Chapter 3

I kept my expression calm, preserving the last shred of dignity I had left.

It wasn't until I climbed into the taxi that the mask finally cracked. Tears fell onto my knees one after another.

Curled up in the corner of the backseat, I wrapped my arms around myself.

The condition I had thought I finally had under control came roaring back, pushing me toward the edge once again.

The moment I got home, I started smashing everything in sight.

Even as shards of glass sliced open my hands and blood stained the ground beneath me, I couldn't stop. It felt as though only pain could keep the terror inside me at bay.

Then I found the knife Brady had hidden away from me and raised it toward my arm.

The front door suddenly burst open.

Josephine rushed inside, breathing hard as she snatched the knife from my hand. Her eyes were frighteningly red, her face twisted with anger.

"Have you lost your mind? Gideon, when did you become like this?"

When did I become like this?

Maybe it was when eight years passed, and she still refused to give us a proper ending.

Maybe it was when she lied and told me she was leaving to study abroad, and I was the last person to find out.

I had just woken up in the hospital after the car accident. Desperate, I had called her and begged her not to leave me behind.

But I still remembered her cold response.

"Gideon, it's time for you to grow up. What, are you going to die without me?"

Before I could tell her yes, she had already hung up.

She forgot that my parents were gone. Other than Brady, she was all I had left.

However, Brady was busy taking care of Owen and the wife he couldn't speak of.

So who did I have left?

In those endless, lightless days, I became little more than a shell of myself.

Every time I wanted to talk to Josephine, she pushed me away with the excuse that she was too busy with work.

Only now did I realize that her busyness had simply been an excuse to avoid me.

She already had a happy family and a three-year-old son.

Meanwhile, I had been living inside a fantasy.

A fantasy that Josephine would keep her promise and come back to marry me.

"I don't need you to take care of me."

Once I pulled myself out of those memories, the pain only became clearer.

I walked past Josephine toward the bedroom. She followed me inside.

"I wronged you, and I know that. But Brady is innocent. There's no need to push things this far with him. You know better than anyone how much he values your friendship."

Values it?

Enough to share a bed with her and have a child with her?

To keep me in the dark while sitting beside me as I waited for a tomorrow that was never going to come?

I opened my mouth to speak, but Josephine had already lowered her head and started bandaging my wounds.

Just like before, afraid I might be hurting, she gently blew on the cuts.

She looked exactly the same, and yet she wasn't the same at all.

Maybe she simply didn't love me anymore.

"I never meant to hide it from you. I just never found the right time to tell you."

She set down the gauze, her voice softening. "Gideon, just wait a little longer. When Owen grows up, I'll divorce Brady.

"The marriage I promised you... I'll give you that too. It's just..."

Just not now.

Right now, she still couldn't come back to me.

She had to be a good mother and a good wife.

All she could offer me were empty promises.

For the first time, I thought maybe I was pathetic.

After losing my parents, I lived by clinging to friendship. After meeting Josephine, I lived by clinging to love.

I'd spent half my life relying on other people, and somehow I'd become the very person I despised most.

So this time, I wanted to be selfish and live for myself.

I booked a one-way ticket to New Zealand, the place I'd always wanted to visit the most.

Once upon a time, Josephine had promised we'd have our wedding there.

So I waited and waited until I got sick, and she grew tired of me.

Still, that day never came.

This time, I was going alone.