Chapter 4 : Confused

Pauleen’s POV 

It is the day before the Christmas party. Everyone is thrilled and happy about tomorrow but I feel nothing. I don’t feel any excitement, instead I feel sad. 

Is it because me and Michael are not okay? 

It’s only been 5 months since me and Michael started talking, we are not official but yeah he was courting me and I like him. I admit that I do like him. I like him in everyway. 

Michael was nice, smart and kind, he was like a dream for any girl out there but I guess everyone is not perfect. Michael is kind but there was something about him that I just can’t explain. There was something about him that felt weird. 

Well, it’s not that it will make me like him less but I guess it is also a down side. I should just call him. 

He promised me that we are going out after the party tomorrow. “Hey, are we still going out tomorrow?” and I smile as soon as he picks up my call. But my smile dropped on what he said,

“Hey, yeah about tomorrow? Can we cancel our plan tomorrow? it’s just that i have something urgent to do.” 

Cancel? cancel again, it’s like it’s the first time that he canceled our plan. 

“But you promised, you said that you would make it up to me.” “Pauleen, just tomorrow. We are going to see each other at the Christmas party aren’t we?” 

And just like that I turned my phone off. I felt so disappointed by what he said. What was something so important that he decided to ditch me again.

Well it was not the first time, actually it was the fourth time that he canceled our plan at the last minute. He always said that something urgent came up.

What would be that something that he is willing to ditch me everytime. 

I wonder if he is like that with his friends? Or does his friends know? Oh yeah, his friends. Jane, Cedrix, Angela, Lei, Hillary, and who was it again. 

Ian, his friend who is so quiet. Well I've had them before but i’m not really close with them. Especially with Ian. Ian is the youngest among them and he is also good at math just like what he said in the introduction. 

He is also nice, I've seen how he takes care of his friends. I wonder how he would take care of his girlfriend. What am I even thinking? I'm with Michael, his friend, so I should stop thinking about him that way. 

It was the day of the Christmas party, I was just wearing a simple white skirt and red top. It was just simple but i think it will do. 

“Pauleen! Wow, you're so pretty.” “Thank you, you too.” My friends greeted me as I entered the room. And there he was, Ian. He was standing there and looking… looking at me?

Is he looking at me? Or am I just assuming? 

I guess not, Ian would never do that to his friend. But he looked good. I must say that he looked good wearing that black trousers and white polo with his sleeve rolled up. 

Everyone was having fun, singing, dancing, and taking photos and Michael was nowhere to be seen. I didn't see him right after we played and now that we are eating, i didnt see him. 

I don't know where he is but there he is, Ian. 

He was just standing there looking at his friends while doing their own things, he was smiling at them and he looked cute. I wonder what he was thinking. He was just standing there looking at his friends. 

It was like he was admiring them doing their own things? Funny and cute right? 

“Ian” i called him, i called his name and he was looking at me. I don't know why I even called him. He is coming, he is coming to me. “Yes? Do you need something? Why are you alone, where is Michael?” He asked.

I laughed at him because of his sudden burst of questions. “Chill, one question at a time okay? first, no i don’t need something and second Michael just went out to get something.” but the truth is i don't know. 

I don't know where he is, he didn't even tell me where he went. I should have had a great time with him before the vacation but no. 

Ian, he is the one who’s with me right now. Standing in front of me and looking so embarrassed and cute? Wait, what, he looks cute. Did I just think that he looks cute? 

Did i just tell him that he looks cute? Damn, Pauleen are you out of your mind. He is your man's friend, what if he took it the wrong way. 

That was so embarrassing, i shouldn't have said tha but how am i supposed to do. 

Well, yeah he is cute. He looks cute just standing there. But he looked even cuter when he asked me and sounded so concerned about me being alone. 

Well he is cute but what am I feeling? Why am I feeling this way? I shouldn't feel like I have Michael, his friend. But why do I feel so secure with him? I feel at peace now that he was in front of me. 

It was a feeling that I've never felt before with him, Michael. That ease feeling whenever you're with someone that you like? 

But why do I feel that with Ian, is it because I feel empty? I feel sad that Michael is not with me? Or maybe i was just confused with the feel of having a friend by your side? 

This weird feeling, the feeling like I've known him for a very long time. I like Michael but how come that i feel so confused about what i feel towards him? 

What is this feeling? Do I like him? Do i like, Ian?