Chapter 6 : Contentment

Would it be worth the risk, to risk and tell her how I feel? But wouldn't be so rude because Pauleen is my friend's past or should i say the girl that my best friend used to like. 

It was the 2nd week of the Foundation Month. All of the students are rushing to finish their performance and even their presentation, a lot of things are going on. Sure there are a lot of things going on, just like in my mind. 

I can't seem to understand why I feel this way, I thought that if I didn't think about it, you would go away. But it wont, it keeps on lingering in my mind. 

“Hey, you okay?” “Ian, are you there?” Why do I feel this way, it’s not right. “IAN!” I stopped daydreaming and looked to my right. It was Lei, she was looking at me with an annoyed look. 

“What are you even thinking about? Look what you’ve done.” As I looked at it I saw the paint on the banner that we were making for the performance of STEM got ruined. 

“Do you even want to help, cause you are not helping right now.” “Yeah, sorry. I was just… I was just thinking about something.” as I bowed down my head. 

She’s occupying my mind too much, it’s not even looking good. What am I supposed to do? Should I tell her? Should I tell Michael? Or should I tell Jane about it? Jane? Yeah she would understand me right? 

Would she understand me? Uhhh, this is making me crazy. Yeah, I am crazy. But it’s not like i can control what i feel but i know that I can make ways to stop it? Or I cannot? 

“What are you even thinking? Are you okay?’ Lei said. “Yeah, I'm okay. I’m just, you know, excited and nervous for them.” ‘For who? For the performers? Tsk, you’re not even performing.” she said while laughing. 

That was true tho, i am not even performing. In fact what im gonna do is i’m just gonna hold this banner and cheer for them. 

“Haa.. finally, WE’RE DONE!” Angela shouted that made me look at her. It’s already 7pm, we just finished making their props and banners for the performance. We are done but the performers are not done yet. 

They have been dancing since 9am, they come here at school earlier than us and they are not finished yet. All of them are looking so tired. 

They all soaked wet with their sweat and some of them look like they don’t have energy anymore but they have to keep going. But there she is, she is smiling. Smiling and being everyone’s happy pill to keep up with the practice. 

“Ian, aren’t you going home yet?” Jane asked me, as I was standing in front of the field looking at the performers. “Huh? Oh yeah, I'm coming.” 

I walked towards Jane and looked at the field one more time. 

I can’t, I can't go home like this. 

They are not done yet or more specifically she’s not done yet. It’s almost 8pm. Who’s gonna take her home? Michael is not here anymore and they no longer go home together. 

“Ian, let’s go.” Hillary said and pulled me with her. “Let’s go, it’s almost 8pm.” 

I can’t, I just can’t. “I can’t go.” I said, as I pulled my arm from Hillary and as I looked at them they were looking at me with weird faces.

“What do you mean" I can't” huh? Are you just gonna stay here all night?” Angela said and I looked at her, am i just gonna stay just to wait for her? 

Am I really gonna wait for her? I mean, it’s already late and I'm worried about her. 

“I can’t go home yet, I'm just gonna stay for a while.” Fine, I'm just gonna stay a little bit and leave. 

“Fine, then we’re leaving okay? Take care.” Jane said, as I waved them goodbye. 

I’m just gonna stay a little bit and then leave. I’m not waiting for her but i’ll stay for a little bit. 

Seconds have passed, minutes have passed, hours have passed and I’m still here. I’m still standing here waiting for her. 

It’s already 10pm and i’m here, i waited for her. 

I thought that i would just stay for a little while and then leave but no, i stayed. 

I looked at the field and they were nowhere to be seen. Are they done? Where are they? Where is Pauleen? They were just there a few moments ago. 

As I was looking for them in the field, I felt a slight tap on my shoulder and when I looked at it. It was her, the girl that I was looking for, It was Pauleen. 

She was standing behind me holding her bag and looking at me with her beautiful smile. And my world just slows down, the world just suddenly slows down as I look at her. 

And that’s where I realized it, I can't stop it. I can’t stop this feeling. I can’t stop myself from liking her. 

I just know that I can't. 

“Hey, why are you still here?” as i was lost in my own thoughts, Pauleen tapped me again on my shoulder. “Hey, are you here with me?” I looked at her and she laughed at me. 

She looked so cute laughing, “Huh? Oh yeah. I’m with you.” This is embarrassing, I swear. I should stop daydreaming about her. 

“Okay so, why are you still here? Are you waiting for someone?” Yes, I am waiting for someone. I’m waiting for you. “Ahh no, I was just walking around. Just buying sometime alone since i don’t wanna go home yet.” 

What a lie Ian, do you think she will believe that? That was so stupid. I don;t even know what to say. “Really? Aren’t you going home yet? It’s already 10pm though.”

Yes, yes. I am going home since you are. 

“Oh yeah, I'm going home now. Are you going home too?” Nice Ian, you did not stutter asking her that. Why am I so nervous? I see her everyday at school though. 

I feel so nervous every time I'm with her. I mean, how can I not? She always looked at me with those bambi eyes. She smiles at me as if I'm the guy she sees at this school. 

Gosh stopped daydreaming Ian, I'm sure Pauleen only sees me as a friend and nothing more. But what can i do, it’s not like i’ll tell her how i feel. I am just gonna go with the flow, as long as I am with her. 

I am just gonna enjoy the moment, the feeling. The feeling that I feel in my stomach every time I am with her. I am just gonna enjoy this. 

As long as I see her, then I am contented.