Head Over Shoulders

My heart is beating so fast out of my chest, I'm pretty sure I'm going to throw up. My anxiety is over the roof. And I haven't even gotten to my dorms yet. Dad's car hasn't moved from its spot, but I know he's not going to walk with me for any reason.

I'm in college. I'm supposed to be independent and not mid anxiety attack. “Are you sure I can do this? 8 don't really believe in myself right now." I turn to dad with my signature puppy dog eyes.

For the first time since I was born, they're turned down. “You'll get used to it. You know, enjoy it. Play a sport or join a club. Please don't be holed up in your room all day."

“Well you sure as hell didn't teach me how to socialize," I whisper because I know dad hearing that will cause a fight. “Will do. I'll try my very best."

I know dad is in that car itching to hug me. If he does, I'll latch on him and never let him go. Not caring that I'm 21 years.

“Bye son. Love you."

We look at each other and laugh. “Goodbye miscreant. Drink responsibly."

I wave even though I'm a few seconds from bursting out in tears and begging dad to take me back to the hospital. I'm a big boy so I'll cry in the bathroom once I'm settled and the reality of what I've done hits me hard.

He zooms off and I watch the car till it's out of sight. My anxiety comes back. It was because of this anxiety that I started school weeks late.

I drag all my belongings down to Hall 8. I packed everything in my house except Sheila my turtle. Sikes, her name is Voldemort. I just get ashamed to tell people that actually her name. I started calling her Sheila because that was the name of the woman at the desk in the Vet's office.

There's someone at the desk but I have no idea if that's the dorms master or not. I walk up to them. It's a man who looks like he's in his 50's or thereabout. I smile at him politely. “Hey. I'm Victor Andrez. Freshman year in college.“

As he types, I take a look round his little space. The paint job on the wall is peeling, there's a nice carpet under my feet and there's a picture of some person hung not really far from the man's head. All that information isn't necessary, but I still take note.

" Victor Andrez. I've found you. Room 24. Here's the key.“ I stretch out my hands to collect a single rusted key. It looks like it could break at any time. Hopefully not in the key hole.

" Thank you,” I say and start trying to haul my things to my room. The elevators are out of service so I'm standing at the bottom of the stairs with 5 different bags and boxes to be lifted.

“You look like you need some help." I freeze. Completely hoping that that person isn't talking to me. There isn't any reason for someone to talk to me. Am I smelling or stained? I knew I shouldn't have had mayonnaise with my hotdog.

“Hey." They are talking to me. I only realize that because the most beautiful person I've seen is in front of me. "You're resuming late. We've all settled in. What happened?."

“Uh. Things. Events. I was caught up doing events." Shut up brain. Apparently hot guy over here has no problem with my spilling. “I had a problem but I'm all good now." I am finally able to will my mouth to say.

“I'm glad. I'm Gideon." He stretches out one hand to take my hand and the other to take one of my many bags. I give him the heaviest and his 'oof' makes me feel so guilty.

“I'm so-"

“It's okay. I'm just surprised. You don't look like you own many clothes."

My brain doesn't know how to interpret the sentence. I just smile still standing there awkwardly, with my hands at my sides. I don't even know how I'm supposed to stand. I'm so self conscious I would've gladly jumped into a pit if opportunity presented itself.

“So," Gideon is still talking to me. “Which dorm are you in? Hopefully it isn't at the top floor."

I'm about to apologize again but he stops me. “I'm in Hall 8. Room 24."

“Yes. You're in our dorms. I knew it."

I'm so confused. “Knew what? There was something to know?"

“I saw you from afar and I knew you had to be the last man we've all been expecting."

My palms are sweating furiously. “Who's we?"

“They're 6 people in each dorm room. You're the last one."

I'm sure I die a little.

Gideon leads me to our dorm. He shows me some spots that I could use. Crazy of him to point out a gym. If he hates my spaghetti arms, he's not the only one. In front of the door, I want to do a countdown to soothe my nervous muscles in the least.

I should've run that plan by Gideon because he throws the door open. “I have found our dorm's missing piece, “ he announces as he enters the room.

There is no hooting and hollering as is expected of college students, so, I know, there is nobody in there. I enter and gasp so loud my heart almost short circuits. There are two guys in the common area. One is on one of these couches in their make believe living room. While, the other one is eating cereal on the floor.

The look at me like I just grew two extra pairs of head. “So, this is, wait, I don't even know your name." Gideon places his hands on my shoulders, pushing me further into the room.

I was hoping there wouldn't be any need for introductions. “I'm Victor but please call me Vicky."

“Why?" The cereal eater shouts. It's so loud I flinch a little.

“That's a nickname Magnus. Deal with it. I'm Jesse." Magnus stretches his hand out for a handshake. Because I'm trying my very best to be a normal person, I take it. Should I smile? I'm not an expert in social situations so I stare deep into his eyes I can see my reflection.

Apparently it's a weird thing to do because it's weird in the room. Jesse uses the other hand not being held captive to ruffle his hair. I bite down the urge to put my fingers through it, not because it's romantic but because he's messy.

I let go finally. “I'm tired now. Can I go to my room?“

It's Gideon I'm looking at but it's Jesse who offers to take me. I hear Gideon say something about being late for classes. There's a small hallway from the common area. There are 3 doors on each side, labeled 1 to 6. I expect I would be in 6, but, Jesse was standing in front of door number 4. He opens the door and I'm welcomed to a garbage dump.

" Sorry about the mess. We just didn't think you were coming again so I got a little too excited about having a room all to myself. “

He tries his best to push all the fastfood wrappers and dirty laundry to one side. The cigarettes are thrown out the window. I want to tell him I don't care that he smokes but I don't.

" I'll let you get settled in and everything. Once again, welcome to college. “ He never told me the first time, but who cares? I return the smile on his face.