灰になった恋

ETHAN SALVATORE

I rub one hand against the other, feeling as nervous as ever. Sweat is already beading on the corner of my neck, showing that the air in the place is not working, after all I feel a heat that is not normal for this time of the year. Not a heat in the erotic sense, but a heat in the sense that everything here is hot.

We are in New York, we hardly feel anything so hot as to be soaked. Usually, thank the good Lord, the weather is quite pleasant. Except when it is extremely cold, then things change a little. Although watching snow in movies is beautiful, with those clichéd scenes of ball wars, making snowmen or snow angels are beautiful, real life is not like that.

The snow gets in the way, especially when it comes to breathing, which hurts when the smoke comes out. In short, it ends up hindering our lives in some ways. The climate here is more towards cold, not hot, which scares me because it is so hot, especially because there is air conditioning. It seems that the machine is not working, freezing enough.

Maybe it was even working, but I am so anxious that I wouldn't notice. I believe that at this moment I couldn't even answer the stupidest of all questions, I am so anxious. Well, I will only have a real notion of everything when I am with her in my arms, minutes after the long dreamed yes at the altar, walking towards the celebration with our family.

Yes, I am a man who has as a dream the marriage, to build a solid and beautiful family, just like my parents did years ago. I admire so much their relationship, how much they love and respect each other. I wish so much to have something as solid as what they have, that partner and love. I will be the best husband I can be, that is a promise! The best husband, best friend and best lover. I will be her life in the same way she will be my life, my everything and the air I breathe. Everything she already is to me and more.

Yes, I am one of the few romantics left. As my beloved bride loves to talk about, I am lucky that she likes me and finds it a charm. I am sure that this was one of the things that made her like me, after all, what woman wouldn't like to be treated like a princess, or better, a queen?

Well, today is my wedding day. I have been counting the seconds since the proposal. It is impossible to believe that all this is happening, that I am really here, about to marry the woman of my life, whom I love so much. That the big day had finally arrived. I could never explain how much I have waited for this, dreamed of this moment.

I will have the honor of calling my wife, my wife, the most beautiful of all women; Leticia. She is sweet, beautiful, and delicate. She loves me with the same intensity that I love her. The greatest proof of this is that she accepted to marry me, accepted to share her life with me until the end. She took my dream, which I told her so many times, made it her own and said that she would make every one of them come true, not only the one we are living now. I wonder if there is a more perfect woman than this. I am indeed a lucky man to have her in my life as a bride until now, but from now on as my wife, Mrs. Salvatore!

My mother enters with my father, both of them looking at me smiling, but I notice that they are nervous, as if they are afraid of something, and go to sit in their seats. Right behind come the bride's parents, who don't like me very much because I am not as rich as my brother, Yuri. He already has his empire, his name in the media, and meanwhile I am making a name for myself!

He was born ten years before me, so he has already had time to finish his college education and is now building his empire. Since I am only twenty-two years old, I am finishing my college education and working in the family business. But this does not mean that I do not have ambitions, dreams that I will make come true. I am just at the beginning of my journey, I will still be great.

I do want to build a company that I can support myself, but money is not everything to me. My biggest concern, where I want to fully focus my attention, is my family. This is one of the main reasons why my in-laws hate me, but that's ok, what matters is that their daughter really loves me.

The music of the godparents plays and it's strange, after all they took a while to come in. Just as I think to say something, the best man and woman start to walk down the red carpet but they all didn't look good, they seemed worried, nervous about something. It was as if something bad had happened or was about to happen. I risk saying that some of them even looked at me with pity, while my in-laws with a big smile that I cannot understand.

The bridesmaids arrived, they had a sign telling them of the bride's arrival. Then comes the florist and finally, the wedding march starts playing but to my surprise when the door opens, she wasn't there. At the same moment I realize that a couple of groomsmen are missing, my brother is missing.

