Waking Up

The Sun beat on my face and my eyes opened with my first thought being of Rogan. My dream had taken me to the top of the mountain and the feeling that he nearly overcame me.   My face was wet with the tears I’d cried even as I slept with the idea of simply seeing him.  Just as I saw him thought something took him away just as fast and he vanished in a flash of hot red mist.   I took a moment looking around just sitting where I was. These days it didn’t matter where I slept or what I did anyway.  I surprisingly was in my today wrapped in one of Rogan’s shirts.  I was struggling with the fact as time went on they were smelling less and less like him and more like me.  I refused to allow anyone to wash them or take them. The Luna had tried once and I think she quickly realized that was a bad idea.  I had luck by my side because the Alpha felt similar to me and I did utilize that to my advantage.    

I had barely turned when I heard knocking on my door I already knew who it was and sure enough it was my mother Laura. She came in smiling to my eyes open. “Oh look at you all snuggled up in your bed today.” I already knew why she was so happy. Laura had begun checking on me as soon as things settled and continued to do so every morning as she came to the clinic.  She had seen me in far worse places than a bed that was for sure.     

“Why are you so cheering?”  I stated in a sarcastic voice.  I loathed these moments because I knew what it all would mean. I would have no choice but for some food down just to make her happy.    “I am always happy to see my daughter.” She grinned.  She pulled something wrapped in tin foil and I prepared for what she was going to offer. My stomach grumbled and I pushed it to the side. The truth was I liked the feeling of it grumbling because it proved to me that I was still alive.  “I thought today we could try a breakfast burrito, Rollo really seemed to like it.”  She smiled sitting on the bed beside me.   

“Is that why you are so happy, Rollo? You two must have had a good morning.” Her face instantly froze which meant they did have a good morning but she didn’t want to tell me.  “You know you don’t have to hide your happiness from me.” She looked down again almost ashamed that she had come in smiling now.  “Mother, it’s okay to be happy.” I put my hand on her shoulder. “You have earned every right to be happy and I wish you two would pick a date for your mating ceremony already. It’s time.”   She still barely moved as I spoke. I felt like I was making things worse just speaking but others needed to live I knew that especially the ones I loved.    

“I don’t think now is a good time Kelllina. I am very busy with the clinic running and there is still too much going on.”    

“Nothing is going on. There is no reason for you not to move forward with plans you had before Ro-” I couldn’t even say his name right now.  I took a big gulp before speaking again, “Before things changed.”     

We were both quiet and I was trying not to think about how Rogan would agree with me right now because that only made the thought of him harder. I was trying to encourage others to move on when I couldn’t find a way to do so myself.  Even my best friend Reese was gone.  After her birthday ceremony when she realized Alex and her were not true mates she left the entire area deciding to go to college with humans no less.  Even trying to reach out now she was gone never answering and I couldn’t blame her.  There was a pain in thinking of all that could have been that just wasn’t there anymore. Meanwhile, Alex had moved on finding his mate quickly a shy girl a year older with a kind face but she was no Reese that was for sure.  He tried to make things right with Reese but she was inconsolable especially when she realized she had no mate or at least none that had appeared.  It was what drove her away and convinced them that she should focus on finding a career.  I wasn’t even sure if she would even return.     

“Kellina I will think about what you said and even talk to Rollo but I will only agree if you eat this.” She now placed the breakfast burrito in front of me.   I'd argued enough and decided it wasn’t worth it so I began to eat. She watched me quietly allowing me time to think. Everything had become quieter since Rogan had been away. I was fine with the quiet because it meant less time for people hovering over me. I couldn’t stand when people just constantly hovered over me as if I would break because at this point, I’d seen what breaking meant and there wasn’t any way I was giving up if I knew Rogan was out there.  

I finally halfway through the burrito was allowed to be left alone. As soon as my mother left the room and I could hear her making her way down the grand stairs, I threw it away and went my way to get ready for the day. I barely could remember the day but knew I was supposed to meet Erin for sparring and then take a walk with Gorm. I wanted to share with him my dream and see what it meant. I wasn’t sure where Rogan was standing and wished I could have made out more. My dreams felt more like everyone else’s anymore with small hints of what might be. I was holding on to a connection with a mate that seemed to be dissolving faster and faster all the time. I knew it was because we’d been away from each other for so long and the fact I had not marked him. I hated myself for not being quicker or smarter in the ways of mating before it all. I would have known what Rogan was doing and would have been able to save us both.  

All I could think of was that night and what might have been if I had only been smarter, stronger, and quicker which is why now all I did was continue to persevere and grow my powers. If the Red Crescent Moon pack dared to bare their paws on our land again, I would make sure they knew who the Crimson Priestess was and what I was capable of.