Mag-log inThe next day felt heavier than yesterday, which was funny. Hindi pa nga lumilipas ang buong linggo, pero pakiramdam ko buwan na ang pagod na iniipon ko. My body moved, but my soul was somewhere else, probably still under that acacia tree, clinging to the last pieces of yesterday’s heartbreak.
I walked slowly across campus, clutching my books close to my chest as if they could protect me from anything—or anyone—I’d rather not see.
I kept replaying Sevi’s words in my head.
“Kung sakaling hindi mo kaya… nandito ako.”
Ang dali niyang sabihin, ang hirap paniwalaan. But somehow, it made the world feel less suffocating.
Until I turned the corner.
And saw Sophie.
Her. Again.
She was standing near the bulletin board outside the student lounge, her glossy dark hair flowing perfectly, her pastel purple top hugging her tiny waist. She looked like she didn’t know how to have a bad day. Or maybe she simply didn’t have any.
I froze instantly.
Just my luck.
I considered turning around, but before I could step back, she saw me.
“Oh! Diane!” she chirped, her voice too sweet for the pounding in my chest. “Hi!”
I forced a smile. “Hi, Sophie.”
She walked toward me—small steps, but purposeful, like she had been waiting for me. “I was actually hoping to see you.”
Me?
Why?
My pulse quickened. Not the romantic kind, the panic kind.
“I was worried about you,” she continued. “You looked… a little down yesterday.”
I clenched my books tighter. “I’m fine.”
She nodded slowly, studying my face too closely, eyes soft but sharp underneath. “I get it. Breakups are tough.”
The word hit me like a slap.
“I didn’t say we broke up,” I whispered, voice cracking a little before I stabilized it.
She smiled sympathetically. “You didn’t have to.”
I swallowed hard. My stomach twisted. My heartbeat refused to calm down.
“I just wanted to… check on you,” she said gently.
But something about the way she said it didn’t feel comforting. It felt… invasive. Like she was picking at a wound that hadn’t even formed a scab yet.
“Thanks,” I muttered, stepping sideways. “I have to go.”
But she moved with me, blocking my way, still smiling.
“Actually, wait. I wanted to talk to you about something.”
My eyebrows pulled together. “About what?”
She hesitated, then leaned a little closer, her perfume sweet and flowery.
“About Ryan.”
My heart stopped.
“What about him?” I managed to whisper.
She looked around first, making sure no one was within earshot, then she bit her lip as if hesitant to speak.
“I think… he needs space,” she said softly. “He told me he’s really confused lately.”
I blinked.
Confused?
“Why would he tell you that?” I asked, voice sharp despite my best efforts to stay calm.
Her expression stayed angelic. “Because we’re friends. He talks to me sometimes. About random stuff. Feelings. Stress.”
Feelings.
My chest went hollow.
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear—petite, delicate, practiced. “I really think you should give him time, Diane. He’s not in a good place emotionally.”
“I know that,” I replied tightly. “But… that’s between us.”
“Of course,” she said quickly. “Of course. I wasn’t trying to overstep or anything. I just thought… maybe it would help.”
It didn’t.
Not even close.
My blood heated with a mix of humiliation and anger I wasn’t used to feeling. I didn’t want to break down in front of her again—not when she already saw me yesterday looking like a disaster.
“Thanks for the concern,” I muttered. “But I don’t need your advice.”
The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted how weak my voice sounded. Unsteady. Cracked.
Sophie’s smile dropped slowly, replaced by something colder, barely noticeable, but enough for me to catch it.
“Oh,” she said. “Okay. I was just being nice.”
Then she gave a small, pitying shrug that felt more insulting than comforting.
“I guess some girls don’t like being helped.”
My eyes widened. “Excuse me?”
She blinked innocently. “Nothing. Forget it.”
But her tone was too sweet, too soft, too sharp.
Something snapped.
“I don’t need your help,” I said quietly, holding my ground for once.
