Lahat ng Kabanata ng Was It Worth It Taking The Risk: Kabanata 11 - Kabanata 20

“Stop thinking about it, Tali. You know it's not true, right? Hayaan mo na siya. Darating rin ang karma niya,” Ate Tar said. I know. Karma will crawl on Tita Meredith and that's the time I'll laugh. Pagtatawanan ko ang paghihirap niya. Why not, right? Ginawa niya rin naman iyon kay Mama. She belittled my mother as if she's not a victim. She treated my mother like trash. I have all the right to do the same to her. If I want to treat her like trash, I will. I will disrespect her just like how she did it with us. I don't care if I'll be at fault. The hell I care. “Hey, stop plotting her death in your head. . .” Ate Tar chuckled. Napairap ako. “Burol na niya ang nasa isip ko.” She laughed. We're in the pool. Nakalublob lang ang mga katawan namin sa tubig habang nakasandal sa dingding ng swimming pool. The night was already deep. Konting tao na lang ang nakikita kong naliligo sa paligid, ang iba ay magkasintahan na naglalandian pa. I scoffed. “Where is Psalm, by the way?” S

“Please print me a copy of this, a hundred copies of these. And please do a financial report about this breakdown.” Our head finance said while stacking a slot of papers on my desk. I've been working for a week now here in the company of Alegre Corp. and so far, I am bravely facing the usual things that happen when you're new in an environment — being treated as an outcast. I sighed and nodded at her. “Okay, Ma’am.” I said politely. I am new. Mababa pa ang posisyon ko sa kompanya nila, at nasa finance department ako. The woman was our head finance. Akala ko ay hindi naman niya ako uutusan dahil meron naman akong trabaho na nakalaan para sa ‘kin. But then, I knew this usually happens. When I was in my internship, with the same company, I experienced this. Noon, pakiramdam ko, kinakawawa ako, kaya nanlaban ako. Hindi ko nabuo ang hours ko sa kompanya, dahil lumipat agad ako. My initial decision when Alex offered me a job here was to refuse her. But then, as I thought about it, may

I grabbed my bag and stood in a rush. Fuck this! Anong may anak na siya?!“Tali, hey…” he tried to stand up and reach for me, but I glared at him.“Fuck you! May anak ka na? Gago ka ba?” Sigaw ko.It feels like something tugged at me and told me not to care about our surroundings right now, I just have to lash out! Kailangan kong ilabas ang nararamdaman ko dahil kung hindi, baka sumabog na ako! Damn it! May anak na siya? Tama ang pagkakaintindi ko, ‘di ba? He just said that? May anak siya! Kaya gusto niyang tumulong sa orphanage na ‘yon dahil pakiramdam niya, isa sa mga bata roon ay anak niya!I know, this should not be my reaction over such a thing. Dapat pa nga matuwa ako, e. But no, I don't have the heart to applause him for that stupidity! I was left by my father! I grew up with the knowledge that my father left me. I grew to hate my father, or if I have one! Nonetheless, I still can't take it!Bakit? Dahil pakiramdam ko, isa ako sa dahilan kung bakit walang ama ang sakaling an

Growing up, I am already faced with the harsh reality. I am just lucky enough to have gentle people beside me. I experienced bullying and thought that I was less because I grew up without a father. I grew thinking that having no father made me less of a kid. And that, no kid has no father. If I am, then maybe, I was no ordinary kid. I am born abnormal. Because I grew in a set up that is not normal for everybody.I thought myself as less. And up until now, I carry the weight of that. I will be love less. I will be helped less. I'll be offered with goodness, but less. All things for me should be less. I don't deserve to have it whole. Because I myself isn't whole. From what Psalm shared with me, considering the set up we have — I think it's something personal. I forgot how personal it is that I asked him questions and he answered it, still polite. He assumed that one of the kids in the orphanage is his sibling. His sibling from the other women of his father. He wanted to say sorry. H

I feel like an intruder. Psalm was so lost in his book, reading, memorizing, and highlighting it. I don't even know if he realized that I'm here.I watched him do his thing. Gusto kong lumapit pero baka maistorbo ko siya. Gusto kong magsalita pero baka atakihin siya sa puso dahil sa gulat. Gusto kong gumawa ng ingay pero… pakiramdam ko hindi dapat.“Why are you here?” He suddenly said, making me lose my balance out of shock.What the hell?Malakas siguro talaga ang pang amoy ng isang ‘to! Akala ko hindi niya ako napansin dahil masyado siyang tutuk sa pag aaral niya. But, he did notice me. He knew I was here. He just acted like he doesn't.I cleared my throat.“I thought you didn't notice me…” I said, shyly.He dropped his pen, abruptly. Eyes looking straight at his book. His jaw flexed from my view. His whole side profile was clenched, as if he's trying to contain whatever anger he has inside him…He didn't look at me, his eyes stayed on the book. I suddenly felt… nervous and… bad.I