Funny Text Messages Novels & Stories

My boyfriend did not like my big chest. He gave me five hundred thousand dollars to go for a breast reduction surgery. At the same time, a mystery man suddenly transferred me five million dollars with a note telling me not to listen to my boyfriend. I gripped my phone tightly and secretly replied to my boyfriend’s best friend’s text message. [If you want me to listen to you, money is not enough.] He immediately texted back. [What are you saying? I don’t understand.] I replied. [Forget about it. I’m heading to the hospital now.] As expected, he got anxious. [What else do you want?] [Do you have 7 inches?] [I have 10 inches.] [I won’t believe you until I see it for myself.] After that, he proved it to me through his actions.

Unable to take it anymore, I upload a photo of my husband, Johann Garner, holding hands with his secretary, Eva Ford, to the company's group chat. A long while later, Johann finally replies, "It's just something we do when we're working together. Those who are vile in nature will always view things differently from others." Messages from his colleagues begin flooding the group chat immediately. They all discuss whether or not I'm delusional. But I'm the only one who knows just how skilled Johann is at manipulating others as an expert manipulator. After muting the group chat, I look down at the ring Johann has slipped onto my finger when he first proposed to me. When exactly can I escape from the prison he has built around me?

Dr. Dianne Cruz lives a flawless life—too flawless for Rafael Aragon, a mafia leader who trusts patterns more than people. After secretly investigating her and finding nothing, he approaches her out of calculated curiosity… only to become dangerously obsessed. But when sealed archives tied to his father’s assassination resurface, a hidden file appears alongside it: The Cruz Incident — Protected Witness. Now encrypted messages, secret investigations, and buried conspiracies begin to surface, and Rafael realizes Dianne may not be an accident in his life. What he doesn’t know? Dianne entered his world on purpose. To uncover the truth behind her parents’ death. But the closer she stays to Rafael, the more dangerous the truth becomes—because their pasts may be connected to the same mastermind. And obsession was never part of her plan.

Adrian is a star hockey player by day and a secret OnlyFans creator by night. When his biggest online crush, a faceless but dangerously alluring creator, finally messages him for a collaboration, he jumps at the chance. But when they meet, Adrian is stunned to discover his mystery crush is none other than Julian Callahan—his biggest rival on the ice. Furious and embarrassed, he’s ready to walk away, but Julian refuses to let him go. What starts as a clash of pride and dominance soon turns into something far more dangerous. As tension rises and their secret meetings grow more intense, Adrian finds himself trapped between the rivalry he’s always known and the desire he never saw coming. But when their secret threatens to be exposed, he must decide—stay in the game or risk it all for the one man he swore to hate.

While my boyfriend, Caleb Lawson, is in the shower, I grab his phone on a whim and drop a message in the group chat he's in with his friends. "Guess who I'm with tonight." I expect them to say my name, but their reply blindsides me. "That freshman who used to chase you when you were a sophomore? She's obsessed with you. She's definitely easier than your girlfriend. Want us to swing by tonight?" My gut tells me he's hiding more than an affair. Just as I start scrolling through his messages with the freshman, a notification from her pops up. "Caleb, I agree to the threesome. I'll do anything you want." Seconds later, another message appears in the group chat. "Just be careful this time. We don't need another body on our hands."

After I turn five years of age and have my very own phone, I start receiving strange messages every single day. For some reason, the sender keeps referring to me as their mom. At 3:00 am, they send me another message. "Mom, I saw you in my dreams again. The rain is seeping into the attic. My stepmom told me to use a rag to soak up all the water, but the rag is too small. Even though I tried to wipe it up all night, it still wouldn't dry. Mom, I'm so cold and hungry. I miss you so much…" I tilt my head, looking at the rain pouring outside the window. I then earnestly reply, "Don't be scared, sweetheart. Where are you right now? I will bring you something yummy!"

A car accident leaves me unconscious for a full three years. When I wake up, my family bursts into tears of joy. They care for me with the utmost attention. But from their behavior, I sense something is wrong. There are women's clothes in the house that don't fit me. My mother's shopping cart is filled with mysterious baby items. My father's friends send congratulatory messages about a new child, and my husband is always working overtime. When my husband once again leaves me alone under the pretext that there is something urgent at the company, I secretly follow him. Inside a warmly decorated house, my parents and husband sit around a table. A woman who looks almost exactly like me is holding a baby just a few months old, gently coaxing the child to call my husband "Daddy".

On the day I get promoted to the department manager, I take my parents on a trip during the holidays. But my dad invites my older brother, Jacob Hunt, and his family over as well. He even posts on social media about the event. "My oldest son really is amazing. The first thing he does is sponsor a trip for me right after he receives his salary." Jacob comments on that post, "It's my duty to care for my parents." All of my relatives compliment Jacob right away. They even text me on the family's group chat and tell me to learn from Jacob. As I quietly stare at my dad's social media post, I decide to unlink the family sharing account from my credit card right away. This time, I want to see how Jacob will care for our dad without my money.

Debby Alessandro received a sudden text from her fiancee that he had anulled their engagement. Terribly heartbroken, she ran to her bestfriend's house to cry out her sorrow but she unexpectedly saw her fiancee and her bestfriend having s*x. She felt like her heart was being butchured by an heartless murderer. Having no where else to run to, she landed in a club where she angrily and recklessly drank herself to stupor. She unexpectedly woke up naked beside a strange man. She immediately parked her stuff and left the country. She came back five years later with her handsome boy. She didn't expect for her son to get her in trouble by deflating one of the tires of a Mercedes-Maybach. How will she deal with the fact that the owner of the Mercedes-Maybach was not only her CEO but that he also has a striking resemblance with her son?

Readers said. 'Very funny, I needed cold showers! I dropped my tablet in the bath! Totally original. Outrageous. The goddesses thread is totally original.' Goddesses - is this what 50 Shades should have been about? Connie Grimshaw, is now a successful businesswoman in an international consultancy. She reached these dizzy heights by believing her mother - work hard and reject emotional needs. On a business trip, the dam bursts and her libido refuses to be silenced. Her PA (Dee) helps her reconcile her lascivious feelings by using a series of parables from ancient goddesses. This works until the goddesses land her in hilarious, embarrassing and sometimes, dangerous situations as she develops the vamp in herself. But there are forces at work, which try to mismanage her feelings. Can she defeat the bad boys? Firstly, she has to deal with Greg, the evil misogynist.