Chapter 4

I got to the dorm and it was quite than ever.

My keys hit the floor and the sound cracked through the room like a gunshot. I did not bend to pick them up. I sat on the edge of my bed and stared at the white wall until my eyes burned.

But it did not help. And I still saw him.

The way Lucian did not look away when I talked nonstop at the table. The way he pushed the fruit tray closer even when I didn’t reached for it. He looked like he was happy with me just being there.

My phone buzzed on the desk. And I stared at it. My fingers were cold as the pen pal group opened to his messages.

I won't force you to trust me.

Then came another buzz.

But I would spend the rest of my life earning it if you would let me.

I did not reply. I could not. Not when my chest was too tight. And I couldn’t breath.

Another buzz came through and I almost screamed.

You once wrote that nobody had ever made you feel beautiful.

And the air completely left my lungs.

How could he remember that too? A post I had made when I got bullied in my first year.

I wanted to be the first person to make you feel like the remarkable woman you've always been.

Not because you needed changing.

But because you've never seen yourself the way I do.

I picked up the phone and threw it onto the bed. It bounced once and landed face down.

Why would he not stop? Why did he continue to sound like LB when he is not even close to be a normal person. How could The Devil be the one I talked to at midnight when the dorm was asleep and I was too anxious to breathe?

A knock hit the door and I tossed on my side, awaiting my best friend to enter.

"Lory?"

I called and the door flew open. My roommate stumbled in with two grocery bags and froze.

"There you are!"

She saw my wet face and her smile dropped.

"Kira. Were you crying?"

I nodded. And that was all it took.

It spilled out of me in pieces. The anonymous pen pal site. The promise he said about showing me what real feels like and the restaurant and not just any restaurant, The Blackthorn. The name I never wanted to hear attached to his voice.

Lory set the bags down. She then sat beside me on the bed.

"You don't mean it Kira" She countered, her lips forming a playful smile.

"I am serious." I mumbled.

"Kira."

"You expect me to believe Lucian Brookmoore messaged you?"

Her tone was full of sarcasm and disbelief. And I could not blame her, I almost did not believe it too.

"He did." I said softly but knowing she probably would not take me serious.

"The billionaire nobody has a photo of?"

"Yes."

"The Devil?"

"Yes!"

She stared. Then she let out a breath that sounded like surrender.

"I love you."

She said and pulled me into a side hug.

"But you have officially lost your mind."

I wanted to take her with me, to prove I was not crazy but would not that mean endangering my dear friend's life?

"I have proof!"

"Don't tell me you allow a scammer turn you into this?"

Tears came again and I wondered why I was crying for a man who probably did not care about me, to him I could probably be a joke, someone to teach a lesson for not keeping her feelings and heartbreaks to herself.

"I wish I am lying."

I said softly amidst tears, and I wondered why I kept crying. I did not even shed a tear when Peter ended our two year relationship.

Lory's face softened. And she squeezed my shoulder.

"Hey. I do not understand any of this."

She said.

"Neither do I."

And that was the truth. I did not understand how a man the city feared could know the exact words to make me feel good. I did not understand how I could want what he promised me and hate him in the same breath.

I do not know how long I have been quiet. Lory was asleep on the couch, breathing soft under a blanket. The room was dark except for the reflection of light coming from my phone each second a message came in.

I picked up my phone and scrolled through the academic platform my school created thinking it could possibly take my mind off this new phase that seems like a nightmare.

Then I stopped.

One photo of Maya stopped me. She was smiling at the camera. Her left hand was stretched out. And a diamond caught my attention. She got a ring.

'Forever begins today'

She wrote and a slow word came out of my mouth.

'Peter'

He proposed. It had not been more than a day since he told me I was too much. Since he let me walk away like I was a mistake and then Maya was perfection.

I laughed and it sounded wrong and forced in the quiet room.

And I thought maybe I really was impossible to love.

Maybe I would never be enough.

