Left Them, Loved Myself の小説・ストーリー

I knew now, the only way to truly be loved was to love myself first. I loved me, and that meant treating me kindly. Which meant not being in this house – this past – anymore. I ripped my arm away from my father’s touch and stormed toward the door. My mom stretched out both arms, totally blocking it. “We are not done talking about this!” Behind me, my father cleared his throat. “Let her go, dear.” Mom’s face scrunched in confusion. “But…?” “I suggest we all take breathers and speak about this again at a later time, with cooler heads.”

You never needed me, you only needed to believe in yourself.” I could feel my eyes blurring as I looked at my imaginative Aria. “You need to let me go. I have always loved you, my banana, but now you love yourself enough for the both of us.” “Goodbye, Aria. I love you,” I whispered softly.

I moved on and I'll never turn back now. It was just me, myself and I, about whom I cared. I didn't want another love. I left that girl in the junior year. I played music in my phone and danced for an hour to let go of all the fears that restrained me from loving my life. After that I opened my arms and let my weight fall on the bed. I was feeling like the happiest one on this planet. Maybe this was the best day of my life. And another thing it was my birthday now. It was 12:00, 17 June. I felt so contented somehow.

"Ohh…right…you mean the chance to change the sleepless nights you gave to me, the torturous beatings, the daily cursing, the daily reminder of always telling me I was nothing and can never be…." Tears were threatening to fall from my eyes but I did my best in blinking them back "Cat, I'm sorry please I haven't been the same since you left my life" I smirk wickedly and walk close to him, looking him straight in the eyes, I said "Wow, well trust me dear leaving you was the best thing I ever did for myself cause I wouldn't have discovered myself if I was still leaving under your shackles of love" "Sweetheart please…" He tried holding my hand but I flung his hand away, giving him the "fuck you"

I can not understand anything going on. "Keep an eye on these people." I got up and left, to my home. The house is cold and so empty. It's only a day we both confessed our love to each other. I planned to have some fun. Be happy for once, even though I can't guarantee my life, she went missing. My chest feels empty, like a spare space, I feel like my head is unstable, all my veins fail to carry my blood. There's only one way I can get these out of my head... I need to think straight.

Being left by someone you loved… Left for someone else… It breaks you in ways you can’t even name. And losing an innocent life because the person who left you took everything with them… That’s how self-destruction begins. And I felt all of it the moment he walked away from me. I lost my—

I said and left. ***

And now, my beloved Sam was running off with his boss from the grocery store… fu€king Luigi! I drug myself from my cocoon of wallowing heartbreak, walking to the bathroom of our 3 bedroom apartment. I normally left the door unlocked so Sam or the kids could use the restroom while I showered, but I needed my space and boundaries. I slid the lock across and pulled off the T-Shirt that was Sam’s in the hamper, “I’m pathetic, I want to smell the man who just crushed my world?!” I scoff out loud while looking at myself in the mirror. After 3 c-sections my belly was saggy and soft, I nursed my last 2 with baby led weaning so my EE breasts hung in an unattractive manner. No wonder Sam didn’t find m

And I wait for the moment I can leave this all behind. Even though I know I’ll never really leave him behind. Because I’m in love with a man who won’t choose me. And leaving doesn’t change that. It just means I chose myself instead. Finally.

I tell him, because why waste his time, why torture myself more. “Why not? Am I so bad, I can't be loved, because I am pretty sure you love me Sienna,” He says it as if he has always known it and I bet he has. “The day I love you, you are going to leave me.” My momma left, the Frankfurts too, and I am pretty sure the lady who gave birth to me and dropped me at the orphanage left. “But I will come back, this is who I AM!” He walks closer to me and I step back until my back hits the window.