Funny Fat Jokes Novels & Stories

*Abandoning ship isn’t my style. It wasn’t hers either, but our circumstances ripped us apart. Now it’s not just a literal ocean standing between us. Francine Chirilova has no direction. After coming out of the closet leaves her without a family at age 18, the quick witted 25 year old has been forced to survive on her connections and kind personality. Throw in a rapidly decreasing appetite and a tendency to gravitate toward abusive women for a epic shit show. While recovering from her latest 4 year long mistake, she makes a strong, yet unlikely connection with her virtual best friend. Que in recovering alcoholic Vasilisa Krovopuskova, aged 26 from Siberia, Russia. After surviving a grueling upbringing on her own, trust is a difficult concept to grasp. Already having experienced heartbreak once before, she wasn’t looking for anything serious when Francine crash landed into her life via an online sanctuary for lesbians. With an ocean separating the two, neither Francine nor Vasilisa know which direction to swim in. Will they stay on their side of the world, or drown trying to get to the other? *Disclaimer* - Strong mature content. 18+, please Book one. To follow is book two: “Our Blank Canvas.”

Tess betrayed by her boyfriend left the city without telling a soul, with only one thing on her mind, “revenge”.

Year Malkame returns to her hometown after ten years of exile. She came back following pieces of a puzzle she really needed to find in order to meet her Secret santa, the man or woman who had been gifting her lonely childhood Christmases with joy and music. Being sent away from her home at the age of fourteen, she had lost the trail of the person she was looking for. But now, she wants to finally find him. But in her journey, she finds her childhood best friend Justin. A misfortune leaves her under the same roof with this man. What happens when long-time friends come together after ten years? What happens when she realizes who her secret santa is? And what the hell happens when a billionaire decides he suddenly wants her to not only work for him but also be his woman?

What happens when a wedding planner has to work alongside a temperamental and annoying bride's brother to plan the wedding of the year? Chaos, pure chaos. The last thing Violet needed was a man to touch her slightly not so flat stomach (or perhaps it was a little more than slightly not to flat) and press her against a wall. She wasn't a model, and she knew it. So naturally, she just sucks her stomach in. Violet prided herself on creating the best weddings society has ever seen, the last thing she needed was to go head to head with the bride's brother, when planning Melbourne's biggest wedding of the year. Alex was everything Violet could dream about, but not touch. Handsome, built straight out of a magazine with the six pack. Was his interest in Violet genuine, or just another charm for the bedrest?

My competitive eater classmate, Selina Reeves, bound me to a fat transfer system. No matter how much food she ate, I was the one who gained weight. Later, she was named one of the top 100 food bloggers while I ballooned to 200 pounds and lost my job. My boyfriend did not seem to mind. He even proposed with unwavering confidence. A month later, Selina entered a competitive eating contest and devoured 20 pounds of ribs in one sitting. The excessive fat intake triggered acute hypertension, and I died on the spot. My husband inherited my substantial fortune, then turned around and married Selina without a second thought. When I opened my eyes again, I found myself three months in the past. Selina's food streaming career was just starting to gain traction, and I still weighed 90 pounds. This time, I snatched the ten-inch cake right out of her hands and ate every last bite. She had no idea I had bound myself to a food transfer system. No matter how much I ate, it would transfer to her stomach tenfold.

“You’re too fat to be my Luna.” Those seven words from my fated mate destroyed me. Alpha Derek rejected me in front of the entire pack, chose my skinny stepsister instead, and made my life a living hell. They starved me, beat me, and laughed as I suffered. But I survived. I escaped. I transformed. And I became everything they said I could never be. Now I’m back—stronger, fiercer, and mated to the most powerful Lycan King in existence. Derek’s on his knees, begging for a second chance. Too bad I’m done being the weak, broken girl he threw away. This time, I’m the one doing the rejecting.

