Two

Seraph 

Who says heels are simple? 

For most women they're an accessory. For me, they're a threat. Every step is a calculation. Will my ankle hold? Will my knees buckle? But I wore them anyway. Because Elena was home. Because my family was watching. Because I was tired of being the sister who doesn't show up. 

The moment I stepped into the hall, I knew I'd made a mistake. 

Chandeliers gave beautiful lights to the marble floors. Tables were lined with white roses and champagne glasses when clicking here and there. Music floated from a disco jockey at the corner of the house. 

It should've felt like a celebration. Instead it felt like a trap. 

I turned back. My hand went to the door's handle. Maybe I could slip out before anyone noticed.. 

"Is that.... Seraph?" 

The voice I've always shrunk at hearing cut loud through the music. It wasn't a question. It was a spotlight. 

Everyone stopped. Their heads turned. 

I froze with my hands still on the door. My weight shifted to my left leg because the right heel felt painful already . 

Beads of sweat started to form on my skin. My dress clung to the places I never wanted it to cling to. 

I heard the murmur low at first then it started to become bolder, like they suddenly remembered I was supposed to hear them. 

"Oh Elena, don't start. You'll make her cry." 

That voice. I could never forget it . I heard it at ten years old when I lost the sprint race At fourteen, when I lost the spelling bee. At eighteen when I didn't wear the right dress code to church because it'd cling to my body. At twenty four , the night before my wedding. 

Theresa Elena's best friend. 

I turned around slowly. My legs trembled under me . I was panting and I hadn't even walked across the room yet. The heels I'd forced my feet into were two sizes small, but they were the only pair that I found at the store. 

"Hey,Elena," I managed to say. My voice sounded distant. "Welcome home." 

Elena stood three meters away, but her eyes covered me instantly. They stared at my face, paused to my feet,then moved down to my feet like she was checking every flaw. 

She smiled. That perfect, practiced smile she'd always used in award stages, she'd used on TV interviews ever since she went out of the country, on every photo that made Mum cry with pride. I'd never been fooled by it. Not once. 

"Something wrong with my dress?" The words came out sharper than I intended. But the stares were getting louder. Louder than the music. 

Elena stepped forward, heels clicking on the floor. She tilted her head and let her eyes drag over me. 

"Not really," she said, drawing the words out. "The last time I checked, you could actually zip this dress up. Now it's open at the neck. Didn't you look at the mirror before stepping your foot here? 

A laugh burst from someone behind her. Then another. Then the whole side of the room. 

I felt my face hit up. My fingers went to the neckline immediately, tugging it up halfway but it didn't help. The damage was done. 

" I left it on purpose. "I said, forcing my mouth into a smile." Thanks for noticing. "

My morale was already thin and I knew it but if I let it cut here, I'd never get it back. 

Across the crowd, Mum laughed at something a waiter said. She looked exactly like she had the last time I saw her. Same posture. Same perfection. No presence of flaw I could point to. Elena had inherited all of that  whereas I inherited... Something else.

"Were you trying to sneak out again?" Elena asked. She said it like it was a joke, but her eyes were not smiling. She knew about the panic attacks I've always had. She knew crowded rooms made my chest lock up and she always, always used it.

"No," I said. Steadying my feet. "I'm not leaving." 

She smiled wider and reached for my hand. Her fingers were cold. She dragged me forward, through the crowd, until we stood in the center of the hall. The center of every stare. 

My pulse quickened. "My feet felt like it could give away. For half a second I searched the room for a familiar face. Ronan, who'd threatened me to come. 

"Look who we have here, my babies," Elena announced. Her voice was sharp and loud. "It's my one and only elder sister, Seraph "

I wish the floor would open. I wished the chandeliers would fall. I wished for anything that would stop anyone from saying the next words. 

"Is that Seraph?" A man's voice said aloud. I remembered him from my childhood birthdays as a distant relative. "She's gotten.... Big." 

"That's not nice, Uncle, "Elena said immediately. She put a hand over her chest like she was hurt by me." I don't want my sister to feel bad. "

But her eyes said something different.. I didn't like what it said. 

" Elena you're so beautiful"a woman cooed." So perfect. Why didn't Seraph get your family's genes?. 

Elena didn't answer. She didn't have to. The silence was an answer. The smile said it all . 

Then Mum came, pushing through bodies with sharp elbows and sharper eyes. 

"Mum, "I started. Relief hit me that moment, stupid and fast. 

" Why did you come, Seraph? She asked. 

The hall noise faded and I could hear her voice. "What?" 

"This is Elena's day," Mum said, low and furious. "Her welcome home. And you're making it about yourself. Why are you even here?" 

My stomach curled in on itself. "I'm not making it about me. I'm happy she's back. I missed her." 

"Did you?" Mum's eyes flickered over my body, quick and disgusted. "Then you should've thought about that before you married Ronan." 

I blinked. "What does my marriage have to do with Elena coming home? "

" You don't know? "Mum laughed, without any humor in her voice." Y really don't know why she ran the night before your wedding?" 

Air left my lungs " No.. I ... No one told me." 

"You stole her high school crush, Seraph "Mum said." And for three years you haven't given him a child. What kind of wife are you? What kind of woman? "

Tears stung my eyes. I blinked them back and wiped at my cheeks with the back of my hand.  My makeup smeared. "I think I should leave, "I whispered." I didn't expect this level of cruelty from either of you. "

Mum and Elena exchanged looks. Then they both scoffed. 

The room was watching us. Every face turned towards us. I could see them forming opinions, deciding which side they were on. And it was never my side. 

" Maybe the fat took up all the space in her womb,"Elena called out. Her voice was conversational." Logically, she's barren. "

The word hit me hard. Barren. 

Something hot rushed through my throat. I turned to face her and my hand rose before I could think. 

A calloused thick finger closed around my wrist before I could make contact. He pulled my arm down hard enough that my shoulders jerked 

Elena shrank behind him immediately. Her eyes wide. Lips trembling. Playing the perfect victim. It was Ronan. 

"She insulted me," I said. My voice shook. "I would never.... I don't bully anyone." 

"What did I do to deserve that, sister?" Elena whispered. So soft only Ronan and I could hear . So fake it made my skin crawl. 

Ronan didn't look at her. He looked at me. "How can someone this calm and beautiful bully anyone?" He asked me. 

I wanted to laugh and scream at the same time. "You think I'm a bully because I'm plus size?" 

"You're not plus size, Seraph," he said. Each word sounded deliberate. "You're obese. Don't put yourself in that category. And don't you ever touch Elena. Ever again." 

His voice was flat. Threatening. 

"Have you no shame, Ronan? I asked. The words forced out of my lips. 

" You should ask yourself that," he said. 

"It was kind enough of her to invite you to this party. Why ruin her night?" 

The music started playing now. Conversation resumed but it was quieter now. They were watching. 

My sister was back. My fear was back. The years of whispers, of staged kindness, of fake smiles. Mum was right. She left because of my marriage. Because of Ronan. 

And Ronan hadn't changed his affection towards her. Not one bit. 

He was still the boy who chose her performance over my truth. Still the man who'd hold her hand while I bled in public. 

I pulled my wrist from his grip.My skin burned where he held me. 

"Poor Seraph. I just wanted my sister to feel welcome" I heard Elena voice behind me as I turned, soft and sweet.