LOGINI take a cab back to the apartment I share with Ryan—the one he pays for while I scramble to cover groceries and utilities with my bookstore salary and the second I walk through the door I know I can’t stay here.
I can’t be here when he comes back from wherever the hell he’s been for three months. I can’t have this conversation while standing in the living room of an apartment that’s never felt like mine. I grab my duffel bag from the closet and start throwing things in without really thinking about what I’m packing—jeans, shirts, underwear, my toothbrush, phone charger. Everything that matters fits in one bag. That should tell me something about my life but I don’t have time to think about it now. I check my bank account one more time even though I know what it’s going to say. $200.37 Not enough for a deposit on a new place. Not enough for anything except maybe two weeks of food if I’m careful. And now I’m pregnant. I zip the bag closed and sling it over my shoulder, and I’m halfway to the door when I stop and look around at this apartment one last time. Two years of my life were spent here. Two years of waiting for Ryan to come home from work, of eating dinner alone, of sleeping in a bed that felt emptier even when he was in it. I should feel sad about leaving. But all I feel is relief. *** Jeremy’s building looks worse in daylight than I remember from that party six months ago—paint peeling off the exterior, cracked steps leading up to a door that doesn’t quite close all the way. I climb three flights of stairs because there’s no elevator and by the time I reach his door my bag feels like it weighs a thousand pounds and I can barely catch my breath. I stand there staring at the apartment number for a full minute before I can make myself knock. What am I even doing here? Jeremy is Ryan’s best friend, he’s probably going to call Ryan the second I tell him what’s going on, and then I’ll have nowhere to go and no plan and— I knock before I can talk myself out of it. Three sharp raps that echo in the empty hallway. I hear footsteps on the other side, a lock turning, and then the door swings open and Jeremy’s standing there in a paint-stained t-shirt with his hair sticking up like he’s been running his hands through it. His eyes go wide when he sees me. “Cam.” Just my name, nothing else, and hearing it—hearing him call me that, when Ryan only ever uses my full name like we’re in a business meeting—something in my chest cracks wide open. “Hey,” I manage, and my voice comes out wrong, too rough. He’s looking at me like he’s trying to solve a puzzle, taking in the duffel bag and probably the expression on my face. “What happened?” “Can I come in?” He steps back immediately, no hesitation. “Yeah, of course.” His apartment is small and cluttered in a way that feels lived-in instead of messy—paint supplies scattered across the coffee table, an easel by the window with a half-finished canvas, books stacked in piles against the wall. It smells like coffee and turpentine and something warm I can’t identify, I set my bag down. “You want some water or something?” Jeremy asks, gesturing toward the kitchen. “Coffee?” “Water’s fine.” He disappears down the narrow hallway and I hear the tap running, the clink of glass against the counter, and I’m left standing there in the middle of his living room trying not to feel like I’m intruding on a life I have no right to be part of. There’s a sketch pinned to the wall near the easel—charcoal on paper, rough lines forming the outline of a woman’s face that I can’t quite make out from this distance. Next to it, another one, this time of hands reaching toward something just out of frame. “You’ve been painting a lot,” I say when he comes back with a glass of water. “It’s how I think,” he says, handing it to me. Our fingers brush for just a second and he pulls back quickly like the contact startled him. “Helps me process things when my head gets too loud.” I take a sip of the water even though I’m not particularly thirsty, I just need something to do with my hands. “Sorry about the mess,” he says, moving a stack of sketches off the couch. “I wasn’t expecting company.” “It’s fine.” I stare down at the glass and he’s watching me with this careful expression, and I can see him holding back about a dozen questions. “Is Ryan okay?” he asks finally. “I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him in three months.” Jeremy goes very still. “Three months?” “He left on a business trip. Sent one text saying he was busy. That’s it.” “And you haven’t heard from him since?” I shake my head. Something shifts in Jeremy’s expression, something that looks like anger, and he turns away like he’s trying to get it under control. