All Chapters of Before You Let Go: Chapter 1 - Chapter 10

Hindi ako umuwi para magpalit ng damit.After class, habang isa-isang lumalabas ang mga estudyante sa gate ng San Aurelio Academy, nakatayo lang ako sa ilalim ng puno ng acacia, suot pa rin ang uniform ko. White blouse. Navy skirt. ID lace na nakasabit sa leeg ko. Shoes na may alikabok sa gilid dahil buong araw akong naglalakad na parang may hinahanap.Or maybe may tinatakasan.My phone was heavy in my hand. Kanina ko pa tinititigan ang message ni Mama.**Text me when you get there. Uwi ka before ten. Please don’t go alone if you feel like you can’t handle it.**Hindi ko alam kung paano sasagutin iyon.Because how was I supposed to know if I could handle it?Hindi pa ako nakakapunta sa wake ng kaklase. Hindi pa ako nakatayo sa harap ng pangalan ng taong kahapon lang ay nasa attendance sheet pa. Hindi pa ako nakaramdam ng ganitong klaseng guilt, iyong hindi mo alam kung saan galing pero nakadikit sa dibdib mo like a second skin.I typed: **I’m okay. Promise.**Then I deleted the promis

Napabalikwas ako ng gising na parang may humila sa akin pabalik sa katawan ko.For a few seconds, hindi ako makahinga.My room looked the same. Same cream-colored curtains. Same messy desk. Same stack ng unread books sa gilid ng kama. Same school bag na nakasandal sa chair, half-open dahil hindi ko na naman inayos kagabi.Pero mali ang lahat.Because the last thing I remembered, I was falling.Darkness. Candles. Death.Caelan’s name written under a flame that was almost gone.“Start with hello.”Napatakip ako sa bibig ko.Oh my God.Hindi panaginip iyon.It couldn’t be.My phone buzzed again beside my pillow.I grabbed it so fast muntik ko na siyang maihagis.Mika: Girl, bilisan mo. First day na ng month, late ka na naman.Mika: Ma’am Dela Cruz is already here.Mika: If you die today, I’m not explaining this to your mom.My hands went cold.First day ng month.I checked the date.And for a moment, parang bumagsak ang buong katawan ko sa kama kahit nakaupo lang ako.It was weeks before

By dismissal, I had one goal.Simple lang.Huwag hanapin si Caelan Vasquez.After everything that happened yesterday, I told myself na kailangan ko namang kumalma. Hindi pwedeng lagi na lang akong nakabuntot sa kanya. Baka bago ko pa siya mailigtas, isipin na niyang baliw ako.So, naturally, less than five minutes after the final bell, nakita ko siya.Of course.Caelan was walking ahead of me near the side gate, black hoodie pulled over his uniform kahit ang init, sketchbook tucked under one arm, earphones in. He moved through the crowd like sanay na siyang umiwas sa lahat. Then something slipped from between the pages of his sketchbook.A folded piece of paper landed near the stairs.He didn’t notice.I stopped.For one second, I stared at it like it was some kind of trap.Because with my luck? Baka mamaya cursed paper pala ito. Or Death’s version of a sticky note.But Caelan kept walking.“Caelan!” I called.He didn’t hear me.Or maybe he did and chose peace.I picked up the paper

Saturday afternoon, nasa tapat ako ng Kape Amparo, suot ang jacket ko kahit hindi naman sobrang lamig.Honestly, hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan ko pang mag-act na casual. Wala namang casual sa pagpunta sa café ng lalaking galit sa’yo dahil nakita niya ang countdown sa wrist mo.Very normal weekend activity.I pulled my sleeves down, making sure that the number was covered.23.Still there.Still waiting.Hindi ko pa nakikita si Caelan since kahapon, after niya akong iwan sa likod ng old science building. After he told me to try somewhere else.And because apparently wala akong self-preservation, nandito ako ngayon.Death said I should earn his trust.So… step one: show up?Okay, maybe hindi perfect ang plan.Pero at least may plan.Huminga ako nang malalim bago ko binuksan ang pinto ng café. The little bell above it rang, and agad akong sinalubong ng amoy ng kape, toasted bread, and something sweet na parang cinnamon.“Lyra?”Napatingin ako sa counter.Si Marisol, mom ni Caelan, a

“Aray— damn it, Lyra!”Napatigil ako, hawak pa rin ang kettle.Caelan was standing beside the sink, hawak ang kamay niya habang tumatalsik ang hot water sa counter.“Oh my God.” I dropped the kettle so fast muntik na rin akong masunog. “Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry—”“Sinabi ko bang buhusan mo kamay ko?”“Hindi ko sinasadya!”“You were supposed to refill the kettle. Refill. Hindi gumawa ng mini disaster.”“I told you hindi ako dapat pinagkakatiwalaan sa hot water!”Caelan gave me a look while turning on the faucet. “That’s not something people usually brag about.”I stood there behind the counter of Kape Amparo, feeling like the worst employee in café history.First day ko pa lang.First official day, actually.And I had already injured the only person I was trying to keep alive.Very on-brand.Caelan held his hand under the running water, jaw tight. Hindi naman mukhang serious burn, pero red ang skin niya. Still, my stomach was folding in on itself like guilt-flavored origami.“I’m rea