to my lips and taking another sip. It tastes awful but I can’t get enough. “I’m going to grab another drink,” Theo says after a moment. “You want anything?” I shake my head. “No.” “I’ll be right back.” I nod, watching him disappear into the crowd. And just like that, the room feels different. It feels colder without him around. Everything feels loud and overwhelming. I shift my weight, scanning the room without really seeing anything. Everything blurs together. Faces, voices, laughter, movement. None of it matters. None of them matter. I’m about to go looking for Theo when I feel a prickle run down my spine. It feels like I’m being watched. I turn slowly, scanning the room. And then I find him. Nikolai Soren. He’s leaning casually against the far wall across the room, one hand tucked into the pocket of his trousers, the other holding a glass of something dark. His posture is relaxed, casual to the point of looking lazy but I know it’s deceptive. It’s just another thing about him that draws people in. I have a feeling there’s nothing casual or relaxed about him. There’s just an air of danger that surrounds him. His gaze is fixed on me. My breath catches. For a moment, neither of us moves. We both stand there, staring at each other, as if daring the other to make a move first. Then, he pushes off the wall. He drops his drink on the nearby table and he starts walking toward me. Each step is unhurried, controlled, deliberate. My body goes still as he closes the distance between us, the noise of the party fading into something distant, something irrelevant. It’s like everything around us has disappeared. I can’t register anything else but him. I watch him as he approaches, frozen in place. Like he is a predator and I’m nothing but prey, helplessly awaiting its death.JULIAN My heart stops, the question unexpectedly hitting me like a shot to the heart. He continues before I can speak, “Your whole life seems to revolve around him. It’s always Theo this, Theo that, whatever Theo wants. Have you ever done whatever you want? What makes you happy? Or do you not know what that is, either?” His words strike deep at a corner of my chest. My heart clenches and I bring a hand to my chest. He makes it sound so awful, like I don’t have a backbone. I’ve never really thought of it like that but is it really that bad? Do I really have no identity outside of Theo? It’s not true… right? A cold chill settles over me and I almost shiver. “If you think I’m so pathetic,” I say through clenched teeth, “then why are you still with me? Why haven’t you dumped me yet?” He sighs. “Because unfortunately for me, I find that side of you attractive. I like the fact that you’re selfless, that you’ll do anything for whoever you love.” He shakes his head, a look of disgu
JULIAN I narrow my eyes even as my heart flutters. It doesn’t matter what my dumb and traitorous heart feels. Thankfully, my brain is in charge now and it’s not as prone to making stupid decisions. “I can’t take accountability for something that isn’t my fault.” “Something that isn’t your fault?” he echoes in disbelief. “Let’s see here, you made the plan—” “I didn’t. Theo did.” My eyes widen as I realize what just came out of my mouth. I didn’t mean to throw Theo under the bus but I guess that’s what I just did. Nikolai doesn’t look surprised, which makes sense. If he truly heard everything that day just like he said he did, then he probably already knows. “Why?” “Why what?” I snap. I’m already tired of this back and forth. All I want to do is end this conversation, go back home and tell Theo it’s done, and then go back to my room, hugging my pillow while I feel sorry for myself. I just want to put this entire thing behind me. Is that too much to ask? “Why did you two tar
JULIANThe words taste like ash as they leave my mouth. For a moment, I consider taking them back but I tighten my resolve.This is what needs to be done. I’m doing the right thing.I might not have gone to the police but I’m not going to enter a relationship with a murderer.The silence lingers a bit longer this time after my words.When I finally chance a look at him, what I see on his face takes me by surprise.I expected him to react in a multitude of ways. Heck, I imagined multiple scenarios in my head last night before I fell asleep.Maybe he’ll be angry, maybe he’ll act betrayed, maybe he’ll throw things, maybe he’ll threaten to kill me.Or maybe he’ll do none of those things and just detach himself emotionally.But what I never expected him to do is smile.“The hell you are,” he says.His words almost make me choke on my own spit.“Excuse me?”He folds his arms again, the edges of his mouth ticking up.“So… I guess we’re at that stage of the plan, huh? Is it finally time for y
