2– Wisdom sessions

May, 2014

Arjun

“Bye brother Arjun!” Artha said as she hopped down from the backseat.

“See you, Artha.” I responded, smiling at her from the window like I did every morning before she got her morning speech.

I watched father shut the back door in the side view mirror. He then walked over to Artha who was now standing a little distance from the car. I sighed and looked the other way. I could hear father's stern voice as he told her the same things he told her every morning. I waited approximately two minutes before turning my head toward the window again. That's how long their morning sessions lasted. I looked at father kneeling in front of Artha, their eyes locked as he transferred his wisdom to a six-year-old.

“You hear me?” He asked her.

“Yes, papa.” She responded, pokerfaced. She had already been told that this was serious, and she was not to smile when he was telling her serious things. This year was Artha's first year in school, she still had twelve more years of morning-wisdom sessions to go. I felt sorry for her, and I hated seeing her go through this every morning.

“Good girl.” Father smiled at her. Now only she was allowed to smile. And she did. She gave him a big smile, showing her small white teeth. So, innocent she was. She had no idea what was going on. But in a few years, she would.

Father then hugged her. “Bye, my child.”

“Bye, papa.” She responded, her huge grin still in place. “Bye brother Arjun!”

“See you.” I responded.

As father made his way around to the driver's side, I watched Artha walk into their school gate. Her uniform and school bag were too big for her and made her look like some child from a cartoon. She looked cute, nonetheless. I smiled as she joined her group of friends on the playground.

“What's funny?” Father asked me as he put on his seat belt.

My smile vanished quickly. I didn't know he was watching me. Well, I should have known.

“Nothing, father.” I responded, only glancing at him.

“So, you're crazy now?” He asked me, he was looking straight at me.

“No, father.”

“Because you laugh at nothing. Only crazy people laugh at nothing.” He made his point firmly. “So, you're crazy?”

“No—”

“Look at me when I talk to you!” He punched the steering wheel.

I quickly looked at him. Something I hated doing. I kept blinking. But he had asked me to look at him and if I looked away again, I would be in trouble. Of which I already was, so I would be in grave trouble.

“No, father. I'm not a fool.”

“That's not what I asked you, Arjun. I know you're a fool. I asked you whether you're crazy now too.”

“No, father.”

He looked at me for a while without saying anything. It was so quiet that I could hear the seconds on my wristwatch tick away. Father had a frown between his eyebrows that lived there. He had wrinkles around his eyes and because he was always so serious, he had lines next to each side of his nostrils, running up to his eyes. Most of the time when I'm in a situation like this, I try looking at his features so that I don't look directly in his eyes. Eyes which only reflect fury and disappointment. Fury and disappointment caused by me. His first and only son.

After a while of looking at me like I was the worst regret of his life, father shook his head and started the car.

“Telling me you're not a fool.” He scoffed. “You brought me ninety percent for Physics on your report for last term. Ninety, which means that some mere one point saved you from getting eighty percent.”

One percent saved me from getting eighty-nine but for dad, that was as good as eighty percent.

At least I could relax now, he was driving. Not relax too much though, but this part I was used to. As long as he wasn't looking at me and expecting me to answer his questions. Ten minutes later we'd be in front of my high school, and I'd be able to breathe in peace. Just ten minutes longer.

“I break my back working every single day so I can pay your school f*e and you want to bring me something close to eighty?” He was still speaking. “I pay hundred percent of your school f*es, and you only learn certain percentages of your subjects. And you tell me you're not a fool.”

I wish I could zone out of these sessions, but I couldn't because he asks questions out of the blue, and if I had to stutter, I'd just create hell for myself. So, I listened. To every single word he said to me. Every single morning and every single night when he came from work. I feel sorry for Artha because she will be me one day, sitting in the passenger seat.

“What do you do in that school?” Father asked me as he pulled up in front of Dhoop Ki Or High School. “I must come find out.”

I couldn't glance at my watch to see the time, otherwise he’d think I wasn't finding what he was saying important and wanted to leave. So, I waited. Waited for him to finish and tell me to leave like he always did.

“What are you still waiting for?” He asked me. “Do you want me to come open the door for you?”

I opened the car door.

“If you stop fooling around then maybe you'll be able to make something out of your life and maybe have a chauffeur that will open and close doors for you.”

When he finished, I got out of the car and closed the door.

“Son...” Father called as I was about to turn around.

“Yes, father.” I answered, looking down at the seat I had been sitting on. Anything but looking into those eyes. I only looked into those eyes when it was mandatory.

“Look at our life.” He lowered his voice. “Don't you pity us? Look how we live. Look at this battered old car that I'm under at least four times a week just to get it to drop you and your sister to school. Is this how you want us to keep living?”

I shook my head. No, I did not.

“Then go into that school and take advantage of your learning opportunity. I didn't get it.” He told me.

“Yes, father.”

“No distractions, Arjun.”

“Yes, father.”

“Good.” He gave me a tight smile. “Go.”

I nodded and then turned around and walked towards our school gate. Whenever he dismissed me, I never turned back. I was seeing it in Artha now too. In the beginning of the year, she used to turn back to wave a couple of times before she entered her school gate, but she doesn't do it anymore.

As I approached the entrance of the school building. I saw Preetah and Roshni standing at the wooden door which led inside, talking. They were there most mornings. And they always wanted us to greet each other whenever I walked past. So, before they saw me, I quickly went around to the back entrance like I did if I saw them first.