Semua Bab Not Like Me: Bab 1 - Bab 10

"Brittany, I need to go home. I'm not feeling well," I lie. "Okay, well, see you tomorrow. We have a party to plan. And girls for you to keep away from Zander.""Bye, Brit."I leave Brittany's house. As I walk down the stairs, I see Zander sitting on the living room chair. The one where I just sat. "Are you going?" Zander asks."Yes, I'm not feeling well.""Can I walk you home?""Sure, " I hesitate. We both leave the house. Secretly I know Brittany would put me on trial for walking home with Zander. "Listen, Zander; you don't need to worry about me.""Well, someone needs to make sure you get home safely."We take a right, and I find myself on the secret path next to the garden again. Only this time, I'm alone with Zander. The boy I'm tasked with keeping all the girls away from. "Zander, why did you hold my hand?" I ask. "I don't know what you mean." "Never mind, forget it. Bye, Zander. I'm fine now. I'll take it from here, " I say. I walk away from Zander. Our hand-holding ear

School is a few weeks away. I haven't spoken with Zander or Brittany in a week. Instead, I've been helping my dad paint the house, rebuild his 1976 Corvette, and any other job my dad can come up with. "Are you okay, Ash?" Dad asks. "I guess so, " I say. "Well, it's summer, and as much as I enjoy spending time with you, you seem to be running away from something. Are you okay?" Dad asks."No, not really, " I confess. Crap, I didn't mean for that to slip out."Are you and Brittany fighting?" Dad asks."No, not exactly, " I admit."Are you and Zander okay? Did that boy do something to you?" Dad glares. "No, nothing. It's Zander we're talking about. As if...." I lie. "Well, that'd better be the case. You know how I feel about him, " Dad says. "Zander has a girlfriend anyway, " I say. "Oh, really? That boy is capable of being in a relationship?" Dad asks. "Not, really, dad. They make out a lot, " I reply. I think I've told my dad quite enough. "Well, dad, I think I'm gonna call,

I fall asleep next to Zander. I've heard of teens sleeping with and next to each other. I never imagined that it could happen to me. The idea of sneaking around behind everyone's back is new to me. Are teens allowed to take naps next to each other? I guess I'll never know. There's a lot of things that are new to me. Being the worst friend to Brittany is sure to make the top list of my new and favorite vices. I wake up. It's 3 am, time to go back to Brittany's room and pretend I was never with Zander. We made out on his bed for two hours. His lips were soft and gentle. I can still feel them. I blush. I'm not ready to go back to Brit's room just yet. Going back will mean that this magic never happened. That his lips never touched mine. That our lips never made contacted. Zander is still sleeping. I lay my head on his chest and feel his heartbeat below my ear. It's steady. How can his heart be so calm, after we had an encounter like that? My heart keeps thumping like a war drum about t

What in the world am I thinking? Falling for Zander? He's out of my reach. He is out of my grasp. Yet, I want nothing more than to be by his side. I am not sure why in seven hells, I decided to date Aiden. I mean, I know we aren't dating. We are two people who are pretending. Is pretense okay? I sometimes wonder if there is a law disregarding these things. Is there an issue? Falling for someone totally and completely. My best friend told me, 'no,' he is 'off-limits' because she is his sister. She's selfish. I know the party was supposed to be fun. But keeping girls away from Zander was hard. I didn't want to keep myself away from him. I suppose I have always had a useless crush on him. He isn't a bad guy. He's athletic and smart. He's brave and ruthless. He's everything perfect in masculine form. So my desire to honor Brit is strong. And it sucks. It sucks more than any straw I have ever placed my lips on. I want to be a good friend. However, I feel like this relationship is one-

Zander Hogan's text message beeps on my bed. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm torn between two boys. I am excited to be with Aiden. Our date involves food. I like watching him eat. The sweat pours from his body when he eats. I lust after Aiden. I know I do. All the girls fond over the Adonis that he is. He is chiseled in stone. The gods handcraft him. I decide to put on one of my mom's sundresses. I'm still avoiding Brit. Aiden is my surprise. I am excited to have a surprise to show everyone. He will be a great asset to my womanhood. I sound like a tool again. Now I'm the man-eater. And damn, it feels good to be shallow and lusted after for once. Aiden needs a girl on his arm. And now I'm that girl-the product of lust and longing. So, Aiden, here I come. The sundress stretches and is hot. It's blue with stars. My red hair bounces on my shoulders. Dresses are not like me. Only when I danced ballet did I dress up. Now I am lost in the void of womanhood. I don't know who I a