Left Them, Loved Myself 소설 & 이야기

Solid. “I didn’t have to find a beautiful, loving, honest woman… break her heart… and leave her a single mother, sick and confused, with my blood behind.” Silence filled the room. “And I still made myself into something…” I finished, my voice quiet but cutting, “…you can never dream of having.”

“Emily…” “I’m in love with you.” I said, and a little burden lifted off my chest. “I love you. I’m saying I love you. Even if it’s stupid, crazy, and pointless, I’m saying it. Please, just don’t leave. I really, really love you. It’s been a while now, but I’ve been deceiving myself. Not anymore. I know what I want. Not John. No. No one, but you. I can’t help it.” I cried out, letting go of all I’d been burning to say to him, and the whole heavy feeling was lifted off my chest.

“Not because you were in a hospital room. I want you to know that when you wake up. I was already counting.” “I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you,” she said. The words came out quieter than the rest. Different in texture. Like something she had been keeping below a line and was only now saying above it. “I left because I didn’t know who I was when I did. I thought it had to be one or the other. Me or us. Becoming or returning.” She stopped for a moment. “It doesn’t. I know that now. That’s the thing I went and found out.”

“I thought you chose her. I thought everything you’d ever said to me was fake. I thought I’d been a fool loving someone who could throw me away that easy. I hated you so much… just to numb the pain enough to breathe each day.” “And I hated myself,” Zayn whispered brokenly, pulling her back tight against him, rocking her slowly back and forth, his hands stroking up and down her arms, her sides, and her hair holding her like he was terrified she’d dissolve right in front of him. “Hated that you didn’t trust me enough to just ask. Hated that my own stupid, stubborn pride wouldn’t let me keep begging when you acted like I was trash you could throw away. So eventually… I left town. Packed up ever

Each one so different, each one loving me in their own way, and all of them here tonight, for me. “I… I’m really lucky to have you guys,” I whispered. “Thank you—for reminding me that I’m loved, even when I almost forgot how to love myself.” That night, despite how chaotic it started, ended in laughter, warmth, and a renewed certainty in my heart: I wasn’t alone. As long as they were with me, I’d always have a reason to keep moving forward.

"Tell me why you're doing this to yourself." I was quiet for a long time. I thought about the past three years. I thought about the nights I spent in bars, drinking until I couldn't remember her name. I thought about the days I spent working, signing contracts, making deals and building my pack from nothing. I did it all to forget her. I did it all to prove I didn't need her. But it didn't work. Nothing worked. "She left me," I said finally. My voice was low. "She told me she loved me. She told me we would be together forever. And then she just left. She chose Flint. She chose a title and a crown over me."

After a long silence, I finally said, "I don't think I can love anyone right now." "That's okay." He smiled. "Love yourself first." That night, I lay awake for a long time. But for once, Adrian wasn't the only one in my head. Raul's words kept playing on repeat. Love yourself first.

“Goodbye, Ash.” One tear escaped my eyes and slid down my cheek. I quickly brushed them away. I still loved him, but I no longer wanted him. Staying in this unhealthy relationship would only break me little by little until I was left with nothing. And as much as I loved him, my friends were right: I should love myself a little more.

I had loved you like my own. -Evelyn King

I spent the night crying till I dozed off. * * * * * * It has been days since the announcement, and I still can't convince myself to leave my room. I had been cooked up in my apartment, throwing a grand pity party for myself. It was the first time I ever loved someone, and this is what I got: heartbreak.