CHAPTER 5

THE THINGS I KEPT IGNORING

The next morning, I woke up with a dull ache in my chest. I had barely slept. Every time I closed my eyes, I heard Adrian's voice again. We grew up together. That's all.

I had repeated those words so many times in my head that they had started to lose their meaning. Or maybe I was simply trying to make them mean something else. My phone lay beside my pillow, and I stared at it for several minutes before finally picking it up.

There was no message from Adrian. I told myself I wasn't waiting for one, but by eight o'clock, I had checked my phone six times. By nine, I was angry with myself. Adrian and I had gone days without speaking before. Sometimes we argued. Sometimes he got busy.

It wasn't unusual. There was no reason for me to be acting like a woman waiting for a confession that had never been promised. That thought should have comforted me. Instead, it made my chest hurt even more.

I was halfway through preparing breakfast when my phone finally rang. Adrian's name flashed across the screen, and the relief that washed over me was so immediate that I almost laughed at myself.

I answered after the third ring, trying to sound casual. Hello? Why did you sound like you were waiting for my call? I froze. Adrian's voice carried that familiar teasing tone, and for a moment, I felt the tension from the night before disappear. I wasn't waiting. Sure.

I rolled my eyes even though he couldn't see me. What do you want? I'm hungry. I stared at the half-prepared breakfast in front of me. You have a kitchen. I don't know how to cook.

You absolutely know how to cook. Not well enough to survive. I laughed before I could stop myself, and Adrian was silent for a moment. Then I heard him smile through the phone. There.

That's better. What is? You were too quiet yesterday. I looked down at the counter. I was tired. Adrian didn't reply immediately. Then, in a softer voice, he asked if I was still upset.

I could have told him the truth. I could have said that his words had hurt me and that I had spent the entire night wondering what I meant to him. Instead, I reached for the easiest answer. No. You sure? Yes. Good.

The call ended shortly after, leaving me standing in my kitchen with the phone still in my hand. Adrian had called because he was hungry. He had joked with me because he didn't like my silence.

He had asked if I was upset because he wanted things to return to normal. That was all. I didn't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed.

A few days later, Adrian showed up at my dance studio without warning. I had just finished teaching a class when I saw him leaning against the wall near the entrance, his hands buried in the pockets of his jacket.

You look tired, he said. I wiped the sweat from my forehead. Nice to see you too. He smiled and held up a paper bag. I brought food. My eyes dropped to it. You brought me food? Don't make it a big deal.

I took the bag from him and peeked inside. My favourite meal was packed neatly in a container. I looked at him, unable to hide my surprise. What? Nothing. Why are you looking at me like that? I smiled. You remembered.

Adrian frowned as if I had said something strange. Of course I remembered. The words warmed me more than they should have.

He stayed while I finished cleaning the studio, and when I finally locked the doors, he offered to drive me home. We sat in his car with the windows slightly open, the evening air cool against my skin. I kept glancing at him until he finally asked what was wrong.

I told him nothing, and he laughed, reminding me that I had said that three times that day.

As he drove, I found myself thinking about the conversation from the night before. Do you ever think about the future? I asked. Adrian's expression changed slightly.

What kind of future? I shrugged. I don't know. Just life. Marriage. Family. Where we'll be in ten years. He gave a quiet laugh. Ten years? Yes. That's a long time. I know.

He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. I don't really think that far ahead. You don't? No. Why not? Adrian glanced at me. Because things change. I didn't know what to say to that. He continued driving, completely unaware of how deeply his words had settled inside me.

I looked at his profile and wondered if I was the only one who had ever imagined us years from now. Maybe I had been building a future alone.

That night, I lay in bed and opened the old notebook I kept hidden in the bottom drawer of my wardrobe. It was filled with things I had never said to Adrian.

Some pages were covered with random thoughts, while others contained memories I had been too embarrassed to tell anyone about.

I flipped through them slowly, stopping at memories of Adrian holding my hand under the table when we were children, waiting outside my dance classes and telling me I was the most beautiful girl he knew.

Then I stopped at one particular page. I love him. The words had been written years ago. I stared at them for a long time before closing the notebook. The following week, Adrian became busier.

His messages grew shorter, and our calls became less frequent. Whenever I asked if something was wrong, he told me he was tired. I tried not to notice, but I noticed everything.

Then, one evening, while I was sitting in my studio, a message appeared on my phone. Adrian: I need to tell you something.

My heart began to beat faster. I stared at the message, waiting for another one. A minute passed. Then five. I finally typed, What is it? The typing indicator appeared almost immediately, then disappeared.

It appeared again before vanishing once more. I frowned at the screen. Finally, Adrian sent another message. Are you free tomorrow night? I smiled despite myself. Of course. His reply came a few seconds later. Good.

I need you to help me with something. I stared at the words, my heart strangely light. I had no idea that by the next evening, Adrian would tell me something that would change the way I looked at our entire relationship.