Lucian's message kept popping up, and I allowed my thumb to move.

'They call you the Devil'

Three dots appeared instantly but I kept typing.

'And I want you to ruin the life I have been trying so hard to hold together'

The moment I pressed send, his reply came in immediately.

'Tell me what you need.'

'I will do everything I can to give it to you'

I closed my eyes. My heart was hammering. But it was not fear. Not this time. It was something reckless. Something alive in me and I thought what harm is there if the Devil could use me as he so please.

And for the first time in my life I made a choice without asking permission from my fear.

Then morning came.

'Be ready at 7'

He had sent.

Lory was still sleeping when I rushed into the bathroom. I was close to telling him to get the fuck off, block him and continue to live my simple life, but I cannot. His promises felt like what I need or even more what I existed for.

I was done putting on baggy pants and a hugging top matching it with a pair of sneakers, and to me that was perfect, unapologetic.

Then a knock sounded and I thought 'just in time'

I opened the door expecting two guards or the man he sent the other day.

But Lucian stood there alone.

No security. Just him in a dark coat with rain in his hair. His gray eyes moved over my face like he was counting the reasons I might shut the door.

"I thought..."

The words would not come.

"Your men would come." I said softly, like I was already so excited for whatever it is that comes next.

"I wanted to."

His voice was low. Careful. Like he was afraid of breaking something.

"If you changed your mind..."

"I wanted you to tell me to my face."

How could I possibly change my mind, even when it has crossed my mind so many times, yet I could not. I want this.

But I did not answer him. I stepped aside and walked outside while he followed closely. He held the door to his Maybach open and I hesitated before climbing in.

He drove in silence. No music. And he did not raise any conversation, or ask me why I changed my mind.

He kept both hands on the wheel. His veins popped, and my eyes followed every jump in his veins to his neck.

He did not reach for me. He did not look at me. And I missed that. How weird it seems. He drove past the hotels and the bars and every other place I thought a man like him would take a girl to ruin her.

Then the car stopped. And I looked up to a plain building. A simple sign hung over the roof. The Registry Office.

I turned to him slowly and confused.

"This is not..."

"No." He opened the car door. "It is not."

My legs moved before my brain did.

"What are we doing here?"

I asked and he looked at me like the building did not exist anymore and like the street did not exist either.

Like it was only me and him and the shallow breathing between us.

"You once said something."

I blinked waiting for another reminder of me that had completely eluded me.

"You said..."

He stepped closer, his eyes searching mine.

"That the first man you would ever truly give your whole heart to would be your husband."

And like a flash it transferred to my memory. I remembered typing that and posted it on my feed.

"I remember." I whispered, shaky at the intensity of his eyes and I bit back every urge to cry and throw myself in his arms.

His hand went into his pocket and he brought out a black little box.

"Kira."

He said my name like it mattered, like he liked the feel of it.

"I won't ask you to become someone you're not."

"I won't ask you to abandon your dreams."

"And I won't ask you to trust me overnight."

His thumb brushed over my knuckles. And it took everything in me to not fall right over him.

"But I am asking one impossible thing."

My heartbeat was so loud and I thought he could hear it.

"Be my bride."

And the street went quiet and my heart almost stopped.

"If you will stand beside me"

"I will spend every day proving that you were never invisible."

His eyes were bright. Gentle and I saw pain or was it fear? Flash in his blue eyes.

"I don't want to rescue you."

"I want to choose you. And I want you to choose me."

I looked at the doors. Then at him. At the man the whole city called The Devil.

And thought this was stupid.

Knowing that tomorrow I might hate myself.

And he might get tired of me.

That this might be a contract that ended with a broken signature and a cold regretful goodbye.

But maybe the ache would stop. For now. Maybe I would stop feeling like a girl who was always too much and never enough.

But then I drew a breath. Feeling so small right under his beautiful eyes.

"Okay."

I whispered and something broke across his face.

Surprise.

"I will be your bride."

