登入One of the reasons I hate higher education so much is the amount of workload I have. I'm sitting on my bed, tired from doing nothing except trying my very best to understand the book in front of me. Nothing enters my head, not like that's new. I sigh, close the book and plop on the bed. The ac is turned on and I get more comfortable. Just as I'm about to sleep, my phone rings.
Its an unknown number. I am reluctant to answer it, but do anyways. "Hello?" My phone slips from my hand and falls on my face. I cringe, really grateful I'm alone. "I'm outside your dorm. Hurry." All the sleep is gone from my eyes. I recognize that voice too well. I could blame it on the sleep, but I know it's not. Then it dawns on me, why the hell is Archie calling me? "Okay. I coming," I say, not even realizing he'd ended the call. The weather has gotten significantly colder, so I get another later of clothing to add to my sweatshirt and tee shirt. I get cold easily and for some masochistic reason, I always love being cold. I do it and regret though. I, for some reason am trying to sneak out . I'm an adult who has very good use of my freewill, but the thought of anyone seeing me, Ander especially could give me a heart attack. I get to the front door undetected, but woe unto me, Magnus opens it as I am about to, hitting me in the face. I yelp and use my hands to cover my face. "Oh my God I've almost killed you." He says half serious. If it were Gideon or Jesse that hit me, they'd have apologized to me a 100 times by now. I laugh a little. Mostly because I'm nervous and I laugh a lot when I'm nervous. The door didn't even hit me that hard. "It wasn't even that hard. There's no problem." "So, where are you going? Don't tell me Vicky the hermit crab is going for a party?" My first thought is to say yes. A party is the most sensinble thing to say. My phone rings before I can say anything. "I've got to take this." "My car engine is on. Hurry." I end the call this time and look at Magnus. "I'm going to be late. I'll see you later then." "Then let me accompany you to the gate at least. We can form a cover story for the guards so they'll let you in after curfew. Ander and Kyle do it all the time." I'm ready to oppose in the usual meek voice I use to talk to anyone who's not my mother, but his hands are already being thrown over my shoulder. "So, who invited you? Or is it your faculty's party? Us Engineering students are so boring." One reason I like Magnus is his ability to talk for minutes unending without asking my opinion. He goes on to talk about his mates, then his professor, then some hot girl he saw the other day. I'm half listening, because I'm thinking of how to ditch him and go see Archer. We finally reach downstairs and a smiley security guard is at the post today. I've never seen him before, not like I've ever had a need to leave my dorm room by 8 pm. "Hey sir. How are the twins?" They fall into conversation and it could be a good time to leave. I'm almost afraid of what Ander is going to say when I reach his car by midnight. I might at the rate we're going. "Ohhh yeah, before I forget. See, I was rambling and completely forgot I was with someone. My friend here is having a really huge case of indigestion. It's so terrible, he's not been able to sleep." I'm a bad liar and an even worse actor, so I just stand there like a tree. A very nervous tree. They fall into more conversation and finally, I'm let go. "Can you even imagine Fred? That's crazy." I have no idea which Fred I'm to imagine, but I nod anyways. He might be crazy. Finally, Archer's car comes to view. Magnus goes quiet beside me too. Archer spots me and calls me over. "Am I seeing things? Isn't that Archer?" "N-no. Archer just knows the location better. I'm going with him." "Are you sure about that? Like you're a hundred percent sure. You won't feel uncomfortable?" I nod, very very unsure. Heck who knows if I'll be comfortable? "Alright then. Enjoy yourself. If you're getting into any stranger's car, make sure to send me your location." "You're starting to behave like Jesse." "Nooo. I'm the fun one. I'll go now. Bye." I wave bye and get into Archer's car. He doesn't look annoyed, like I thought he'd be. "Nice to see my brother still has his horrible taste in friends." Well hello to you too Archer. I keep that thought to myself though. I'm sitting, my hands on my thighs. I'm playing with the hem of my shirt. He isn't saying anything. All he does is stare outside the window and smoke a cigarette. "Fasten your seatbelt. Let's go." He puts the car in drive and we're out of the campus in a 5 minutes record. That is thanks to Archer's suicidal driving