Chapter 8: A Confession

For the rest of that night, my mind played mine and Julian's conversation on repeat.

‎Zach had been sleeping when I'd barged into his room, itching to tell him my dirty little secret. His limbs had been spread like a starfish with his mouth hanging open. A light snore came from him and I decided that he looked too peaceful to wake up. So I left him there and sneaked back to my room, feeling as if I was going to explode if I didn't tell someone soon. I was a talker, I needed to talk, and this was just pure torture for me.

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‎ Blowing a breath out of my mouth, I stared up at the ceiling. How I felt wasn't easy to explain.

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‎My lady parts were more satisfied than they had been in a long time and they ached for more.

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‎My heart was in agreement; it was excited at the idea of having a forbidden relationship with this sexy, mysterious man. Poor thing hadn't had much action since my last boyfriend and even then, the only thing it had felt was pain and disappointment.

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‎My head was a different story. It was telling me how I could get into serious trouble for this. Jane didn't like any relationships between workers and clients. Thought that it could be tempting to give them free 'sessions', or favouring the caller over others. She was strictly all work and no play.

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‎Dread swirled in my stomach. I'd done a really bad thing even if it had been ridiculously mind blowing. I'd gotten myself in a bit of a pickle really. Julian wanted a repeat and if I denied it to him now, he could tell Jane about what I did.

‎I could always deny it though...claim it was part of the act.

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‎My heart really didn't like the way I was thinking. Even the thought of letting Julian down made her ache as if I'd already done it. God, this was stupid. How could I have an attraction to someone so quickly? Why did he matter so much after one phone call?

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‎Because it's exciting, the bad girl in me whispered.

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‎You'll get into trouble, the rational part of me argued back. The poor thing was outnumbered though.

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‎Think about how amazing he made you feel, my lady parts were more than convincing as they began to tingle in remembrance. You came harder than you've ever done before and he didn't even touch you.

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‎"God," I breathed, the palm of my hands pressing into my eyes until it started to hurt and I saw funny lights. If I thought about this any longer, I was going to get a headache. "I need sleep." And since there was no way I was going to figure it out on my own - I needed Zach - I might as well as try to stop thinking about it.

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‎Curling onto my side, I pushed away my thoughts and tried to do just that.

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‎Before I even opened my eyes I knew I'd woken up stupidly early. There was something in the air that was different. A feeling I wasn't familiar with. Although I was sure it was all in my head - morning, noon, evening and night didn't feel like anything. They weren't an object.

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‎I was wide awake though. Didn't even have that nice cosy feeling I usually had. The blankets didn't feel as warm or soft against my skin. Normally I'd do anything to stay in bed for a few more minutes but instead I was itching to move and do something.

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‎So I threw the blankets off, got dressed, decided to do my make up and put my hair up with a crocodile clip. The extra effort gave me a bounce in my step and made me feel more confident. I wasn't doubting my decision as much, although I still had a bad feeling in my gut, more than likely from doing something which was against the rules.

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‎I grabbed my phone and headed to the bathroom where I used the toilet and brushed my teeth. There was no noise from Zach's room and I doubted there would be for another hour yet. I decided to go downstairs.

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‎The kettle was still full up from yesterday so all I had to do was flick the switch and wait for it to boil. In the meantime, I got my cup ready, added the coffee, milk and then two sugars. I pondered on whether or not I should do breakfast but I wasn't feeling that hungry. Plus it wouldn't feel right eating without Zach.

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‎Less than a minute later, the water was ready and I poured it into my mug, watching the steam rise as I did. I gave it a good stir before walking over to the sofa and curling my legs underneath myself as I sat down and blew on my drink.

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‎I felt like there was so much I could get done, being awake this early. I might even work out once I'd finished my coffee. I should definitely do a bit of tidying and throw out the takeaway boxes before more clutter started to build. Me and Zach weren't the tidiest of people and it wasn't unusual to find containers laying around days after they'd been eaten form. 

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‎As I planned my day, my mind managed to wander back to Julian. I wondered what his morning routine was. I bet he cared a lot about his appearance although I wasn't sure why. Maybe because he was so good with the ladies? I reckon his hair was blonde. A bit of a player. I bet he had a six-pack...oh my, I hoped he did.

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‎No, stop. I frowned, shaking my head at myself. What does it matter if he has a six-pack or not? It was nothing to do with me. It was none of my concern. Although it did make my fantasy of him much more steamier. 

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‎My plans quickly go out of the window and without realizing it, I spent the next hour and a half imaging what every inch of Julian's looked like. I was so lost in thoughts that my coffee went cold and I didn't even notice Zach until he was flopping down on the sofa next to me.

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‎"There you are," was his groggy greeting. He obviously hasn't woken up properly yet. "Ooh, you made coffee." In a true best friend fashion, he didn't even ask for the drink in my hand; he just took it and brought it to his mouth. "God, this is cold. How long have you been sitting here?" he asked, forehead furrowed as he took a sip.

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