And the almighty Lucian Brookmoore stared at me like he had totally forgotten how to speak.

...

We walked inside the office hand in hand ignoring the smell of old paper and disinfectant. A clerk slid forms across the counter flashing us a wide thoughtful smile. Lucian signed first. His signature was fast and sharp. Then he passed the pen to me.

My hand shook as I scribbled down my name, praying I do not ever regret this.

"Congratulations"

"Ring?" The clerk asked.

Lucian's jaw tightened. "She has it on."

The clerk looked at me and nodded before stamping the paper. The sound was loud and final.

Lucian did not let go of my hand right away. He looked down at our fingers like he was surprised they were still joined.

And I almost thought it was all a dream. Lucian Brookmoore is now my husband?

"You can leave," he said. "Tonight. If you want."

I should have. And that was the smart thing, but my legs would not budge.

"I am tired of running," I said instead.

And his eyes lifted to mine.

"Then do not."

He opened the car door for me. And I got in.

We did not go to the Blackthorn this time. We did not go to any penthouse he was rumored to own. Instead he drove to a quiet street with a mansion with a wide flower veranda.

"This is ours Kira, except you are ready for more, this small house will be yours and mine until you are ready to belong to my world."

He unlocked the door and I watched in awe. What he had called small was in fact bigger than any house I have lived in. It was warmer too. And a shelf filled with some series I liked.

I took off my coat and dropped it on the cushion, strangely loving the way Lucian's eyes never leave me, not even for a second.

"You lied to me," I said. Quietly, reminding him what I could have chosen to forgo, but definitely not when I was so speechless and out of words.

"I did." He agreed, squeezing my hand tighter, and I love the feel of his palm caressing my wrist.

"Why?"

"Because I was afraid."

He set his car key on the glass table.

"If you knew who I was, you would have built a wall before I ever got to say your name right."

I looked at him this time. Really looked. He had a white shirt that seemed to never welcome dirt on, and his chest broad and even I could see how his abs flexed from the tight material.

And this time there was no guard. Just a man with tired eyes and a messy hair.

"Do you expect me to believe you now?" I asked and he winced.

"No."

"Then why am I here?"

"Because you asked me to ruin your life," he said. "And I am too selfish to let anyone else do it."

And I laughed. I wanted to pretend it was not anything, but it was real and I could not even deny that.

He stepped closer. And I almost shifted back, but his hand found me and trapped me closer. His eyes stared into my eyes and I could not look away. Then he kissed me, slow at first then it went out of hand and I could not resist kissing him back.

"Tell me to stop," he said against the kiss and a moan escaped my throat.

I did not say anything. Did not dare, for fear that I would only beg him to take me and make me a woman right there.

"Tell me you do not want this."

He pressed, but still I could not and I wished he would shut it and only focus on what he promised, 'ruining me'.

"Kira," he called softly.

"I am not a good man. I have done things that should keep you far away from me. But I am yours now. All of it. The worst parts and the quiet parts. If you want them."

The core of it hit me then. The real struggle. It was not him. It was me.

I had spent years believing love meant shrinking myself. That I had to be easier and more, but here Lucian was asking me to be exactly as I was. And to let him stay with me through it all.

And that felt too good to be true and that was more terrifying than any headline.

"I do not know if I can trust you," I said.

"I know." His voice was breaking.

"But I am tired of pretending I do not want to try."

His throat jumped and his lip curled into a small smile. The Devil smile was indeed perfection.

"Then try."

He said and lifted his hand, slow. He waited. And I moved first. I took it. And allowed his fingers to close around mine.

And for the first time since I met him, Lucian Brookmoore did not look like The Devil.

He looked like a man who was afraid I would leave.

"Thank you"

He mumbled, and without any hesitation I got back to business, kissing him like I have been starved.

"Take me"

"Please"

I begged and instead of feeling a rush of shame, it felt just right.

"I am all yours Kira"

His eyes light up as his belt got undone.