Hilarious Sarcasm Quotes Novels & Stories

Blurb: “I shouldn’t want this…” I whispered, my chest heaving as my hands clawed at the bed sheets. Kael settles between my legs, his amber eyes glowing as his fingers slide against my throbbing clit. “But you do…” his breath was hot on my inner thighs. “And trust me omega, this is painful for me too…” I flinched as Ronan grabbed my chin, his lips ghosting over the shell of my ear. “You’re trembling like a leaf sis,” he started, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “Where’s the boldness you used to beg us to fuck you hmm?” I looked at them, at my bullies, my stepbrothers….my mates, and I was at a loss for words. Yet my wolf did the talking. “Please,” my body trembled with need. “I need you. All of you.” ***** Liora Dan was never meant to stand out, but fate had other plans. As an omega on scholarship at the prestigious Silverfang Academy, she was targeted by the Academy’s princes; the Alpha triplets. Kael, Elias, and Ronan. Liora was bullied and trampled on for her weakness, reduced to a laughing stock, but she endured it all for the sake of her ailing mother. But when her mother dies of a mysterious illness, Liora is taken in by her mother’s long-lost mate, promised a new life, pack, and family. Liora finds herself in the renowned Durban Pack, and fate plays its cruelest card yet. Her new stepbrothers are none other than the Alpha triplets, the same men who tormented her at school and made her life a living hell. And her mate. Will Liora be able to resist her desires? Or will she be consumed by the bond that changed everything?

My name is Emma. At 31, I am doing well for myself. I’ve got a great job. Or at least a well paid job, my boss loves me, and my girlfriends think I’m great. More important than anyone's opinion is that of my housemate, and best friend in the world, Scott. Scott thinks the world of me and always tells me to be myself. So why do I feel the need to lie outrageously on dates? From rock-climbing to Muay Thai: when it comes to prospective boyfriends, I am compelled to embellish my C.V. with unlikely porkies that alwaysbackfire - with hilarious results. I have Craig to blame for that - he really shattered my sense of self-confidence and self-worth. But then I turn the spotlight on Scott, and he wishes he'd never brought it up. With a penchant for checked shirts and Harry Potter-style specs, I decide he needs a makeover and to experience the abysmal dating world. My friendship with Scott began in the most unconventional way. His past life had made him homeless and isolated, but he saved me. And now we are inseparable. My dating disasters began when my relationship with he-who-must-not-be-named ended. Waking up with a pounding head, a dry mouth, aching limbs and a random arm draped over my waist, I struggle to get up and then stumble to the bathroom. I rubbed my eyes and stare at the hungover, half dead panda eyed loser staring back at me. What started out as a lighthearted challenge with Scott, became something more. We were prepared. But nothing could prepare us for the surprise results! Before long, I realise that our lives will never be the same again.

"Shayari if you're expecting anything from this Nikkah then don't because this Nikkah is nothing but a compromise to save your dignity. I won't be able to give you any rights on me or love that a wife deserves but I will be loyal with you that I assure you. I won't cheat ever but if you dared to cheat on me I won't think twice before shooting you in the middle of your eyes and after a time period I will divorce you as well don't worry we won't be married for forever." He said emotionlessly Well great start for your married life isn't it?He is talking about divorce on the wedding night itself. Note the sarcasm please " I don't expect anything from you, no love, no rights, nothing. This marriage is a big scandal in my life and nothing else.And I'm not a slut that I will cheat on you. I have no interest in that thing. Think yourself free from my side and one more thing if you want you can keep relationships or sleep with others I don't have a problem with that.Anyways, who is interested in you, not me at least. Do whatever you want. And now if you're done with your clear explanation then excuse me I am sleepy and need my beauty sleep because unlike you I sleep at night like any other normal human being "I said and looked at his face.. ***************** Arhaan is like flames dangerous and has the power to burn someone into ashes Shayari is like Roses soft fragile yet full of thorns to protect herself. What will happen when this both will be tied together in an unwanted marriage?Will love bloom between them or the flames will turn the roses in ashes?

