Good Yo Mama Jokes Novels & Stories

At the company's annual gala, my CEO girlfriend made a special exception for the new intern and let him draw from the prize box as many times as he wanted. The first time, he drew my $300,000 year-end bonus. He blinked at me and laughed. "Sorry, Evan. But you're such a good guy. You won't hold it against me, right?" The second time, he drew my vice president position. My girlfriend, Vanessa Sloane, did not hesitate. She ordered on the spot, "Clear out the vice president's office immediately. From now on, he can transfer over and work as Ryan's assistant." The third time, he drew a public three-minute French kiss with Vanessa. Amid the cheering, Vanessa blushed and kissed him with lingering enthusiasm. Only after she caught sight of my stiff expression did she pull away, still unsatisfied, and say impatiently, "Ryan won the prize. This is a company benefit. You're a grown man. Don't be so petty." I let out a cold laugh, lowered my head, and texted the chairman at corporate headquarters. "Since when does our annual gala include a benefit where the CEO has to kiss someone?" "Dad."

Six months pregnant with my fated Alpha’s heir, I came home. And ran straight into my Beta ex at the airport. Kyle’s icy gaze raked over my swollen belly, and a cruel smirk twisted his lips. “Amelia. I never thought you’d sink this low. Trying to trap me with a bastard.” “You think you can just secretly have my pup, and I’ll bond with you? Make you my mate? Dream on!” He took a step closer, his scent thick with threat. I said nothing, meeting his glare without flinching. Contempt flashed in his eyes. “I told you before. Only pure-blooded Selena can give me an heir. That half-breed mutt in your belly? I’ll never claim it! If you know what’s good for you, you’ll get rid of it yourself!” When I didn't give him the reaction he wanted, he jerked his chin at the two wolves behind him. They tensed, ready to take me by force. "Since you refuse to handle this, I'll handle it for you," he snarled. "And if this ruins my chance to join the Blood Moon Pack, you are dead." I had to bite back a cold laugh. Little did he know, the pup he was trying to kill was the heir of Alpha Ethan—the Alpha of the Blood Moon Pack. He was the one who was truly dead.

When I was three years old, during a car accident, I was struck in the head by a car while trying to protect Mom. After that, the doctors said something inside my head had broken, and I'd never be quite right. Everyone back home called me the slow one. Late at night, I'd see her crying alone. On my seventh birthday, Mom took me to Manhattan, and that was when I discovered that she had a second home and another daughter, Charlotte. In front of strangers, she wouldn't claim me. She only let me call her Miss Eleanor. On the third night, She sat down at her vanity. On the table was a small black box. I thought it was a present. She opened the box and took out a black silicone bracelet, with a little light embedded in the clasp—small, dark, switched off. "This is called a TruthBand. It's something a company in California makes. The light turns green when you tell the truth, and red when you lie. If you wear this, Mommy will always know." She fastened it around my wrist. Tight. The little light blinked green. I thought that if I was good enough, she would love me the way she loved my sister. But then she made me do ski practice with Charlotte. Charlotte was a junior champion. "You're both my daughters. I don't play favorites. Whoever falls, gets punished." Charlotte never fell. I couldn't even keep my skis straight. Every single run, I was the one Mama dragged off the mountain and locked in the cellar. On Thanksgiving Day, Mama spent the whole afternoon cooking. I wanted to help. I dropped a bowl. She closed her eyes. When she opened them, they were red. She grabbed a little pill bottle off the counter, tipped my chin up, and forced something between my teeth. "Dumb as a rat. Are you happy now? Did you finally embarrass me enough? " I lay on the kitchen floor, gasping. While she wasn't looking, I scraped up three little pink pellets that had spilled and tucked them into my fist. Mommy, I told myself, I'll be good now, and then you'll be happy. Right?

During a charity gala, my boyfriend bids on a pair of matching watches but gives one of them to his true love. The media excitedly capture the scene and ask, "You bought a million-dollar watch without even batting an eye, Mr. Loewe. You've been single all these years—is it time for you to make an official announcement on your relationship status?" Everyone off stage applauds him, and I join them. I give him my blessings for his so-called announcement. To make it up to me, he attends my birthday celebration. Yet he pushes me into the cake to make his true love happy. Unbeknownst to him, there's a steel rack in the cake to keep it steady. I end up bloodied and on the brink of death.

