Chapter 17.2

Sara went to the stove where her rainwater was now boiling. She turned off the gas flame and used her tin coffee cup to measure water into her cooking pot for her macaroni and cheese. She refilled her coffee cup with water before placing both on the table. She dumped the packet of freeze-dried pasta into the pot and stirred it. She sat down and sighed as she poured instant coffee into her cup and swirled it around. With her first sip, she could feel the comforting warmth and the caffeine enter her system.

“Oh, that’s better,” Sara said as she poured some of her cold coffee into the cup to cool it a little. She took another drink from the cup and murmured. “That’s even better.”

Sara drank her coffee as she waited for her noodles to reconstitute and be edible. She reached over to her cooking pot and stirred it occasionally, each time sampling a small bite to see if it was ready to eat. She was famished after eating mostly trail mix the day before.

She was finally content that the macaroni and cheese was ready to eat. Sara moved the cooking pot, setting it in front of her, and began to eat directly from it. Sara was aware she was eating faster than she should have, but it did not matter to her. She wanted to get back to the journal.  When she finished eating, she shoved the pot over to the side and picked up the journal at the same time. She quickly found her place in the book and continued reading where she had left off.

December 31, 1879

I did my best to not sleep last night, but I failed. Each time I would doze off, those monstrosities would invade my mind. I can still hear them now while I am awake. The sounds are never ending from them.

I am cooking more flesh. I am cooking as much as I can at one time now. It is supposed to last the day, but instead, my ravenous hunger makes me eat it all in a matter of a few hours. Then I must cook more.

I have not checked the snow yet this morning. I can still hear the rain tapping at the roof and now the walls of the cabin. That sound is like the chore bells of Heaven to me. We might finally be free of this place.

December 31, 1879

Second entry. Hallelujah, the snow is still melting. It is down a few feet from where it was last night when I last checked it. I am nearly in tears with relief at knowing I will be able to get us out of here unless, God forbid, this changes back to snow. For the first time in many days, I can see over the top of the drift in front of the cabin. I no longer feel like my home is a tomb.

I need to prepare what small traps and snares we still have in the cabin so I can set them as soon as I can climb over the drift in front of the door. I also need to wrap Jim and prepare him for burial. That will be the most challenging part of this for me. While he is still here in the cabin, I feel like he is still with me and watching over me. Laughing at me when I do something dumb.

I miss Jim’s stories. I wish he was sitting here telling me one of them as I get the traps ready. The stories he told me about things he did when he was a boy were my favorite. I would have loved to grow up the way he did. He knew everything about every plant, animal, and fish in this area. He was so kind and loved to share everything. Lord, I miss him.

My Sarah, I never thought I would miss anyone the way I miss you. I was wrong. I miss Jim as much as I miss you. In a few ways, maybe more. I feel guilty about that. I should never miss anyone more than I miss you.

I have held off eating more flesh for as long as I can. I am starving. I should not be, yet I am. I need to eat to settle this craving.

December 31, 1879

Third entry. I should not have eaten. I know I must if I am to have the strength to get us out of here tomorrow, but I am now more voracious than I have been to this point. I have never felt anything like this. It is consuming my every thought. 

I am doing my best to focus on getting everything ready for our escape from this place and getting food tomorrow. My mind keeps going back to my hunger and lust for more flesh. It is an inhuman gluttony that is afflicting me.

My beautiful Sarah, I have longed to be with you since the day I lost you. At this moment, I would not want you to see me as I am. I have become as much a monstrosity as those beasts that have invaded this forest. 

December 31, 1879

Fourth entry. It is nearly dark, and the rain and wind are continuing to melt the snow. I am completely flabbergasted at how fast it is melting. If it continues at this rate, there will be no snow left on the ground by morning. 

I am planning how to do things tomorrow. I think I will go out and set the traps and snares first thing. After that, I will come back and take Jim out to bury him as I promised. I will look for a good place while I set the traps. 

I have a place in mind that I need to check on for him before I lay him to rest there. It is close enough to the cabin that I can keep watch over his grave and tend to it as needed. It is a small clearing among a little grove of trees. When I have gone there, I have felt how serene and peaceful it is, and deer are often grazing there. I think he will like it there. I believe his soul will rest well there.