skills. We stop at the parking lot of some convenience store. He orders more cigarettes, this one having some kind of mint flavour. I do nothing but sit like an idiot. "Talk about your family." I turn to him, pointing at myself. "I should do what? " "Talk about your family. Your school life, work, sex. I don't care whatever. Just speak. I want to hear your voice." I can feel myself getting hot. Archer has always had a way with words. I pinch my fingers, looking for things to say. "Well, school is killing me that's for sure. I don't even know why I started. Dad wanted me to take a gap year to focus on..." I trail off. I almost told him I went to therapy. It doesn't even seem like he cares though. Just motions me to continue. The smoke is relaxing my shoulders too. "Well, I am homesick. When dad calls, i want to tell him to come get me, but I don't." Archer finishes with his cigarette, and next thing, his lips are on mine. I whimper purely because I'm startled. I think he sees it as an encouragement, because he's unfastening my seatbelt and pulling me unto his lap. We stay there, him just pecking my lips. Then, his tongue is parting my lips asking for entrance. I'm skeptical, but the cigarette smoke and his hands caressing my back relax me even further. My lips part and his teeth glide my tongue. I can taste the cigarette on him. Archer, even after all this time knows my weak points. My hips unconsciously do that rolling thing and I'm griding into Archer's hips. He gasps and pushes me back to my seat. I'm flustred and confused. My hair is ruffled so I focus on fixing that and not on my swollen lips. "Guess it's back. You may leave." I turn to him confused. He doesn't meet my gaze. Just lights another cigarette. "Go away Vicky." I'm confused as hell but I don't oppose. I hate transfered aggression. I come out of the car and he zooms off. I'm in the middle of Christ knows where. I call Jesse to come pick me when I'm completely out of hope. He comes but someone is with him. Ander. I almost roll my eyes. Enough of the Matheos brothers for one night. Jesse asks me what happened, but I tell him I'm to exhausted to explain. He drops it. I'm glad.I lied to Vicky when I said I was visiting my mother today. It's Angie I'm going to see. The drive to the cemetery feels insanely strange, not the usual level of strange. I shake off the feeling weighing my shoulders down, and go faster. Since I've quit drinking, instead of the usual bottle we share, I buy her flowers. Angie wasn't a huge fan of flowers, but she'll have to make do. The grass crunches under my feet as I make my way there, then I halt completely. I finally know what that uncomfortable feeling was. It's Archer staring down at my sister, quiet as a mouse. I'm about to throw a fit when I hear whimpering. I pause and not later, he breaks a sob. Archer stands there, crying his eyeballs out and I watch him like a creep. He deserves it honestly. He deserves to see what he actually did. I don't think he's ever come to visit our sister since she died 4 fucking years ago. "It's real isn't it." I didn't want to say anything, but I guess my mouth wasn't in on that idea. Archer
I wake up not dreading the day because Ander is by my side. I turn, moving closer to him and inhaling more of his scent. It's so intoxicating, it does nothing to help my morning wood. I can't do anything about it though because since I agreed to be his friend, Ander hasn't made a move on me sexually. Yes we cuddle and feed each other and can't get enough of the other's presence, but nothing sexual. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad one. Ander shifts in the bed too, turns to face me but isn't awake. I stare at his peaceful face. He never looks like this when he's awake, always has his face scrunched up like an unlubed butt plug was shoved in his ass for too long. I'm tempted to push the curls off his face and I do. Passing my fingers through in a faux attempt to untangle the strands. As much as I hate to admit it, Ander is the reason I'm on this bed right now. If not for him, I probably would be a rotting corpse in the bathtub. Sometimes I consider telling him this truth
If anybody were to call me a crazy person, I wouldn't fight them. Instead, I'd give them a trophy for telling the truth. I am a crazy person, and this realization is driving me even crazier. Why am I crazy? I'm crazy because I'm parked in the driveway of my girlfriend's house. Evana was the 3rd year film student I spilled my drink on when I was drunk off my ass at a party. Unlike the expected reaction, she apologized to me instead and sat with me till I sobered up. She's funny and interesting but I never liked her romantically. I still don't, but somehow it feels like there's this pressure on my shoulders to be perfect. I see Ander with his mood swings and tantrums — things that make him the dysfunctional person he is. But I can't be like that. I'm to be the better son. And the better son likes women. Evana comes out of the house in her usual clothing. A cottage skirt, shirt just a size smaller than hers and loafers. She's modest yet incredibly sexy and I should feel something for
