Chapter 3

Annie fell silent.

After a little while, she asked in her tiny voice, “Is it because of me?”

My heart felt as if someone had grabbed it and squeezed it.

“It’s not because of you. It’s just that Daddy is tired, so he wants to take a break, okay?”

She nodded, still confused, and placed her small hand on my face. “Mommy, you have dark circles under your eyes. I want you to rest, too.”

I held Annie close. “I’m not tired.”

The next day, Annie’s condition took a sharp turn for the worse. She started coughing up blood, her tiny face turning purple as she gasped for air.

The doctors rushed in to resuscitate her while I was pushed out into the hallway, where a nurse handed me a notice for the overdue fees.

I scrolled through all my contacts. I had already borrowed from everyone I could, and I had begged everyone I could beg.

When I made my last-ditch call, the person on the other end stayed silent for a long time before saying, “Claire, you haven’t even paid me back the three thousand dollars you borrowed last month.”

Left with no other choice, I reached back out to the hospital about the clinical trials.

They turned me down bluntly. “No way. Your liver and kidney function tests are already in the red. You can’t participate anymore.”

Seeing Annie lying there with tubes hooked up to her, I decided I would just have to find another hospital.

As soon as I ran downstairs, I bumped right into Julian.

He shoved a receipt into my hand and said, “I’ve paid Annie’s hospital bill. Don’t use the excuse of abandoning our child to shut me down anymore.”

A dark bruise covered his cheekbone, and his knuckles were swollen.

I clutched the paper tight, and a realization suddenly hit me. “Where did you get so much money?”

During our first year after leaving the Young family, my prenatal checkups cost money, and pregnancy complications required expensive care. So, he went behind my back to join illegal underground fights. When he came home, he had two broken ribs, but he was holding eighteen hundred dollars in cash and a bag of imported health supplements, smiling as if nothing had happened.

“Didn’t you promise me that you’d never go back there again?” I yelled. “I can figure out the money! I don't need you putting your life on the line for us!”

He closed his eyes, then suddenly let out a calm, bitter smile. “You can? Fine, then you do it.”

He tugged me along and led me into a dingy, gray building. It was thick with smoke, with several shirtless men playing cards.

“Hey, Julian, you’re really going all out, huh? You just fought two matches, and you’re back for more?”

He pushed me forward. “Not me. Her.”

One of the men sized me up, frowning. “A woman fighting? What kind of joke is that? But… we are short on ‘volunteers’ for platelet donations. It pays a twenty-thousand-dollar allowance per session.

“Looking at her pale face, though… Can she even handle having her blood drawn? If something goes wrong, it could cost her life.”

Julian glanced at me, his gaze fleeting. “She can.”

Then, he turned around and walked out.

The man asked if I had really made up my mind. I looked at the closed door and nodded. Twenty thousand dollars was enough to cover Annie’s medical bills for six months.

I lay down on an old medical chair. First, they needed to draw blood for a preliminary test.

When the thick, outdated needle pierced my arm, the pain made me cry out loud. My exhausted body was screaming in protest.

Just as they were preparing to insert the main needle, the door was kicked open.

Julian’s chest heaved as he panted. “Forget it. We don’t need the allowance. Book me for another match tomorrow instead.”

I sat up abruptly, causing the needle to slip out of my vein, and blood splattered across the bedsheets.

“Get out! I told you I don’t need your help!”

Due to my severe anemia, I couldn’t stand steady. So, he crouched down, pulled me onto his back, and began walking us home.

“Claire, I said… forget it.”

My consciousness faded in and out, blurring the line between the past and the present.

During our second year after he left the Young family, I used to wait for him at the restaurant where he worked until closing time. To save on bus fare, he would carry me home on his back.

Lying on his back in a daze, I used to ask him softly, “Julian, did you secretly work four jobs again today? Are you really tired? Do you regret any of this?”

He held me securely on his back and replied, “As long as I’m with you, nothing else matters.”

Now, along with the wind, the very same voice drifted into my ears.

“I regret it, Claire.”

My tears splashed onto his back.

“I regret it, too.”

Perhaps I shouldn’t have given birth to Annie in the first place and made everyone suffer along with me. However, I had no choice back then. The doctor warned that given my health complications, an abortion carried extreme risks to my own life.

My vision went dark, and I passed out. When I woke up, I was lying at home. I sat up abruptly as Annie came to my mind.

Just then, Julian called.

“I’m at the hospital,” he said. “The doctor said Annie needs to be hospitalized for ten days. Bring a change of clothes over.”

Ten days.

I repeated the number silently in my head. In ten days, I would be leaving for good.

Just as I was about to hang up, I heard Annie’s voice on the line.

“Daddy, once I get discharged from the hospital, I’ll be good and go away with Mommy… That way, you can finally get a good rest.”