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Lahat ng Kabanata ng Colors of Heartbreak : Kabanata 41 - Kabanata 50

56 Kabanata

XL. Breaking Point

I sat at my desk as I browse through the stacks of reports and designs, scribbling little notes here and there when Killiad suddenly burst through the door, his forehead dotted with a thin sheen of sweat as his face was shrouded with worry.“Kill!” I almost toppled on the floor on my abrupt flight.“Wife.” Relief washed through his face as he stalked towards my languid body, my fingers tightly gripping the desk for support.“You scared me.” I croaked out leaning half of my body on the desk. He's like a man on a mission not stopping for a bit until we are toe to toe.“I'm sorry. I got worried when you didn't pick up the phone.” he breathes as I was immediately enveloped in a huge embrace before he kissed the top of my head.Oh.“Hey, I'm okay. I was just to absorb with work.” I said in a placating voice as I gently push him off me.But instead, Killiad's hands tighten ar

XLI. Faded Memories

I lost my ability for thought. My mind just went blank. It's different that he just knew me for a long time but this? That I possibly knew him from my past and I somehow forgot. Seven long years.I staggered backward, hands shaking. Deep inside I knew it. Just like I know that we were somehow connected.Wait! The girlfriend.No that can't be. There's no way I'm that girl. I internally shook my head.One. Two. Three. I still keep going. Until I couldn't smell his intoxicating scent anymore. Until I know I could somehow resist seeking comfort in his arms.“Where?” I croaked out.“Please don't hate me.” He looked at me pleadingly.“That's not up to you to decide. Explain.” I snapped, glaring at him. I'm not mad at him I'm just fed up hearing secrets and lies to the people I care about.He took a deep breath, let it out like there was a boulder weighing him down and maybe there is.

LVII. The Past

There are days in the past that I would just start staring blankly ahead as I let myself get sucked into limbo. It's empty and it's full at the same time. There was darkness as there was light in the distance. I am alone yet I don't feel deserted.It was all I felt when the memories started to crawl back in. I realize it was a limbo of faded memories and lingering feelings. Feelings that I couldn't put my fingers on in the past but now it's all making sense.“I thought I’ll found you here.” Came a familiar voice. It was Gustavo Petrov. I groaned. I was sitting on the bench in front of the university I graduated from, going over and over the memories of that night.I am torn remembering that night, not in a literal sense, thank goodness. I feel like I've been reborn, remembering a fraction of my past but I also feel filthy having been violated.“Go away, Gus,” I grumbled, swatting him away. He cleared his throat, nudging

LVIII. The Husband

Memories and feelings after death should be illegal, a proper consolation to the dead, away from the pain and terror they or should I say ‘we’ have to go through while dying. I am not a masochist, trying to find my place in the living world when I know I'm no more than just a ghost hanging around them. While the idea was good and dandy, I'm still stuck, lying on my grave, relieving everything that had happened to me.I remember Gus as he lay unmoving, blood pooling from the back of his head. The terror and pain as I was struck from behind.It doesn't make sense and above all, I died without telling Killiad that I love him and that I was never mad at him. I'm mad at myself for being so shallow, only thinking for myself and what I feel.“Elle? Are you awake?” Came a rough, gasping voice on my right.“Gus?” I called unsurely.There were groaned and shuffling sounds before he talked again. “Hey, c

LVIV. The Ugly Truth

Life's a good contender of risk and debauchery. A fact that I refused to see but ended up slamming into my face. Happiness could be a mask and risking for something could be a product of disappointment and selfishness that sometimes we jump headfirst into something that we thought we needed but never wanted. I must be delirious personifying ‘life’ in a way that impacts mine. Yes, I must be delirious or these thoughts won't be lurking at the frontal lobe of my brain.“Elle,” he called as my vision becomes blurry.I didn't know what's with Killiad but the moment I saw him, face contorted in fury like an avenging angel ready to take over the world. The effect in me was instantaneous, every fear I felt vanished and a freeing feeling engulfed me. I sighed in relief, my body hummed as it slouches and all the tension and rigidness left my body, sagging on the damp, cold concrete.Killiad's here. Everything would be alright. I thought as I