To get rid of our pup and date with his assistant on Valentine's Day, my mate Marcus forced our injured pup to go rock climbing and poisoned him. When I rushed my dying pup to the hospital, I unexpectedly saw my mate accompanying his assistant for a prenatal checkup. Our terrified pup lay convulsing from the poison, but Marcus didn’t even care about him. "He's just an Omega. If he was a proper wolf, he'd heal instantly!" I clutched the $100 million Moonlight Blessing herb in my pocket. I accidentally found it in the forest this morning. I was planning to tell him the good news today. But now? It was time to break this five-year mate bond.

The housekeeper deliberately reveals her busty chest when I'm out of the house. She says coquettishly to my husband, "Oh, my. This is an accident, Mr. Houston …" My husband looks like he's focusing on his drink, but he keeps sneaking looks at her. I see all of this from the housekeeper's livestream.

My best friend, Sydney Cox, is a troublemaker by nature. She thinks everyone around her owes her a good life. During summer break, she insisted on working in a factory. I was worried that she might get tricked, so I let her work in my family's factory out of the kindness of my own heart. In fact, I even gave her the easiest position with the lightest work. But I didn't expect her to think that her salary was lower than that of the veteran employees in the factory, leading to her setting fire to my neighborhood. The blaze was far too strong. Even though the firefighters came as soon as possible, my family and I still ended up dying in the fire. When I open my eyes again, I've returned to the day before Sydney's first day in a factory.

While I'm in a bathroom stall, I overhear one of the new hires standing at the sink sharing some good news with his family excitedly. "I've passed probation. My salary is 12,000 dollars a month!" I sat there, swallowed by a heavy, resentful silence. I've been with this company for six years. In my first year, my salary is 6,000 dollars, and I didn't get a raise. In my second year, it's still 6,000 dollars. At the end of the year, I get a 5% raise, which is an extra 300 dollars. In my third, fourth, and fifth years, my salary stays exactly the same at 6,300 dollars. Currently, I'm in my sixth year. HR talks to me today and tells me that next year, I'll receive another 5% raise, bringing my salary to 6,615 dollars. At this point, I'm responsible for coordinating five separate projects. Because the workload is too much, the company hires three new employees for me to train. The newest one has just passed probation, and his salary is 12,000 dollars. It is nearly double of what I make after six years of working for this company. I walk out of the restroom and head straight for the HR office to submit my resignation. The HR manager is stunned as she asks, "Why?" I reply, "Because the pay sucks, and I'm tired of being miserable."

At the Blood Oath ceremony, right as my mate Alistair leaned in to kiss me, a voice suddenly echoed in my mind. [Sex with Gene is electric. Fucking Carys is like fucking a corpse.] It was Alistair's voice. I stared at him in shock, only to find him still smiling at me without missing a beat. Gene was a newborn vampire, recently turned. She was Alistair's subordinate in the North American Vampire Council. Right now, she was clinging to her new boyfriend Silas, a low-level vamp. A second later, Gene's voice rang in my head too. [Silas, that filthy thin-blood, can't even afford a simple moonstone charm. He's good for fetching things and not much else. Once I dump him, I'm going to be Alistair's true mate.] Then came the conflicted voice of the "thin-blood" she was talking about: [The Progenitor's trial is almost over. How do I tell Gene I'm about to be crowned the Prince of the oldest vampire clan?] How amusing. I had unexpectedly awakened the gift of telepathy. Even more surprising: My fiancé got his Council seat because of me. Now, everyone treats him like a king. While the true Vampire Prince was being treated like trash. Holding my goblet of premium vintage blood, I gracefully walked toward the thin-blood.

I don't kick up a fuss when Jasper Sutton's childhood sweetheart once again takes my spot in the front passenger seat. Instead, I obediently head to the backseat to sit with his good friend, Jonathan Clayton. When we drive along a bumpy road, my knee brushes against Jonathan's toned thigh. I deliberately leave it there, and he doesn't move. We stop for a break at a rest area. Jasper's childhood sweetheart clings to him as they head to the restroom. As soon as the door is shut, Jonathan grabs the back of my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. As I descend into the throes of passion, I can't help thinking it's no wonder people like to cheat.