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “I didn’t know. He didn’t tell me he was going anywhere.” “It’s not your fault.” “Still.” He turns back to face me. “What do you need, Cam?” The question is so simple, so direct, and I wasn’t ready for it. “A place to stay. Just for a few days while I figure things out. I can pay you back as soon as—” “You don’t have to pay me anything.” “Jeremy—” “Seriously. You can stay as long as you need to.” Relief floods through me so fast and complete I have to blink back tears. I want to argue, want to tell him I can’t just impose on him like this, but the truth is I don’t have anywhere else to go and we both know it. “The bedroom’s yours,” he continues, nodding toward the hallway. “I’ll take the couch. There’s not much space but it’s clean and the mattress is decent.” “Jeremy, I can’t take your bed—” “Yes, you can. It’s already decided.” There’s no room for negotiation in his tone and part of me is too exhausted to fight him on it anyway. “Thank you, I promise I won’t be in your way, I’ll pay you back as soon as—” “Cam.” He cuts me off gently. “It’s fine. But you need to tell me what’s really going on.” Before I can figure out how to answer that, my phone starts ringing in my pocket. I pull it out and the name on the screen makes my hands start trembling. Jeremy catches on fast. “Cam?” I decline the call and shove the phone back in my pocket but my pulse is hammering now and I can’t seem to catch my breath. “What’s going on?” Jeremy asks, and there’s an edge to his voice now. “Was that him?” “Yeah.” “Are you okay?” I open my mouth to answer— Three loud knocks slam against the door. BANG. BANG. BANG. “Jer! Open the door!” My blood turns to ice in my veins. I know that voice. It’s Ryan.We make it to the airport with thirty-five minutes to spare. Jeremy parks in long term lots, yanks the keys out of the ignition, and we both climb out.He pulls both bags from the trunk and I reach for mine but he shakes his head.“I’ve got it.”“Jeremy—”“Please, Cam. Just—let me.”I let it go and we walk into the terminal side by side.******The check-in line is longer than I expected and we stand there waiting while the minutes tick by and I can feel Jeremy’s anxiety rolling off him in waves.He keeps shifting his weight, unable to settle and keeps checking his phone like the time’s going to move faster if he watches it.Finally we make it to the counter. The agent is a middle-aged woman with reading glasses on a chain and she types our information into her computer with practiced efficiency.“Checking any bags?”“No,” Jeremy says. “Just carry-ons.”“Alright, you’re all set. Gate C-12. Boarding starts in about twenty-five minutes.”She hands us our boarding passes and we head tow
I’m still standing in the middle of the living room when it hits me.Jeremy’s mom is dying. The words echo in my head, over and over, and I can’t move, can’t think past the way Jeremy’s face went completely white when Jamel said it, can’t stop hearing the crack in his voice when he asked how long she had.I’m just standing here staring at nothing while my brain tries to catch up to what’s happening.Then I hear it. A drawer slamming in the bedroom hard and loud enough that it snaps me out of whatever fog I’ve been stuck in.Another slam and something hits the floor with a thud. I blink and look toward the hallway, toward the bedroom where Jeremy disappeared the second he hung up with his brother.My legs feel shaky when I start walking but I make myself move, one foot in front of the other, until I’m standing in the bedroom doorway.He’s got a bag open on the bed and he’s just grabbing things, shirts and jeans and socks, not even looking at what he’s taking, just shoving them in with
She’s pushing a stroller, one of those expensive-looking ones with all the bells and whistles, and there’s a baby inside bundled up in a soft blue blanket.The woman passes us with a tired but genuine smile and I find myself turning to watch her go, watching the way she navigates the stroller over a crack in the sidewalk, the way she leans down to adjust the baby’s blanket even though it looks perfectly fine.That’s going to be me in a few months. Pushing a stroller, adjusting blankets, navigating the world with this tiny person who depends on me for everything.The thought should terrify me—and it does, a little—but there’s something else there too. Something that feels almost like anticipation.“You good?” Jeremy asks, following my gaze.“Yeah. Just—that’s going to be me soon. With the stroller and the baby and everything.”“Yeah. It is.”“Does that freak you out? Being around for all of that?”He’s quiet for a moment, considering. “No. Should it?”“I don’t know. Most guys would pro