JULIANThere are a lot of exciting things to do on a beautiful Saturday morning.This isn’t one of them.I stand in front of Nikolai’s door, one finger in the air poised to ring the doorbell.Anyone that sees me now would think I’m frozen in place.I don’t know why I’m hesitating. Or why my stomach is churning violently, like I want to puke.The plan is simple. Go in there and break up with Nikolai.So why does it suddenly feel like the most difficult thing in the world?Maybe it’s because you don’t really want to, a voice whispers not so helpfully.I grit my teeth. It’s ridiculous. It doesn’t matter if I want to or not.It doesn’t even matter that I don’t find Nikolai as annoying as before. Or that I’m starting to like him.There’s no realistic scenario that can come out of this.It’s not like I can head off into the sunset and live happily ever after with a murderer.I shudder involuntarily.That’s why this needs to end. Not just for Theo’s sake, but because this is going exactly no
NIKOLAI“Has your boyfriend contacted you yet?” Caleb asks that Saturday morning as I enter the kitchen.I ignore him as I pass him by and head to the coffee machine.If I knew he was going to be in here, I wouldn’t have come.He scoffs. “Seriously? You’re giving me the silent treatment? If anyone has a right to be mad, shouldn’t it be me?”He points to his chin and I’m very satisfied to see that there is a bruise there, from where I punched him.It’s a shame, really, that it has already started fading.I don’t say a word, focusing my attention on the coffee maker as I press the brew button. It hums to life and a few seconds later, the first drops begin to fall, dark liquid dripping steadily into the glass pot below.The fresh scent of coffee fills the air, calming me a little.“I already made coffee for you, dumbass.” He points to the steaming mug sitting on the counter.I cast a disdainful glance at it. “No, thanks. Not interested. Who knows what you’ve put in it?”I know I’m being
JULIANMy heart stops. Of all the things I expected him to say, it isn’t that at all.I shouldn't be surprised. This has been in his head for a while. It was only a matter of time and yet…I should be jumping at the idea, especially after everything I just witnessed last night, but strangely, I find myself wishing I heard wrong.“What?” I choke out.Theo peeks at me. “You’re okay with that, right?”My mouth goes dry. How am I supposed to respond to that?No, I’m not okay with this despite the fact that he’s a murderous asshole. No, I still want to stay with him a little longer even though I should be running in the opposite direction, even though I should be ensuring he spends the rest of his life in jail.Yeah, I must be going out of my mind.The best thing to do is disentangle myself from that crazy guy, Nikolai.The thought makes my chest tighten.“Are you having second thoughts?” There’s an edge to Theo’s voice that makes my attention shift back to him.“N-no… of course not,” I s
JULIANThe words settle between us, heavy with something unspoken.It sounds like a warning. Or an invitation. I’m not sure which.I just know, even with my senses tingling, I still don’t step back. I don’t walk away like I should.Around us, the party is still going on, loud and messy. But at that
NIKOLAIThe saws whir to life, drowning out the sound of anything else.The thick metallic smell of blood hangs in the air, almost overwhelming the rest of my senses.I focus on the process, not the body beneath my hands. I concentrate my attention on making clean lines, on making accurate, control
NIKOLAII wrinkle my nose as I drag the body across the basement floor and onto the middle of the large nylon.Sweat rolls down my face, dripping onto the floor and my muscles strain from the effort.“I could use a little help here, Caleb,” I mutter to my annoying brother as he stands there and wat
JULIANI didn’t know love could ruin everything I cared about.Which is funny to me because I grew up never knowing the true meaning of love.To me, it was just a word I heard everywhere, a word people used freely but I never understood.No one ever used it for me and I never thought to use it for