"Why pretend you don't want us when your nipples are hard?" Oliver's hands slid slowly under my skirt. I swallowed hard, feeling a lump in my throat. I grasped his hands, but his brother Owen yanked them away. "Because I hate you all! I can't help but wonder why moon goddess made you guys my mates." Their laughter filled the room as if a hilarious joke had just been told. Gradually, his fingers made their way to my pussy skin, then I caught a glimpse of the three brothers whose gaze was fixed on my exposed body. "You must keep this between us because this bond is forbidden. We will fuck you whenever we want because you belong to us" Owen declares as I looked away from them, but Orion gently turned my face towards them, their eyes filled with lusts. There are many secrets we keep for future sake, but what if there are more darker ones to discover? ---------- Miranda's life took an unexpected turn when she was betrayed and rejected by her high school boyfriend because she was a weak omega. Devastated, She also finds out her mum was getting married to a billionaire Lycan King. Accepting a new father was difficult, but that was only the beginning of her challenges. When she met the Lycan King's sons, she discovered they were her former bullies 'The Lycan Triplets' from high school, and to make matters worse, she was fated to be their mate. How will she cope with this situation? What will happen when their parents finds out that they are mates which is forbidden? Of course it has to be kept hidden but for how long? Also will the Triplets continue to bully her, or seek her forgiveness?

Nick Luton Lancaster, a CEO with unlimited wealth, where the world is subject to decisions on his hands. Emotions weren't part of his life—until one name began to disturb him: Luna. A young doctor with a straightforward, innocent, and sometimes careless. She doesn't live in a glittering world and let alone power plays. Her encounter with Nick stems from a professional relationship as a doctor and a patient—a relationship that should end once the diagnosis is complete. Pretend deal, a relationship that's supposed to be just a formality, was the beginning of emotional mess that Nick never imagined. In the midst of the Lancaster family's grand mansion, Luna is dragged into a world foreign to her—where one bracelet is worth more than a person's life, where the decision to marry is thrown out as cold as signing a business contract. Nick is convinced: all women are same. Money, power, and status are the keys to everything. He believes Luna will give up, sooner or later. But he realized Luna is different. She rejects Nick's proposal without glare by a wealth she can't even imagine. Their relationship is filled with tension, sharp dialogue, unexpected hilarious moments, and a closeness that grows without a plan. The usually cold and stiff Nick finds himself touching a woman unknowingly, protecting her, even apologizing, something he hasn't done to anyone before. On the other hand, Luna begins to see the other side of Nick: a tough man who is used to being alone and swears because he doesn't know how to express his feelings. When Nick again utters a line he never pulls back, "Marry me", Luna is faced with a life-changing choice. Stick to his principles, or step into the world of a man who rules everything, except for one thing: her own heart.

After Noah's death, what greeted him was an AI system calling itself Black, offering him a job working for the World and Soul Management Bureau.  He has to travel to many different worlds, taking over an identity of some unfortunate soon-to-be-dead dude, and live out the remainder of his new life there however he wanted. Easy-peasy! ...Right? ...Ok, sure, there are a few small kinks here and there... like terrorist attacks, murder plots, zombie apocalypses, and the like... but one should always look at the bright side! Noah: "...Blackie, is it just me, or is this good brother of mine looking at me like a hungry wolf seeing a juicy piece of meat?" (°△°|||) Black: "Don't worry, host. He is just a bit excited due to nearly losing his life back there. You know, adrenaline." (¬‿¬) Noah: "…are you sure that's what's really going on here?" (っ °Д °;)っ Black: "Absolutely!" (≖‿≖) … ~ Many worlds later ~ Noah: "This secret mission that you can't tell me about… it can't possibly be to get fucked by the least appropriate target?!" (°ㅂ°╬) Black: "Of-of course not! Ho-how could that possibly be, eh?" (; ﾟ 3ﾟ )~♪ ML: Right, right, that's just a very (not so) coincidental bonus. Ψ(╹ڡ╹ )Ψ 💠 Author Note 💠 * SSC has long arcs. Each world is a fully-fledged novel on its own. * Don't let the summary (or the cover) fool you! While SSC does have an occasional explicit smut, it is primarily a fluffy and hilarious romance! * Pairings are one-on-one and taboo-ish. (E.g. hired assassin and his target, monster tamer and his tamed beast, master and disciple, siblings, brothers-in-law, etc.) * More info in the info chapter Author website: lucypandora.com Support the author on ko-fi: ko-fi.com/lucypandora Discord: lucypandora.com/discord