I feel the world spinning in front of me, the air missing and a bad feeling filling my heart. Not hate or anger or anything like that. But rather the feeling that something unpleasant is going to happen, an anguish and sadness so great that I can't even explain it.

My gaze falls to my parents who look at me, denying it with their heads, seconds before lowering them. In their eyes there was disappointment, sadness. The disappointment was not because of me, of that I was sure, but the sadness was for me. Why decoction?

I put my hand to my face, avoiding to look at those people who looked at me with pity. They probably already knew what was happening. The first tears start to fall, as I try to find a more logical explanation for this whole situation, one that is not the one that comes into my mind every second. One that wasn't so humiliating.

I begin to walk out of the ceremony site, making my way to the bride's dressing room. I open the door hard, feeling my world go to ground seeing my best friend, my brother, in bed with the woman I love. My hero, the man I grew up admiring was cheating on me.

"MY OWN BROTHER, HOW CAN IT?!"--- I scream with all my lung, seeing that woman's wicked smile and the frightened look on his face.

Yuri was always a great older brother, I remember I idolized him. He would take me everywhere, hang out with me, play with me. We were close in my childhood, no one could separate us. I told him how much I was looking forward to this day, how much I love Leticia. He, more than anyone, knows my dream and why this day means so much to me. So many times he teased me about it, but promised he would help me make it come true, and yet, at the first opportunity, he stomps on it like it's worthless. I could expect something bad from many people, but never from him.

"I can explain."--- He stands up with the sheet in front of him.

" Don't bother, your actions already speak for you."--- I deny with my head, casting him a look of disappointment.

"Ethan, please."--- He asks with tears in his eyes.--- "Leticia and I love each other, try to understand."

That hurt, it would have been better to have stuck a knife directly into my heart than to utter such words. The woman I love, on our wedding day, went to bed with my brother, my best friend and partner of a lifetime.

"And the fact that I love her doesn't count? That I admire you with all my might doesn't count?"--- I ask bitterly."--- "Apparently I am the one who is unloved here, since my brother, my hero, slept with the woman of my life on our wedding day. He didn't even think about me, the unparalleled humiliation I'm going through, or the pain I'm feeling."

"Don't talk like that."--- He allows tears to fall on his face.

"Forget that you ever had a brother, erase my name from your mind. And with this one, enjoy it, you're two bums, you deserve each other."--- I nod and close the door, leaving the library.

I go to the parking lot and get the key to my parents' car, leaving li at full throttle. I ran with the car, getting further and further away from that place, while this drastic day was engraved in my heart.

I could feel the tears coming down, a huge pain in my chest that would not go away at all. Not even the violent punches I gave on the steering wheel helped to diminish it. I felt suffocated.

As the car sped down the road, changing places, I changed who I am. I don't know what they would do in my situation and honestly, I don't care. I am fucked with the world and I only promise one thing; they will never hurt me or use me again.

Didn't you want a business tycoon? You will, but Ethan himself died today.

My goal now is to become even richer than my brother, even more influential and powerful. Doesn't she want him?! Well, let her, but it won't be with the richer brother.

From today I am a new person, a new man.

Never again will they step on me as they did today. Never again will you see me cry for love, because never again will I allow myself to love anyone, so that I will no longer have my heart broken or my dreams made of a rug. For my own protection, I will change.

I don't just say this, from today on this will be my truth. Letícia preferred the richer brother, chose power, money, and the futile things that are her face instead of love, the family that we planned together. Hers I can even get over, it will hurt, but one day it will stop.

Now I can't say the same for my brother, it will be a wound that I don't know if it will ever close, and I doubt very much if in the future I will be able to forgive him. We shared the same womb, in a way, childhood. We were like flesh and blood, totally inseparable. But that wasn't enough for him, it was so weak compared to his will to betray me, to stay with the woman he was in love with.

I really hope that this is all worth it, that having a shallow woman by his side is more important than his brother, his best friend. Because even if it isn't, we will never go back to the way things were before. From today I have no more brother! From today I am a new Ethan!