The phone keeps ringing in my hand and I just stare at Reina’s name flashing across the screen, my thumb hovering over the answer button but not pressing it.I should pick up.She’s my best friend, she’s worried about me, she deserves to hear my voice and know I’m okay.But if I answer she’s going to ask questions—where I am, what I’ve been doing, why I’ve been so distant and I don’t know how to lie to her anymore, don’t know how to keep pretending everything’s fine when it’s so far from fine.The ringing stops.Silence fills the apartment.I set the phone down on the couch cushion beside me, screen facing down so I don’t have to see if she calls back.“I know that feeling,” Jeremy says quietly from his spot on the other end of the couch. “I felt it when Ryan called me that day, after he found out you were at the hospital. Wanting to answer but knowing it would just make everything more complicated.”I look at him and there’s understanding in his eyes, not judgment.“She’s going to th
The next morning we’re sitting in the waiting room at the hospital and my leg won’t stop bouncing, knee jumping up and down in this nervous tic I can’t control.Jeremy reaches over and rests his hand on my knee, gentle pressure that stills the movement.“Breathe,” he says quietly.“I’m breathing.”“You’re holding your breath. I can tell.”I let out the air I was holding and he squeezes my knee once before pulling his hand back.When they call my name we both stand and follow the nurse back to the exam room.Doctor Kent is already there, pulling up my file on her computer. “Camille, good to see you again. And Jeremy, right?”“Yeah,” he says, taking the chair beside the exam table.“Alright, let’s take a look at this baby.”She has me lie back and lifts my shirt, squirting the cold gel on my stomach that makes me flinch.Then she presses the ultrasound wand against my skin and the monitor flickers to life.For a few seconds there’s just static and blurry shapes and my heart is in my thr
I’m off the bed before I even realize I’m moving, phone clutched in my hand, every beat of my heart feels loud in my ears.Jeremy’s asleep on the couch and I need to show him this, need him to see what I just found, but I freeze halfway across the living room because waking him up feels selfish when he barely gets enough sleep as it is.I’m turning to go back to the bedroom when I hear the couch creak.“Cam?” His voice is rough, groggy. “What’s wrong?”“Nothing, I’m sorry, go back to sleep.”“You’re a terrible liar.” He sits up, rubbing his eyes. “What happened?”I hesitate, then walk over and sink down onto the couch beside him, holding out my phone.“Look at this. The photo from eight months ago. In the background.”He takes the phone and squints at the screen, zooming in on the image, and I watch his expression change as he spots what I’m talking about.“That’s Ryan,” he says quietly.“Sasha knows him. They’ve been to parties together. Which means—”“Which means she might recognize
I’m still in bed when Jeremy comes back three hours later, propped up against the pillows, the plate of toast and scrambled eggs he made me eat sitting empty on the nightstand.“It’s done,” he says, holding up my phone. “Everything’s wiped. I had him do a full factory reset and reinstall everythin
I wake up to the feeling of something cool pressed against my forehead and for a second I don’t know where I am, I don't remember how I got here.The ceiling above me isn’t mine.Neither is the bed.I try to sit up and a hand gently pushes me back down.“Easy,” Jeremy’s voice says from somewhere cl
Jeremy’s standing in the hallway watching me and the second he sees my face his whole expression shifts, concern replacing everything else.“Cam—”“Tracker,” I cut him off, and my voice sounds strange in my own ears, too high and unsteady. “What tracker was he talking about? How does he know where
I’m on the phone with Reina telling her about the new bookstore that opened downtown when Doctor Kent walks in carrying a manila folder.“Hey, the doctor just walked in,” I say into the phone. “Let me call you back.”“Okay babe, let me know what she says,” Reina says, and I can hear traffic in the