Her eyes widened in horror. The sound was unmistakable — the snap of a belt buckle, the hiss of it being undone. Then came the crash of fabric hitting stone. Terror exploded in her chest. She struggled violently, chains biting into her wrists until blood slicked her palms. Her chest heaved, heart pounding so hard it hurt. Ezra pressed harder, his knee locking her in place. One hand clenched her throat — not enough to choke, but enough to remind her she could not escape. His breath was ragged, wild, as if possessed. “You feel it too,” he growled against her skin. “Don’t lie to me, Nova. Your body wants this. You want me.” No. No, no, no. Her body burned, but it wasn’t for him. It was the cursed bond, the fire belonging to another. And that other… Her eyes filled with tears. Her lips shaped a silent prayer: Kilian. The bond within her surged like wildfire. Her chest arched, a gasp tearing from her throat. She felt it — claws raking down her soul, a storm breaking in her veins. He was here. He had come for her. *** Nova is a skilled hunter, fierce and independent, yet unaware of her true nature and the extraordinary destiny that awaits her. Humiliated by her fellow hunter colleagues for refusing to kill innocent wolves, she flees — only to be rescued by Kilian, the feared Lycan King. Thrust into his world, she must prove herself and earn her place within his pack, all while navigating the sharp wit, teasing sarcasm, and growing tension between them. Kilian is powerful, commanding, and fiercely protective, yet finds himself drawn to Nova in ways he cannot explain. Their connection develops slowly, charged with banter, challenges, and unacknowledged desire. But Nova is far more special and powerful than anyone could have predicted. Her choices, and the bond she shares with Kilian, will shape the fate of their world — deciding whether to destroy it, or to revolutionize and transform it for the better. As they uncover enemies deeply rooted in their lives, they must rely on their bond, courage, and love to face what comes next.

Three years ago, my rich boyfriend, Steven Delaney, went into bankruptcy. He decided to break up with me so that he wouldn't drag me down. As I looked at his broken expression, I steeled my heart and ripped the overseas college application I had just received. "I'll stay with you. Together, we can rebuild your legacy." Everyone told me that I was nuts. Still, I decided to move into a damp basement room with Steven. After that, I took on a job out in the streets that allowed me to earn money the fastest, which was promoting beer to the customers. One day, when I'm delivering beer to the customers, one of them calls out to me. "Hey, this lady looks like you!" There are two screens being shown on a livestream, that's being replayed. The left screen shows me crouching at the doorway of the basement while washing shirts for Steven. It's so cold that my fingers have gone completely red. The right screen shows him all dressed up in a smart-looking suit. He has an arm wrapped around a beautiful and well-dressed woman, and they're both sitting in a luxury car. Steven smiles at the camera and says, "This is my third year lying to my girlfriend about my financial situation. Till now, she still hasn't realized the truth! She really is a pathetic idiot!" The live comments keep popping up on the side. "You really know how to make things interesting, Mr. Delaney! I can't believe you're capable of coming up with the whole 'pretending to be broke in order to test your girlfriend's humanity' act!" "What exactly is that lady aiming for, honestly? She's just someone who sells beer! Does she seriously think she's in a romance drama?" "Oh, this is hilarious! That penniless girlfriend of his is even washing underwear for him! The truth is, the underwear belongs to the Delaney family's household staff!"

My parents had always played favorites. On my birthday, the house was completely empty. Meanwhile, my older brother, Howard Moore, posted a nine-photo grid on social media, showing off a huge birthday cake. In every picture, Mom and Dad were gathered around him, smiling like they couldn’t be prouder. I called them. Laughter poured through the phone from the other end. Still, I gathered every bit of courage I had and asked softly, “Why didn’t I even get a happy birthday?” The line went silent for a second. Then Mom’s bright, smiling voice came through. “Because Howard is handsome. Taking him out makes us look good. But you? Those hooded eyes and that bulbous nose. Honestly, if we didn’t feel sorry for you, we would’ve gotten rid of you a long time ago.” Howard took the phone from her and said gently, “You know you’re adopted, right? Did you really think you were one of us?” I stood there for a long time, too stunned to move. After that, I stopped talking. But deep down, I still craved the love of my biological parents. So I secretly made a post online, looking for my biological family. I didn’t expect Howard to find it. He took a screenshot and sent it to the school’s anonymous gossip account. “The fake Moore kid is looking for his parents. Anyone lose an ugly little kid?” I cried for a long time. Then late that night, I walked past their bedroom door, which had been left slightly open. Howard’s laughter floated out, clear and bright. “He actually believed it! This is hilarious! Let’s hire someone to pretend to be his parents. I can’t wait to see him on his knees, begging us.” Dad took a sip of his tea. “Do whatever you want.” Mom added, “Just don’t go too far.” Outside the door, my fingers slowly loosened around the doorknob.