Before We Were US のすべてのチャプター: チャプター 1 - チャプター 5

I remember the night my parents died as a blur of whispers, casseroles, and people who kept touching my shoulder like I might break.Grief, I discovered at ten years old, has a specific smell. It’s a mix of floor wax, overly floral perfume from well-meaning neighbors, and the metallic scent of rain clinging to umbrellas left by the front door. Our house, once a place of loud music and my father’s terrible singing in the kitchen, had become a museum of hushed tones.Everyone kept telling me I was strong. They said it like it was a compliment, but the truth was I felt nothing at all. I was a hollowed-out shell, a ghost haunting my own living room. Every time a relative leaned in to offer a tearful "I'm so sorry, sweetie," I felt a physical urge to vanish.Unable to stay inside the crowded house, where the air felt thick with the steam of lasagna and pity, I slipped out the back door. The porch steps were cold against my legs, the wood slightly damp from the evening mist. I sat there,

Monday morning arrived with the kind of oppressive humidity that made the fluorescent lights of North Hills High feel ten degrees hotter. I spent the morning avoiding the hallways where the football team usually congregated. I didn’t want to see the way Noah’s arm looked draped over Madison’s locker. I didn’t want to see the "golden couple" in their natural habitat.By the time the seventh period rolled around, I was practically vibrating with nervous energy. Math Club was my sanctuary. There were no pom-poms here, no varsity jackets, and no expectations to be the "saved" girl. Here, I was just a brain with a pencil.The club room was tucked away in the basement of the science wing, smelling faintly of dry-erase markers and old floor cleaner. Dani Reyes was already there, hunched over a desk with three different colored highlighters tucked into her messy bun."You look like a derivative that can't be solved," Dani said without looking up.I dropped my bag on the desk next to her. "Tha

The air at Miller’s Lake was thick with the scent of pine needles, woodsmoke, and cheap beer. It was the "End of September" bonfire, a tradition that usually felt like the pinnacle of high school life. But as I stood by the edge of the water, watching the orange flames lick the dark sky, it felt like a funeral for the way things used to be.Madison was in the center of the crowd, her laughter ringing out over the music. She was wearing a cropped sweater and tight jeans, the perfect "queen bee" even in the middle of the woods. Noah was beside her, but he wasn't really with her. He was leaning against a trucktailgate, his eyes scanning the tree line until they found me.I looked away, focusing on the dark ripples of the lake."You're doing that thing again," Dani said, appearing beside me with a plastic cup of soda."What thing?""The 'I'm an island' thing. You’re physically here, but mentally you’re already in a dorm room in Chicago .""It’s safer there," I muttered.The music shifted