Been turning this over in my head all day. What strikes me most about this pairing is the weirdly fertile ground it provides for that very specific ache of emotional conflict—the kind born from rigid ideology versus messy, undeniable personal attachment. Engel’s entire being is wrapped up in the ‘purity’ of the Crusade, right? So throwing Oliver into the mix creates this incredible, constant internal war. It’s not just about hiding feelings; it’s about every moment of affection, every flicker of softness, being processed as a spiritual and professional failure.
I read one fic where Engel kept a mental ledger, tallying every ‘transgression’ of kindness toward Oliver as a debt to be repaid through more extreme acts of devotion to the faith. That sort of self-flagellating logic feels so true to the character. The conflict isn’t resolved with a grand confession; it’s in the small, stolen glances that feel like betrayals, in the way a simple order to ‘stay safe’ gets twisted into a heresy inside his own mind. The horror of the setting amplifies everything, making any vulnerability feel like a potentially fatal flaw.
You end up with this taut, miserable, and utterly compelling dynamic where the romance is almost entirely defined by the effort to suppress it, which somehow makes the rare moments of breakdown hit ten times harder.