Chapter 1

IT has been more than a year since Yna Maria’s heart was broken, yet the pain still feels fresh, as if it happened only yesterday. She simply cannot move on. Even when others call her foolish, she chooses to hold on to hope, believing that one day, Janus will walk back into her life.

 

Everything changed after that painful first heartbreak. The cheerful, loving, and kind daughter the Cortes family once knew was gone. In her place emerged a reckless, rebellious girl who spent her days drinking and causing trouble.

 

She saw no purpose in life anymore, thinking of herself as worthless. She became a regular at her favorite bar, drinking until she could barely stand. She lost count of how many times she got into fights, defending herself from the unwanted advances of other drunk men. This was exactly what worried her parents most — their family name was being dragged through the mud, and what angered her father the most was having to constantly fix the messes she made.

 

Jonathan grew tired of repeating himself; every word he said seemed to fall on deaf ears. His patience was wearing thin, because instead of obeying him, Yna only grew more defiant and out of control.

 

Yna was walking down the stairs when her father spotted her. She quickened her pace, hoping to slip past him unnoticed.

 

“Where are you going, Yna?” he called out.

 

She stopped abruptly and rolled her eyes in annoyance — she had been caught. Turning to face him, she knew he would lecture her again, but she was determined to leave, and no one was going to stop her.

 

“Same as usual, Dad. I’m going somewhere I can finally relax,” she replied sharply.

 

“Are you heading straight to the bar again?” he asked through gritted teeth, struggling to keep his temper in check.

 

A faint, bitter smile touched her lips. “You guessed right, Dad. Now, if you’ll excuse me?” She adjusted the strap of her bag and began to walk away — until her father spoke again, making her pause and shake her head.

 

“Yna Maria, my daughter, I’ve told you time and time again to stop ruining your life. Must I keep repeating myself?” He stepped closer to her.

 

“I am not ruining anything, Dad. I just want to make my days meaningful. Besides, there’s nothing here for me to do anyway.” She smiled proudly, as if spending her nights drinking was some kind of achievement.

 

“Yna, I want you to become the responsible person you used to be. I want you to take charge of our company, so you can finally do something worthwhile and meaningful. But how can you do that when you keep wasting your time on foolishness? Instead of growing into a good woman, you act as if you belong on the streets.”

 

She only scoffed and turned her back on him, refusing to listen to another lecture. She hated arguing with him, because deep down, it hurt her too — but she would never let anyone see how much it affected her.

 

“Yna, why are you doing this? You were never like this before. Where is the daughter I once knew?” Her father’s voice was filled with sadness.

 

“That Yna Maria is gone forever, Dad. She will never come back,” she answered bitterly. “I’m leaving.”

 

“Please, just stop hurting your mother and me like this.”

 

“Just ignore me, Dad — then you won’t have any more problems. Goodbye.”

 

Without waiting for another word, she turned and walked out of the house.

 

Jonathan pressed his palm against his forehead, exhausted and helpless. He knew he was partly to blame. He had given her everything she ever wanted, spoiled her with luxury, and failed to set proper boundaries when she was younger. Now, he could only blame himself for being too lenient as a father.

 

Yna headed straight for the bar — it was the only place she felt she belonged, and the only escape from the constant pressure to become the heir to their family business. She had no interest in managing a company; her true passion lay in writing novels and articles, but her father never supported that dream. She was also afraid of failing, terrified that her lack of confidence would ruin everything her parents had worked so hard to build. Even though she held a Business Management degree, she felt it was never enough, and the thought of leading the company filled her with fear.

 

She found a quiet corner table away from the crowd, right across the dance floor, and paid extra to reserve it just for herself. She wanted no interruptions — only her own thoughts and the alcohol to drown them out.

 

Soon, she ordered ten bottles of her favorite drink and began to pour them down her throat one after another. She got drunk fast, drinking more recklessly than even the most hardened regulars. And as the alcohol took over, her heartache came rushing back.

 

She still could not believe Janus had left her without a single explanation. She had trusted him completely, believed his promise that they would be married by the end of the year — only for him to vanish into thin air. She even hired a private investigator to find him, but no trace of him was ever found. Eventually, she gave up and tried to move on, yet it remained the hardest thing she ever had to do. Even her parents seemed powerless to pull her out of her self‑destruction.

 

Every time her father scolded her, she rebelled even harder, determined not to look weak or pitiful in front of anyone. She tried to find her old self again, but the pain and anger had taken root too deep, leaving her trapped in a cycle of grief. She hated being a burden to her parents, but she felt powerless to change. She told herself she had become a different person now, and the only way to cope was to drown her sorrows — to forget all her problems, and most of all, to forget Janus.

 

Bottle after bottle, she drank until more than thirty were empty. She tried to stand up and dance, but her legs wobbled, so she sank back into her chair and ordered even more. Her hair fell loose, messy and covering half her face, making her look like a lost, broken soul. She wept silently between sips, drinking far more than she had in weeks.

 

All she could think of was Janus — how much she longed to see him, to hear his voice, to demand the explanation he owed her. He used to forbid her from having even a single drop of alcohol, and now, the pain he caused was the very reason she could not stop drinking.

 

Eventually, she slumped forward onto the table, pounding her fist against the wood as her mind spiraled deeper into madness. Though the bar was full of people, no one dared to approach her — she looked wild and disheveled, her hair falling everywhere, and she seemed too far gone to care. They thought it was her life, her choice, and none of their business.

 

“Janus… I was such a fool to believe all your lies,” she slurred out loud, tears mixing with the alcohol. “You told me I was the only one you wanted to spend your whole life with… so why did you leave me?”

 

Strangers stared and whispered, but Yna did not care about shame or judgment anymore. She only wanted to erase the memory of the man who had shattered her world — the man she thought was the answer to all her prayers. Janus may not have been her first love, but he had given her the deepest heartbreak of all — the one that was slowly killing her heart.

 

And still, she asked herself over and over: Why am I still looking for someone who no longer cares? Why am I driving myself to ruin for a man who walked away and never looked back?