Sophie stepped closer, lowering her voice. “You clearly do.”
My jaw tightened.
“Ryan’s been so stressed lately,” she whispered. “A relationship should make you feel lighter… but you seem so heavy around him. Don’t you think he deserves peace?”
The words shot straight through me.
My breath hitched. “Sinabi mo na kanina na naghiwalay na kami. Ano ba ang kailangan mo? Why are you saying this to me?”
She tilted her head. “Because I care.”
Liar.
I knew it. Deep in my gut, I knew something was wrong with this sugar-coated tone. With her perfectly timed “concern.” With the way she slowly chipped away at my confidence since she arrived.
And now, she wasn’t even hiding it anymore.
“I think you’re misunderstanding your place,” mahina kong sabi. Nanginginig but firm.
Her eyes sharpened again, but her lips remained in that gentle smile. “Oh sweetheart… I’m not misunderstanding anything.”
The word sweetheart made my skin crawl.
I stepped back.
She stepped forward again.
Like a predator with a porcelain face.
“You know, Diane,” she whispered, “may rason kung bakit nakakaramdam ng pagkasakal si Ryan. Guys don’t like being dragged down emotionally.”
Napahinto ako.
“He wants a partner he can breathe around.”
My ears rang. My heart squeezed painfully.
“And sometimes,” Sophie added softly, “girls like you don’t realize when they’ve become a burden.”
Everything blurred.
Everything stung.
My throat felt tight.
“You don’t know anything about us,” I whispered hoarsely.
She shrugged lightly. “I know enough.”
Another step.
“And I know Ryan,” she said, eyes flickering. “More than you think.”
I couldn’t breathe.
Couldn’t speak.
Couldn’t move.
I hated that the tears formed before I could stop them. I hated that she saw them. I hated that my heart felt like it was being wrung out in front of her.
“Okay ka lang?” she said sweetly.
I hate you, gusto kong sabihin.
But the words wouldn’t come out.
“Just… leave me alone,” I choked.
Instead of stepping back, she smirked a little—softly, briefly, wickedly—before wiping it away with a fake look of concern.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” she said quickly. “I’m just being honest. Bilang kaibigan mo.”
“Hindi kita kaibigan,” I snapped, voice trembling uncontrollably.
And that’s when it happened.
Sophie suddenly gasped loudly, stepping backward dramatically.
I stared at her, confused.
Before I could respond, she cried out—loud enough to echo.
“Ow! Diane, why would you push me?!”
My eyes widened, horrified. “I—what? Hindi kita tinulak—”
She clutched her arm, pretending to wince, eyes watering instantly. “That hurt!”
“Hindi nga kita hinawakan, itulak pa kaya!” I protested, panicking.
And right then—
“Sophie?”
Ryan’s voice.
My lungs collapsed.
He was walking toward us, eyes widening as he saw Sophie clutching her arm… and me standing there with tears in my eyes.
Perfect timing.
Perfect trap.
Sophie looked at him with trembling lips. “Ryan… I was just trying to help her…”
My stomach dropped.
“I swear, she just suddenly—”
“She’s lying!” I cried out, looking at Ryan desperately. “Ryan, I didn’t do anything—”
But he was already moving toward Sophie, worry etched deeply across his face.
“Sophie, okay ka lang ba!” he asked, resting a hand on her shoulder.
My heart broke again.
“No—Ryan, makinig ka sa akin,” I pleaded, stepping forward.
But Sophie flinched dramatically, hiding behind him.
“Please don’t let her come near me,” she whispered shakily.
I froze.
Ryan’s brows furrowed, and the anger in his eyes wasn’t aimed at her.
It was aimed at me.
“Diane,” he said firmly. “What’s going on?”
My voice cracked. “She’s twisting everything! Wala akong kasalanan. She’s bullying me!”
Sophie gasped, offended. “Me? Bully you? Ryan, why would I do that? I was trying to comfort her because she looked sad.”
