Snake Jokes Novels & Stories

The Kumiho my father chose for me hated me. He hated that he was my pet. When I turned eighteen, I decided to give him his freedom. However, it turned out that he was in love with one of our servants’ daughters, Rachel Lenford. I was crushed, but I could only accept it. I woke up from a good dream to find a silver-ringed giant python coiled around my body. It hissed at me while flicking its forked tongue. "Why do you like him so much? How about trying me out? I'm better than he is." Trying this snake out? How would that work?

BOOK ONE OF THE IMMORTAL SERIES “Over a hundred people have reported you for aggravated assault, vandalism of property, several attempts at bullying, invasion of privacy, and reckless driving. Who are you?” The stupid police officer in front of me asked as he continued to read out, “Kidnapping??” “Mark I think that is enough,” Zachariah intervened. Mark closed the file that had all of my detailed crime reports as he glared at me. “And so on,” he said, placing it on the table that separated us from each other. “What do you have to say for yourself?” he asked. I sniffed into the air as I exhaled out deeply, my back relaxing less comfortably on the iron chair as I answered with not a single show of concern at all. “What can I say? They all deserved it.” I cackled as I admired my gloves, having nothing but evil thoughts as I looked at them.  ____________________________________________________________________ Cursed since birth to become the Snake Goddess and wield supernatural powers way stronger than she can imagine, Eve is on a journey to become one of the greatest the immortal realm has ever seen, and she won't be on this journey alone. But with her amulet still missing and the world slowly drowning into utter chaos because of her, time can only tell if there has been a mistake made in handing over such powers to her, as there are secrets that lie ahead of her that can either rip her apart or make her stronger.

On the first day of our marriage, Abyron, the Snake King, and I formed an empathic bond. It was thus impossible for me to doubt his love for me. However, on the seventh day, he slept with two rabbit girls. I collapsed completely. It felt worse than death. He sighed and said, “Yoelle, snakes are naturally lustful. It’s not that I don’t love you. You simply can’t satisfy me. You may deal with the women around me however you wish, but I won’t divorce you.” At first, I killed the women he favored out of jealousy. Later, I stopped caring at all. Then he dismissed his entire harem for a human woman named Xena Lane. That was when I asked for a divorce. It was not because of jealousy. It was because my little lover was demanding his place.

I was reborn. Right back to the day I adopted Peter. The wind cut sharp, baby cries slicing through the cold. That's when it hit me—this was the day Stuart Pete, my oh-so-loving husband, dumped his illegitimate child right in my path after work. He knew me too well. The second I picked the kid up, he'd spin it into an adoption, making the boy ours. Last time, I fell for it. This time? I walked away without a second thought. Later, I heard the kid got pneumonia from being left out in the freezing cold—fever so bad, it wrecked him for life. I laughed until my stomach hurt. What I didn't see coming? Peter was reborn too—about to experience the life he was meant to have.

I've just left the washroom when Vanessa Shallow, who has just returned from her maternity leave, covers her mouth as she laughs at me. "Wow, you really are quick when it comes to bathroom breaks, huh? No wonder your sales performance is increasing by leaps and bounds! I suppose it's all thanks to your ability to take off your pants very quickly!" Vanessa acts as though she's joking as she starts making faces at the male colleagues around us. "Right, I forgot how prideful young ladies are nowadays! They can't seem to accept such truths when spoken in such a blunt manner!" The colleagues burst out laughing in a lecherous way afterward. Their perverted gazes keep clinging to my legs the whole time. As I stare at Vanessa's slightly bloated face, my gaze grows cold. It seems that she's so anxious to get her position as the project leader back that she's willing to shed even her sense of shame and propriety. I take a step forward and speak up. "I'm not as skilled as you are when it comes to such things, Vanessa. After all, not everyone is capable of making Mr. Studdard visit their home every midnight during their maternity leave." As soon as my words fall, the previously rowdy office goes deathly silent.

I suspected my husband was a detached ascetic. Every night, he'd skip to the backyard, muttering prayers under the stars instead of sharing our bed. When I slipped into something slinky, he'd frown and clutch his prayer beads like a lifeline. Now I was done with the cold shoulder, slapping a divorce agreement in his hands. That was when his thoughts started leaking into my head. "She touched me. Her hands are like silk. I'm dying to kiss her. When is she gonna be okay with me being a snake? I just want to cuddle her." "A snake?" I thought. "Does that mean he's packing two things? I have to find out." I leered at his chiseled frame, practically drooling. Before divorcing, I needed to test his things and my limits. I tripped purposefully and fell onto his toned pecs, ready to test the waters. "Whoops!" I gasped, setting the stage.

My name is Lennie Sherman, and I am a python handler. However, I gradually realize that the python doesn't quite like me. Every time we meet, it will always use its tail to hit my private part and then hiss in my face.

My husband, Theodore, was about to take his childhood sweetheart, Rosalie, around the world in a hot-air balloon when I was kidnapped by his enemy. They were about to throw me into a snake pit. I gave up asking Theodore for help and called my father-in-law instead. In my previous life, I begged Theodore to save me, even kneeling in front of the phone camera. Hence, he abandoned the hot-air balloon ride with Rosalie and rushed to negotiate with the kidnapper. Rosalie was all alone and angry. She took another hot-air balloon, but it exploded mid-way, causing her to die on the spot without even leaving behind an intact corpse. Hearing the bad news, Theodore showed a rare calm expression. He seemed to forget about Rosalie's existence and took me on a trip around the world. As we were sailing in Norwol, he suddenly pushed me into the sea. "I should never have saved you. Snake pit? Kidnapper? How could they have had the courage to push you into it? I should've never saved you if I knew it'd kill Rosalie. You should go to hell sooner!" When I opened my eyes again, I had come back to the day I was kidnapped. This time, I chose not to call for help. Humble love would only leave you bruised and battered.

During a dinner party hosted by the Cassano crime family, a lace garter stained with dried fluid dropped out of Matthew's pocket. He was the Don's son-in-law. When questioned, Matthew insisted I had tried to seduce him, failed, and planted my own underwear on him as a setup. In my past life, I was just a maid for the Cassano family. Simply because I had a killer body and a pretty face, the hot-tempered mafia princess, Caroline, refused to listen to a word I said. She had me fed alive to a venomous snake. My parents came seeking justice, only to end up at the bottom of the river. In this life, I faced Matthew's setup once again. "She sneaked into my booth and threw herself at me! When I rejected her, she planted this on me to ruin my marriage with Caroline!" But I was no longer a lowly maid. I held a Ph.D. in Economics from Yale and served as the Chief Advisor for the Visconti family, a global mafia empire.

My adopted sister won the Elixir Challenge by stealing my potion. To her shock, she was informed that the event was a selection event for the future wife of the Serpentkins' future head—the same heir who was infamously impotent, barbaric, and hideous. When the Serpentkins sent over a proposal letter, demanding her hand in marriage, my fiance panicked and promptly took my adopted sister away for a quick marriage and even consummated. Once the deed was done, she returned triumphantly, showing off the mark on her lower back. "Well, what are you going to do now, Winnie?" she gloated. "Your fiance is mine now, and you'll be twenty-five in three days. If no one comes to pick you up, you'll just be dumped into the hands of some wife-beating Rogue who is ageing and unwanted…" Actually, she was wrong—I had a choice. I went to the parlor where my parents—who were busy fixing the mess my adopted sister made—were, announcing, "If she refuses to marry the future head of the Serpentkins, I will!"