The alpha's Regret

Chapter One: The Perfect Luna

The pack house smelled like pine and meat and old wood. Maya breathed it in as she walked down the hall at dawn. Her bare feet made no sound on the worn floors. She'd been awake for hours already.

She'd checked the infirmary. Restocked the bandages. Counted the medicine. She'd settled a fight between two young wolves over hunting grounds. She'd sat with a crying she-wolf whose mate came home with a deep wound on his leg. Maya cleaned the cut herself. She stitched it with steady hands while the she-wolf wept.

The sun wasn't even up yet.

That was her life now. Every day. Every week. Three years of this.

She found Xavier in the great hall. He stood over the big wooden table with Marcus, his Beta. His back was to her. Broad shoulders. Dark hair still wet from his morning run. His scent hit her,cedar and snow and something deep and warm that made her wolf stir.

She loved that scent. She'd loved it since the first time she smelled it.

Maya..He turned. His grey eyes found her. He almost smiled. Almost. How's the infirmary?

Restocked. Ren's leg is fine. He'll stay off patrol for three days. She stepped closer and touched his arm. Just a light brush. A wife's touch. He'll heal.

Xavier nodded. His hand covered hers for a second. He squeezed once. Twice. Then he let go and pointed at the map on the table. Marcus, send more wolves to the east border. The rogues are getting bold..

Maya's hand hung in the air for a moment. She lowered it slowly.

She knew his touches by now. They were quick. Polite. Never lingering. He kissed her forehead every morning. He thanked her for dinner every night. He told the elders she was a good Luna. A perfect Luna.

But his wolf never reached for hers anymore. Not like it used to.

Stop it, she told herself. He's tired. The border is tense. Winter is coming. He has so much on his mind.

She straightened her back. Pushed her shoulders down. Smiled.

I'll handle the kitchen, she said. The winter feast is in two weeks. We need enough meat for the visiting packs.

Xavier looked at her. Something soft passed through his eyes. You're always thinking ahead.

It wasn't a compliment. It was just a fact. Like saying the sky was blue.

Maya's wolf whimpered deep inside her chest. She pushed the feeling down.

Someone has to, she said, trying to sound playful. Alpha.

He didn't smile back. He just turned to Marcus again.

The morning turned into a mess.

A litter of pups got into the old herbs in the storage room. One of them,a tiny brown thing named Eli,started throwing up purple foam all over the kitchen floor. His mother Hilda screamed. The other pups scattered. The omegas panicked.

Maya didn't scream. She scooped Eli up, checked his breathing, felt his pulse. She grabbed the neutralizer from her pocket.she always carried it.and poured it down his throat. He coughed. He sputtered. The purple foam stopped.

She held him against her chest. She hummed an old lullaby. The one her own mother used to sing. She rocked him back and forth until his breathing steadied and his eyes stopped rolling.

Hilda was crying. Shaking. Luna, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..

It's okay. Maya's voice was soft. She wiped Eli's mouth with her sleeve. He's a pup. Pups get into trouble. That's what I'm here for.

She pressed a kiss to Eli's forehead. He gurgled and grabbed her hair with sticky fingers. She laughed. A real laugh. It felt strange in her chest.

Hilda took her pup back. Tears still ran down her face. "You're too good to us, Luna.

Maya waved her away. But the words stayed with her. Warm and sweet and aching.

This is why I do this, she thought. This is my family. These wolves. These pups. This pack.

She found Xavier in the training yard an hour later.

 He was fighting two warriors at once. Shirtless. Sweating. His muscles bunched and flexed with every move. He was beautiful like this. Wild. Alive.

She leaned against the fence and watched him. Let herself want him. Just for a moment.

He caught her staring. His eyes went dark. Something flickered there. Heat. Hunger. He disarmed one warrior with a brutal twist. He threw the other to the ground. Then he walked toward her. Breathing hard.

You're staring, he said. His voice was low. Rough.

She tilted her chin up. You're worth staring at.

His hand came up. He cupped her jaw. His thumb traced her cheek. Her wolf rose up, desperate and hopeful. Yes. Finally. This is it. He sees me.

Then his gaze flickered. Just for a second. Over her shoulder. Toward the east road.

The road where Seraphina had left. Three years ago.

His thumb stilled. His hand dropped.

I need to shower,he said. "The elders' meeting is in an hour.

He walked away.

Maya stood there. The warmth drained from her skin. Cold crept in. The kind of cold that came from deep inside. The kind that told you something was very, very wrong.

It's nothing, she told herself. He's tired. He's always tired. The pack needs him. I need to be stronger for him.

But her wolf whimpered. A low, broken sound.

Because she knew. She'd known for a long time.

When Xavier looked at her, he saw a perfect Luna. An efficient partner. A warm body beside him at night.

He didn't see the woman who'd given up everything for him. He didn't see the wolf who'd chosen him. Loved him. Bled for him.

He saw a placeholder.

And she was so tired of being a placeholder.

That night, she lay beside him in their big bed. The fire crackled. The wind howled outside.

Xavier was on his back. One arm behind his head. His chest rose and fell. Slow. Steady.

She curled into his side. Pressed her nose to his neck. Breathed him in.

He tensed.

Not a flinch. Not a push. Just a tiny stiffening. A muscle tightening under her touch. It lasted half a second. Then he relaxed. He patted her hip.

Sleep,he murmured. You've earned it.

Not I love you. Not I need you. Not even thank you.

Just... sleep.

Maya lay in the dark. Her hand pressed to her lower belly. She hadn't told him yet. The missed heat. The nausea she'd hidden from the healers. The tiny flutter she'd felt for two weeks now.

A pup. His pup.

She'd prayed for this. Dreamed of it. She thought maybe a child would fix them. Maybe a baby would remind his wolf what she truly was to him.

She swallowed the lump in her throat.

I'll tell him tomorrow. When he's in a better mood. When the border isn't so tense.

She pressed a kiss to his shoulder. He was already drifting. His breathing deepened. His body softened.

She stared at the ceiling. Counted the cracks in the plaster. Listened to the house settle around her. The creak of old wood. The distant howl of sentries.

She loved this pack. She loved him. With every broken, bleeding piece of her soul.

If that meant being the perfect Luna. The quiet wife.The undemanding mate.

So be it.

She would wait. She would try harder. She would be enough.

I will give him one chance, she whispered to herself. One chance to see me. One chance to choose me.

If he fails. I'll take our pup and leave. I'll never look back.

The fire crackled.

Xavier rolled away from her. He sought the cold edge of the bed.

And Maya, Luna of the Silver Crescent Pack, closed her eyes and dreamed of a future she'd never have in this house