“I wasn’t sad until she came near me!” I shot back.
“You were crying,” Sophie countered softly. “I was worried.”
Ryan turned to me, disbelief in his eyes. “Diane… bakit mo naman gagawin ’to?”
Ang sakit.
Ang hirap.
Parang pinipigil ko ang mundo na hindi ko naman kayang pigilan.
“You think I would hurt her?!” I screamed, voice cracking into a pathetic, breaking sound.
But Sophie sniffled softly behind him, and Ryan instantly wrapped an arm slightly in front of her—an instinctive move to protect her.
Protect her.
Not me.
Never me.
“Diane, tama na,” he said coldly.
The tone.
The finality.
The unfamiliar distance.
It crushed me more than yesterday’s breakup ever did.
Sophie whispered shakily, “Ryan… I don’t want trouble…”
“You’re not the problem,” he assured her gently.
And that was it.
That was the dagger.
He turned to me, every trace of affection gone, replaced with disappointment.
“I didn’t think you were capable of this,” he said quietly.
Tears spilled over my cheeks uncontrollably.
“You don’t believe me…” I sobbed, voice raw. “You really think I’d hurt her?”
He didn’t answer.
He didn’t have to.
His silence screamed everything.
Sophie stayed behind him, small and fragile—playing the role perfectly.
And me?
I felt like I was shrinking.
Breaking.
Shattering all over again.
“Ryan…” I whispered one last time.
But he looked away.
“I think you should go, Diane.”
My breath hitched painfully.
Sophie hid her face in her hands, pretending to cry.
And Ryan held her.
I stepped back.
Then another.
Then another.
Until the distance between us was wide enough for both of them to breathe.
I turned away, my vision blurred with tears that wouldn’t stop falling no matter how hard I tried. My feet stumbled blindly as I moved farther and farther from them.
I didn’t look back.
Because if I did…
I knew it would destroy me completely.
The bus hummed softly as it rolled out of campus. I tried, really tried, to focus on the view outside. Trees blurring past. Morning light filtering through the glass. Anything but the fact that Sevi was sitting right beside me.Too close.Not touching, but close enough that I could feel the warmth from his arm.I adjusted my bag on my lap, pretending to be busy. My heart, on the other hand, was anything but calm.Normal lang ’to, I told myself. Isang bus ride lang.But then the bus suddenly jolted over a small bump. I wasn’t prepared. My body tilted slightly, and before I could stop myself, my shoulder brushed against his. Not hard. Just enough. I froze.“Sorry,” I blurted out instinctively, turning toward him.He looked at me, surprised, then smiled.“It’s okay,” he said softly.My cheeks warmed. I nodded quickly and turned back to the window, but my heart was already betraying me, beating faster than it should.A few seconds passed.“Diane,” he said quietly.“Yes?” I replied, still
The morning of the camping activity felt strangely heavy and light at the same time., Heavy, because I knew I would be trapped in one place with too many emotions I didn’t fully understand yet. Light, because for once, there was no stage, no competition, no judgment. Just trees, tents, bonfires, and people pretending to be carefree.As I climbed the steps of the bus, the familiar scent of vinyl seats and early-morning coffee greeted me. The chatter inside was loud, laughter, teasing, bags being shoved into overhead compartments. Halatang excited ang lahat sa mga activities. Ako rin naman ay excited din. Pero hindi na katulad nuon. Gaya nga nang sabi ko, nakakaramdam ako nang bigat. Hindi natin alam ang mga mangyayari.I scanned the seats instinctively. Then I saw it. An empty seat. Window side. My heart gave a small, hopeful jump.Without overthinking, I walked straight toward it and sat down. I placed my bag on my lap and leaned slightly toward the window, watching the campus slowly
The bench felt colder than usual that afternoon. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa hangin, o dahil matagal na akong umuupo roon mag-isa. The same bench. The same tree. The same spot where laughter used to come naturally, now replaced by silence that pressed against my chest.I poked at my food, appetite gone again.Ang arte mo, I scolded myself. Hindi naman kayo.But feelings don’t disappear just because you tell them to.I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t notice someone standing a few steps away.“Diane.”I looked up. Sevi. He wasn’t smiling. Not worried either. He looked… certain.“Can I sit?” he asked.I nodded, shifting slightly to make space. He sat beside me, elbows resting on his knees, staring straight ahead. For a moment, neither of us spoke. Tahimik. Mabigat. Parang may unsaid words na nakabitin sa pagitan namin.“You’ve been avoiding me,” he said finally.I let out a small breath. “Hindi.”“Don’t lie,” he replied gently. “You don’t have to.”I looked down at my hands.