XLV. The Confrontation

Fear.I've been scared my whole life. Scared of being alone and of not being enough. And then along the way, I lost myself in the process of running away from all things I was afraid of.I am trapped inside my head, afraid to face reality. Either it breaks you or makes you that's reality– that's truth. And unfortunately, I stayed in limbo.I planned things. I orchestrated everything that would undoubtedly end in a happily ever after. A perfect ending.That was probably the reason why I've been working as a part-time wedding planner in college while pursuing interior design, thinking a well-planned life could save me from disappointment and heartbreak. At the end of the day, I'm still the insecure little girl trying to prove my worth. And even how much I've physically grown from that girl, deep inside I'm scared of taking risks and falling apart.I've been making my own truth, my alternate reality.Lies are a different kind of dru

XLVl. Closure

“Do you hate me, Brad?” Brad looked awkwardly, straight ahead, out the windshield.He shook his head, his face forlorn. “I could never hate you, Elle. I know I'm an a*s. I—I wanted you to hate me. I thought that maybe if I treat you badly you'll hate me enough to curse me to hell and then the truckload of guilt I feel would ebb.”“Did it work?”He raked a hand through his hair, eyes blankly gazing at the distance. “No. Not in the very least. What I did hurt and messed you up. I wish I could take it all back, Elle. I realized I only made you doubt yourself.” I balled my fists as an onslaught of anger slammed in me. I tried to concentrate on what he said and not the memory of him and Stella together.“You did.” I gritted out. Sometimes I lay awake at night thinking if I really deserve happiness. If I really deserve Killiad. What if one day he'll wake up and realized I'm not worth it. Even how

XLVII. Intruder

Blistering heat hit me from the afternoon sun as I walk out of my office for a late lunch at my favorite Mexican place.A smile curves up in my face as I looked around. The world is extra vibrant like an old musical movie playing on a vast lawn with the cold night breeze blowing in the background.It was a scene–a fantasy that had played out many times than I could count when I was falling asleep. It was a safe haven for me in my dreams. A smile tugged up at the corner of my lips. I circle my arms around my stomach as the urge to skip on the sidewalk while humming a nameless tune came over me.As I rounded the corner, nostalgia hit me right in the gut as the scene around me played in a manner like the last movie I had watched.I had watched it with Killiad. I remember wiping a stray tear in my eyes as we watched the movie in silence while I was cocooned in Killiad's warmth.A smile started to bloom on my face the moment I saw Killiad's famili

XLVIII. Breaking In

Funny how can someone mean so much to me after a few hours spent together years ago. I frequently question myself why but like a parasite I clung to her, to our memories spent together, her strength and vulnerability, my darkness to her light.Indeed, the best stories usually begin unexpectedly.Or maybe not.All those years, she’d been my compass, my own guiding path. Our memories together pushed me to where I am today. Elle saved me that day. I was on the edge of losing myself, I was about to give up but then she came barging into my life and I was left with a purpose after that fateful night. That night I feel something I hadn’t felt in a long time.Belongingness.She made me feel human. Complete with happiness, sadness, and grief. She made me peek through the gap of true happiness and for the first time before Elle came into my life I feel peace at heart. She washed away my anger and tame the chaos that took residence in my head.

XLIX. Safe

If I could just snap my fingers and wake up from this nightmare.I have never been so terrified for myself or others. Perhaps it's my fault. I didn't want the attachment. Attachment means physical and emotional responsibility. It means you have to fully giving yourself to someone became you trusted them to take care of yours and they trusted you to do the same. It'll mean my childhood all over again.I've never been so scared for a stranger jumping out of nowhere to save me.That would mean I would be responsible for his life if he's still alive after that single shot went off.I lay unmoving trying to feel every part of my body. At my peripheral vision, I saw Killiad pounding the glass wall mercilessly. He looked tortured, defeated, and scared out of his wits.If he could just look in my direction.My breath caught when then the muscled stranger groaned, a grimace marring his handsome face. He's tall, big, dark, and handsome. He's like the

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