My Mom's Favorite Son Nearly Killed Me
It's my seventh year of being homeless when Mom and I meet again in a five-star restaurant.
To celebrate a certain fake heir's birthday, Mom generously picked up everyone's tab at the restaurant, spending a million dollars. Meanwhile, I'm wearing an ill-fitting clown costume and performing various funny stunts for the guests.
After the performance, Mom eyes my winded state and scowls as she snaps, "This is the best you could do after you left without leaving a note all those years ago? You're an embarrassment to the Jacobson family!"
I flash her a professional, disingenuous smile. "I'm afraid you've got the wrong person, ma'am. A tip is welcome, though, if you liked my performance."
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