Funniest Dark Humor Jokes Novels & Stories

This Christmas was actually one of my favorite and hilarious Xmas celebrations with uncle Gabriel here with us. It was fun and embarrassing too which made everything much of a sweet memory later on. How many can I remember? It began with little Josh's scandal, grandpa's embarrassment in the mall that day when he actually and mistakenly took his voter's card to the mall instead of his payment card. That day,I wouldn't dare wish anyone else the kind of embarrassment I felt under the unusual gaze of my classmates. I had to endure it all because my siblings and aunt ran away when they sensed what was happening. What if I tell you about aunt Caroline's argument with the pastor right there in the church on the twenty fifth of Christmas in the presence of everyone and with the pastor still standing in front of hundreds of people or is it uncle Gabriel's mischief which got us in trouble with the police, making us to sleep in the snowy woods with crazy imaginative ghosts hunting us down.

I've just left the washroom when Vanessa Shallow, who has just returned from her maternity leave, covers her mouth as she laughs at me. "Wow, you really are quick when it comes to bathroom breaks, huh? No wonder your sales performance is increasing by leaps and bounds! I suppose it's all thanks to your ability to take off your pants very quickly!" Vanessa acts as though she's joking as she starts making faces at the male colleagues around us. "Right, I forgot how prideful young ladies are nowadays! They can't seem to accept such truths when spoken in such a blunt manner!" The colleagues burst out laughing in a lecherous way afterward. Their perverted gazes keep clinging to my legs the whole time. As I stare at Vanessa's slightly bloated face, my gaze grows cold. It seems that she's so anxious to get her position as the project leader back that she's willing to shed even her sense of shame and propriety. I take a step forward and speak up. "I'm not as skilled as you are when it comes to such things, Vanessa. After all, not everyone is capable of making Mr. Studdard visit their home every midnight during their maternity leave." As soon as my words fall, the previously rowdy office goes deathly silent.

Nathaniel Hemlock was once one of the most feared pirates to ever sail the seas. His endless quest for gold and power claimed many lives but never concerned him since his heart had long hardened. That is until one day that desire took a dark turn. For power and gold he traded not only his own soul but that of his crew. Now he is cursed to sail the seas until the end of time, unless 1000 more souls are given, one a year...all must be children which was one of the only things he would never do. Present day. Lloyd has always scoffed at the legends that bring visitors to his town near the sea, and with the arrival of a movie crew it's gotten worse. Returning home one evening he sees a strange, old fashioned boat docked and curiously decides to board it. A decision he soon regrets. Once onboard he cannot leave. Nathaniel is not best pleased but there is little he can do and decides to use Lloyd as a cabin boy to make himself useful while he continues to search for another way of breaking his curse and freeing his crew. Their lives will soon become more entwined and perhaps Lloyd is the one who can warm the frozen heart.

I still didn't understand what he said. I couldn't think of anything I had done to hurt him. Maybe I was really clueless about what was going on in his life. I wiped the tears off my face with my sleeve. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled." He said looking away. I sniffed. " So....was ...was..what we had...was our marriage...fake? " He sighed and remained silent. At that moment, I realized that the man I had loved and spent 10 years of my life with not only betrayed me by taking another wife but tried to take everything from me. He came into my life for revenge; he married me for revenge, and he loved me for revenge. Revenge for something I knew nothing about. On top of all that, we even had children. My Father was on his side, and he made me choose ...Divorce my husband and lose the right to being his only heir and lose custody over my children or get used to the fact that my husband married another woman and lived the rest of my life in luxury and misery. I can only hope that someone or something saves me from this hell hole.

Madchen ia a sweet girl with a past she wishes to forget, everything changes though when she comes in contact with the powerful Andrei family and draws the attention of Drago, the handsome brooding dark middle son.Madchen soon realizes her destiny has led her onto a path that will change her whole world

Cress height, A town where nightmares lurk in the dark waiting to consume their prey. Maeve Spelman a young witch who abandoned her past in cress heights after the horrible deaths of her family, to start a new life as an actress in LA. Fate has other plans for her as she finds herself back in cress heights. What happens when she finds out she is not only a vampire but also the soul mate of Xavier; The dark emperor of everything unholy who was raised from hell?

Two hearts who meet almost a thousand years back are forced apart by the cruel hands of death who take away one of them. The other vows to bring his beloved back, which he did, but had to pay a price. One thousand years later, Ariel is found regaining consciousness after the supposed coma she had been in. She finds herself in an unknown room with no recollection of her memories, and is forced to live with the cold hearted Damien. What will happen when she realizes who she is?

By day, Maeve Briggs is just a regular, quiet high school senior. She tries to blend in, takes care of her younger brother, and deals with her mom cleaning the huge, fancy Dovewood mansion—a mansion owned by the very rich and very dangerous Caden Dovewood. But at night, Maeve becomes someone totally different: Eve. She puts on a black wig and high heels, dancing for strangers in a secret club. No one there knows who she really is. It's her secret way to escape her tough life and earn money to pay the bills. Then, Caden Dovewood walks into the club. He sees her, recognizes her, but Maeve remains unaware he's witnessed her secret life. It's only later, likely at his mansion, that Caden reveals his knowledge. He's loaded with money, he's dangerous, and he's the last person Maeve ever wanted to know her secret. Now that he does, he won't let it go. He's always a step ahead, pulling her closer with words that make her heart race and eyes that seem to see right through her. He doesn't just want to know her secrets; he wants her. And he doesn't feel one bit guilty about going after her, making their whole situation a dangerous and twisted game.

A fateful meeting between a gangster boss and a girl who was lured and kidnapped by others, both had adventures and since then began to develop feelings for each other.

Dark Romance; A spoiled girl’s game leads her into the arms of an attractive, no-nonsense man. Logline: After playing a reckless game, a spoiled and gullible girl did not expect to find herself in a serious relationship with an intriguing and no-nonsense guy who starts to discipline her. Excerpt: She listened as he stepped forward with his belt, moving closer to her and crowding her with the musky scent he was wearing. She fought to hold back her fear as finally, he came to stand behind her. She felt his fingers gently combing her hair down over her shoulders. Then he started speaking slowly, his deep voice starting to shake her demeanor as he talked to her."You didn't marry a soft knight in shining armor that will cuddle, ignore and pet you every time you choose to deliberately get out of line. I will punish you thoroughly for your disobedience..." WARNING! This is Dark Romance. Do not read if you find the theme offensive.