There’s a certain kind of exhaustion that doesn’t come from crying. It comes from holding yourself together for too long. That was where I found myself after everything, after the pageant, after the public judgment, after Sophie’s downfall, after Ryan’s silence. Para akong nakatayo sa gitna ng bagyo na biglang tumigil, pero basa pa rin ang damit ko, nanginginig pa rin ang katawan ko. I realized something important in that quiet aftermath.Ayoko nang gumanti. Hindi dahil hindi ako nasaktan. Hindi dahil hindi ako galit. Kundi dahil sawang-sawa na akong maging galit.Revenge felt tempting at first. I won’t lie. There were nights when I imagined saying the perfect words, doing the perfect thing that would make them feel exactly what I felt. Yung tipong pantay na tayo.But then I asked myself—pagkatapos nun, ano? Would I finally be happy? Would the heaviness disappear?The answer was always no. So I let karma do its thing. Tahimik lang. Walang announcement. Walang drama. And karma didn’t d
The lights were still too bright when I finally stepped away from the stage. My ears were ringing from the applause, my hands still shaking slightly as I held the bouquet close to my chest. Second Runner-Up. The sash felt heavier than I expected, not because of the fabric, but because of everything it symbolized.I walked toward the stairs leading down from the stage, careful with every step. The heels were stable this time, but my legs were tired, not physically, but emotionally. Para akong galing sa digmaan na naka-smile lang sa labas.“Diane.”I stopped. I didn’t need to look to know who it was.“Sevi,” I said softly, turning around.He was standing a few steps below me, hands in his pockets, wearing a simple black polo and jeans. No sash. No spotlight. Pero sa dami ng taong dumaan sa buhay ko, he stood out without trying.He smiled—yung familiar na hindi pilit, hindi scripted.“Sayang,” he said gently. “You should’ve won.”I chuckled, shaking my head as I took the last step down.
Pagpasok ko pa lang sa campus, ramdam ko na agad. Yung bigat sa hangin. Yung paraan ng mga tingin ng tao. Hindi na curious, hindi na impressed, kundi mapanghusga.Stares are not new to me. Since nagbago ako, nasanay na akong pag-usapan. Pero ngayon, iba. Hindi ito yung “wow, ang ganda niya” na bulong. Ito yung “siya ’yun” na may kasamang kunot-noo, buntong-hininga, at mga salitang hindi na kailangang marinig para masaktan.“Si Diane ’yan ’di ba?” “Grabe, ang kapal ng mukha.” “Feeling victim pa rin.” “Ginawa niya ’yun para makaganti kay Ryan, for sure.”I tightened my grip on my bag strap and kept walking. Hindi ako tumigil. Mas lalo akong hindi ako lumingon. Hindi ko obligasyon and magpaliwanag para lang maiba ang pag-iisip nila sa akin. They think what they want. Besides, if I explain myself, they would think that I'm being defensive. Kung tutuusin, kaya kong sumagot. Kaya kong ipagtanggol ang sarili ko. Pero pagod na ako sa pagtatanggol ng isang katotohanang ayaw namang pakinggan
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