December 31, 1879

Fifth entry. I could no longer take the urges and hunger. I am cooking more flesh. I will be so relieved when I have Jim buried and can no longer consume him. I would rather starve than continue, but I give in to my weakness with him here in the cabin with me. If he is in the grave, I will not have a choice. That will be best for both of us.

I sit here contemplating if I should sleep tonight or not. If I do, I have no doubt that my dreams will be filled with those abominations, including the wendigo that takes Jim’s form once again. That thought makes me feel sick to my stomach. That monster pretending to be my brother and taking his form in my dreams shows how truly evil it is.

My body and mind are both weary. My eyelids are heavy, and it is taking what strength I have left to fight sleep. If I sleep, it will do me no good. I will feel the same as if I stay awake because of the blasted dreams tearing at what is left of my sanity. I will take the risk of going completely mad if it means I might rest tonight.

December 31, 1879

Sixth entry. Jim came to me in my dreams, the real Jim. We talked like we always have. I told him where I have planned to bury him, and he wholeheartedly approves. I apologized for not laying him to rest sooner, and he told me not to worry myself about it. That I have no power to control the weather, including a blizzard, no matter how much I may want to. 

Jim told me he will keep the monster from invading my sleep tonight and for as long as he can. After he is buried, his spirit will be free, and he might not be able to protect me after that. I thanked him for anything he can do. Even if it is only one night to allow me to rest, I will be happy.

January 1, 1880

It is the first day of the new year, and I hope that it is an omen of what the year will bring. The sun is shining, and the snow has almost entirely melted. There are still some remains of drifts that wear extra deep, and that is all.

I have my day planned. I will eat before I go out and set the traps and snares. After that, I will come back here, eat again, and rest a bit. Then I will finish bundling Jim and then take him to where he will rest. The ground is frozen, so I will have to pile rocks on top of him to protect him. I will collect and place as many rocks as I can today, and each day, come back and add more. By the time I am done, I want him to be under a mountain, safe and protected.

I have more flesh cooked, and it should now be cool enough for me to eat. After breakfast, I will get started with everything. Today will be our salvation and escape from this place. I can feel that in my soul.

January 1, 1880

Second entry. I got all the snares and small traps set that I had here in the cabin. I am resting a bit, drinking some willow bark tea and eating before I take Jim to his final resting place. I am not sure how I feel about what I am about to do.

With Jim being in the cabin with me, it almost felt as if he was still here. Now that I have him wrapped in his shroud and I will be taking him to his grave, I am finally feeling that he is gone. I have shed more tears today than I have since he passed. My heart hurts for my brother. I will never get over losing him.

I keep looking at my hands and hope they will hold out for the task ahead of me. They are now gray, and the skin is tough and leathery. I have never seen anything quite like them. I know it is not from frostbite because I can still move them and feel everything. I have not looked, but I am sure my face has the same appearance. I keep telling myself that all I need is real food, and I will get better. After today, I will have what I need.

January 1, 1880

Third entry. I finally have Jim ready to go to his final resting place. It will be a bear of a time getting him to where I am taking him, only being able to use one arm. Jim will be laughing at me the entire time. I can feel it. He will be watching and laughing, offering me his advice and critiques as I go. 

I am going to start now. I hope that when I return to this cabin, Jim will be interred, and I will have game that I succeeded in catching in the traps. The thought of fried rabbit has never sounded so good. I have to get started if I want to get back before dark. 

Sara sat looking at the open book in her hands. She flipped through the rest of it, looking for more writing. Sara sat stunned. That had been the last passage in the journal. Her heart sank as she thought of what that meant. Herschel had never returned to the cabin as he had planned. 

Sara began to cry as she closed the book.  She needed to find where Jim was buried and do her best to find Herschel’s remains if she could.  Locating the mound of rocks covering Jim would be relatively easy. Herschel would be another story. She knew enough to know that if he had died in the open, his body would have been scavenged and then the bones scattered by the animals. 

Sara picked up her phone and sent a message to her husband. She asked him to look at satellite images and see if he could find a mound of dirt or stones near her location. She put the phone down and waited for her husband, Kevin, to answer.