I've just left the washroom when Vanessa Shallow, who has just returned from her maternity leave, covers her mouth as she laughs at me. "Wow, you really are quick when it comes to bathroom breaks, huh? No wonder your sales performance is increasing by leaps and bounds! I suppose it's all thanks to your ability to take off your pants very quickly!" Vanessa acts as though she's joking as she starts making faces at the male colleagues around us. "Right, I forgot how prideful young ladies are nowadays! They can't seem to accept such truths when spoken in such a blunt manner!" The colleagues burst out laughing in a lecherous way afterward. Their perverted gazes keep clinging to my legs the whole time. As I stare at Vanessa's slightly bloated face, my gaze grows cold. It seems that she's so anxious to get her position as the project leader back that she's willing to shed even her sense of shame and propriety. I take a step forward and speak up. "I'm not as skilled as you are when it comes to such things, Vanessa. After all, not everyone is capable of making Mr. Studdard visit their home every midnight during their maternity leave." As soon as my words fall, the previously rowdy office goes deathly silent.

She was hired to stand at the altar. She was never supposed to say I do. Naomi Bridges needed rent money, not a husband. But when a mysterious woman pays her to be a "stand-in bride" for a private ceremony, Naomi asks zero questions and signs every paper put in front of her. Big mistake. Because the ceremony is real. The groom is real. And Adrian Holt, billionaire, is now her very real, very furious husband. With one ancient inheritance clause standing between Adrian and everything his father built, the marriage cannot be dissolved. Not for a year. Not without destroying him. So she moves into his mansion, survives his ice-cold mother, outlasts his beautiful ex and quietly begins to wonder why a photograph of her dead mother sits in a Holt family box dated twenty years ago. Then the real bride turns up dead. And someone sends Adrian a video that points directly at his wife. Naomi came for rent money. She stayed for answers. But the deeper she digs, the clearer it becomes that she wasn't chosen by accident... She was chosen because of who she really is. Some marriages are mistakes. Some mistakes are destiny.

Selena has spent her entire life being overlooked. A plus-size, wolfless omega in a world ruled by strength and status, she learns early that girls like her are meant to settle for less. So when Christopher, the future Alpha, claims her as his mate, she mistakes possession for love and gives him everything—only to discover, on the night before his coronation, that she was never the woman he truly wanted. Humiliated and trapped under Christopher’s control, Selena runs straight into the arms of a dangerous stranger known only as D, a powerful older man who makes her feel desired for the first time in her life. One night changes everything. Because D is actually Denver, the feared Alpha King, and Christopher’s uncle. And once Denver realizes Selena is the same woman he can’t stop thinking about, obsession takes hold. Now caught between the mate who tried to destroy her and the ruthless king determined to claim her completely, Selena is forced into a dangerous world of power, betrayal, and desire where one thing becomes terrifyingly clear: Denver does not let go of what belongs to him.

Emma Carson thought the hardest thing she would ever do was survive her marriage. But she was wrong. The hardest thing was leaving it. For two years, she loved a husband who barely noticed she existed. While Liam Carson built his Empire, Emma became part of the background of his life. Overlooked, unwanted, and carrying a secret that would change everything, she finally walks away with nothing but her dignity and a one-way ticket to Paris. She expects to start over... She does not expect to give birth to triplets. Eighteen months later... Bellamy Inc is worth millions, her three children are the center of her world, and Emma is the anonymous CEO behind one of Europe's fastest-rising companies. No one knows who she is. Until Liam Carson books a meeting with Bellamy Inc. And for the first time since she left him, Emma steps into the same room as the man who never truly saw her. But Liam is no longer looking at the woman he forgot... he is looking at the woman everyone else is fighting to impress. What happens when a husband who never valued his wife discovers she was the greatest thing he ever lost? And what happens when three children with his eyes and their mother's stubborn streak become impossible to ignore? A powerful story of heartbreak, revenge, redemption, unexpected motherhood, and a second chance at the love that should never have been taken for granted. Some women get even... Emma Carson got everything.