I'm pacing the driveway, my fingernail in my mouth. I don't know, or rather, I know. Heck, what am I even saying?I stare at the keys in my hand. I want to go, but I shouldn't. He hates me, and I don't blame him. But I need to see him. It's an urge so strong my hair is standing like I've been electrocuted. Archer asked me where I was headed this morning and I told him to go fuck himself. His brows creased, not very glad my response was crude. But, it's not my fault. It's one of those days I can't get a single thought in my head. It's hyper fixating on Vicky. My brain that is. And no matter what I do, I can't get it to stop. It's like I'm buzzing so much I'm vibrating. "Are you alright?" My brother yells from the balcony. My balcony. My safe haven. I flip him off and gain enough motivation to get on my bike. I don't drive like a mad man like I normally do. Maybe if I drive slowly, by the time I get there, Vicky would've left for classes and I won't have to face him. Archer's apart
It's yet again the same routine. Wake up, lie in bed till my intestines threaten to rip into pieces then go downstairs. Archer has been feeding me, yes. But sometimes I just can't keep the food in. Last night was one of those times. I puked so much, it took my lungs a whooping 45 minutes to recover. And I tried taking a little whiskey to help with the nausea, but the ass wouldn't let me touch anything. I don't know why he bothers or why it bothers me. I always ask myself questions. Does he care? But I know he doesn't. It's so I'll keep his secret. Today's meal is the leftover pizza from last night. There's 3 slices on a plate, a fruit bowl and yoghurt waiting for my consumption. "There's no need. This isn't a very wise bribe." Archer doesn't answer me, but continues staring at the pizza in the microwave. I shrug and eat. My stomach twists, surprised by the intruders, but I force it down my throat. I felt like I was going to die last night. And honestly, I really don't like that fe
Oh my goodness. I'm awake again. It's not a good thing to dread it, but I do. I wake up starving and run to the kitchen for anything edible or closely related to food. Archer has had groceries sent to me twice so far, so there's a decent amount of ingredients to choose from. I snack on the unopened tube of Pringles before making a cereal then an omelette then some toast. I may be eating a lot, but don't look it. I'm still skinny and maybe even paler than I was before. Checking my class schedule, I have 3 classes today, the first one starting in about an hour. I could skip, like I've been skipping but it's about time I go back to living a normal life. Nothing about the last few months have been normal, and I'm trying to end the trend of crazy. I take a relaxing shower and apply my makeup. It's minimal, just to hide the eye bags and my droopy cheeks. After one last fit check, I leave. My taxi is waiting for me right on time but I get to the class a little late. The professor allows
I know I'm awake, but my eyes refuse to open. I'm sporting what is hinting at a migraine at this point. Aubrey, as expected is calling me. I reach out to grab my phone, but instead I push it off the nightstand. I grunt, struggling to get it. Jesse comes inside, sees my peril and grabs the phone fo
I can't tear my eyes away from either of them. I don't know what they're saying, but I feel like I shouldn't know. My head is spinning and I feel so nauseous. The level of attachment I have to Vicky is insane. Unhealthy too, but primarily insane. I call after Jesse as he goes upstairs. "Hey babe.
It's 11:47 am right now. I've been up since 5 a.m because of Jesse. Today is Ander's birthday and he's planned a huge surprise party. Ander as usual went out for a party. Jesse is a hindered percent sure he won't be conscious till noon, so we don't have to worry about interruptions. "Vicky, have y
I hate classes that end in the evenings. Although they encourage me to sleep early or stay in, they also make me feel like murdering myself. I pick up my phone and check the time. It's 17 minutes to 5, and this Professor doesn't seem like they are leaving. My eyes close as I let my mind drift. Som







