Chapter 4

The Words I Couldn’t Hold Back

Emilia 

My hands were resting on the sink, as I tried breathe slowly, but my chest felt tight as the night before kept playing in my head. I remembered how my hand had slipped from the steering wheel the day before. For a moment, I thought that I would crash. I heard the doctor’s voice asking, “Are you there?” but I could not answer. I had pulled over to the side of the road and turned off the engine. Then I cried.I had cried for almost an hour inside that car. I cried until my throat hurt and my eyes burned. I cried because I was scared. I cried because I was angry. I cried because I knew my days were numbered.

I stayed there for almost an hour before I gathered myself and drove home slowly.

I told myself that I needed to think clearly. Standing in the bathroom now, I felt that same panic rising again. My life was already hard, and now I had to live with the knowledge that I did not have much time left. Yet all I could think about was Julian. I kept asking myself one question. Could I at least spend my last days feeling loved by him? Even if it was small, even if it was not perfect, I just wanted something real from him. I wanted him to look at me and care. I wanted him to hold me without checking his phone. I wanted him to choose me.

That morning, when the doorbell rang, my heart jumped. I knew what it was so I rushed out of the bedroom before Julian could get to the door. “I’ll get it,” I called quickly. 

The delivery man handed me a small package and an envelope. My hands trembled as I signed. I closed the door gently and pressed the items to my chest. These were my test reports and my drugs. I did not want Julian to see them first. I wanted to be the one to tell him. I wanted to look into his eyes when I said it. I wanted to believe that when he heard the truth, he would finally soften toward me.

I went back to the bedroom and locked the door. I opened the envelope slowly. The words were clear. The results confirmed everything the doctor had said. I felt tears fill my eyes again, but I forced myself to stay calm. “It’s okay,” I whispered to myself. “You can do this.” I picked up the drugs and held them tightly. I told myself to have faith. I assured myself that Julian would not ignore this. He would not be cold when he knew I was dying. He would care. He had to care.

At breakfast, I could barely eat. My fork kept hitting the plate because my hands would not stay still. Julian noticed. “Why are you acting strange?” he asked without looking up from his phone.

“I’m not acting strange,” I replied softly.

“You’ve barely touched your food,” he said. “Are you sick?”

I swallowed. This was my chance. “Julian, I need to talk to you.”

Before he could respond, his phone rang. He looked at the screen and quickly answered. “Hello?” His expression changed when he did, and his face became pale. “What? When did this happen?” He stood up immediately. “I’m coming right now.”

He ended the call and grabbed his jacket.

“Wait,” I said quickly, standing up too. My voice shook, but I tried to stay strong. “Please, wait.”

“I don’t have time, Emilia,” he said. “This is urgent.”

“I have something important to tell you,” I said. My heart was beating so fast that I felt dizzy.

“It can wait,” he replied. “Cassandra needs me.”

The moment he said her name, something inside me broke. “Cassandra?” I repeated. “Of course. It’s always Cassandra.”

He frowned. “This is not the time.”

“When is the time, Julian?” I asked loudly. “Tell me. When do you ever have time for me?”

He looked annoyed. “Stop this.”

“No, you stop,” I said, my voice rising. “Do you even care about me a little?”

“I said I don’t have time for this,” he replied.

“You never have time for me,” I said, feeling tears fall down my cheeks. “You only talk to me when you need help with your company. You come to me when you need advice. And then you go behind my back and promote Cassandra.”

His jaw tightened. “Cassandra is your best friend.”

“She was my best friend,” I corrected him.

“You should be happy for her,” he continued. “Why are you acting jealous?”

“I’m not jealous!” I shouted. My chest hurt from yelling. “This isn’t about jealousy.”

“She even asked me to promote you instead,” he said. “She said you deserved it.”

I laughed bitterly. “Then why didn’t you?”

“That decision was mine,” he replied firmly. “And I made the right one.”

“The right one?” I repeated. “So I was never good enough?”

He ran a hand through his hair. “You’re being unreasonable.”

“Unreasonable?” I felt anger take over my fear. “All I ever did was support you. I stayed up with you during meetings. I helped you prepare reports. I believed in you. And you couldn’t even respect me enough to talk to me before giving her that position.”

“I said I have to go,” he replied coldly.

I took a deep breath. My hands were shaking again, but this time it was not just fear. It was hurt. “Julian,” I said quietly, “did you ever love me?”

He paused for a second. His mouth opened like he wanted to say something. But then he closed it. He turned and started walking away. 

“Julian!” I called out as my voice broke but he kept going. Desperation filled me. I could not let him leave like this. Not now. “I want a divorce.”

Julian paused at the door with his hand on the knob