I Hate Myself So Much Novels & Stories

​“This is Ava, my mate. Your new Luna.” ​The Alpha’s voice boomed across the clearing, and in that instant, my world came crashing down. ​I stood frozen, the heavy silence of the pack pressing in on me. I didn't know whether to move, to scream, or to simply collapse. My legs felt like heavy, even as my wolf thrashed inside me, recognizing the soul crushing scent of the man standing on the podium. ​Four years ago, he humiliated me in front of the entire school. He made me believe my feelings were something to be ashamed of; a joke to be laughed at. That night, I left everything behind: my home, my pack, and the boy who broke me. ​I never planned to return. ​But standing at the coronation of the new Alpha, fate betrayed me in the cruelest way possible. The mate bond snapped into place with a terrifying force, tying me to the very man I swore to hate forever. ​I try to run. He doesn’t let me. ​Now, I’m expected to stand by his side as Luna, to smile for a pack that once laughed at my tears, and to trust an Alpha who shattered my heart into a thousand pieces. He thinks he can own me. He thinks a bond makes up for the scars he left behind. But he’s about to find out, I’m not the girl he broke. I’m the woman who’s going to bring him to his knees.

In a world where shifting and finding a mate means everything, Natasha is an outsider. Meet Natasha, a twenty-one-year-old halfbreed who's wolfless, mateless, and seen as the omega/lowest in Hayden Kingdom. She's always been looked down upon and treated poorly but things change when she meets William Sinclair, the mateless Alpha. As they journey through their quests to find their destined mates, they hatch a bold plan to fix their issues. They'll pretend to be each other's fated mate at the mating ceremony, showing themselves to be deeply in love, fooling the Alpha Council and all of Hayden into believing they're soulmates. This way, they can escape being matched by society's standards. But with so much at stake and the danger of getting caught, one misstep could mean getting exposed and facing severe consequences. Will their scheme work, will they get caught, or will their staged romance evolve into something more?

As human fertility rates kept falling, the government created a matching system between humans and beasts. That was how I became engaged to the Blackwood brothers—two wolf beasts who never wanted me. For a year, I made coffee for both of them every morning.The older brother, Adrian, kept his distance, but he always took the mug and thanked me quietly. The younger one, Kieran, was all temper and sharp teeth. He snapped at me, broke the mug, and acted like I was a nuisance. I told myself this was fair. If I treated them the same, maybe one day this arranged bond would feel like home. Then my best friend saw it and asked, “Have you ever thought that treating them equally might be unfair to the one who’s actually kind to you?” I thought about that all day. Then one morning, I walked out of the kitchen carrying only one cup.

Now, after five years, Ava has come back as a beautiful damsel, not as an omega but as Alpha Ayar. Everybody wants Alpha Ayar for different things including her mate, Alpha Jo, who rejected and banished her. Ava now Alpha Ayar has to determine what to do with her past.

"Genie" His voice was barely a whisper, his breath warm against the shell of my ear. "This is so wrong, we can't be doing this." His lips find their way back to mine, trailing the bottom lip with his tongue. "So so wrong" He pulled my lower lips in, biting on them. I stifled a moan. "I know," I managed to say. I could feel the warm slickness ache between my legs. "We shouldn't be doing this. You're my step brother." My body doesn't agree with what my mouth is saying. I snuggled closer into his chest wanting to feel the heat of his bare body against mine. I want his mouth against mine, ravaging me like he had done before. We have gone too far to back out now. "Take me, Ryder" Those were the words he needed. Only those three words. Suddenly, he grips the back of my thighs and lifts me up, forcing my legs to wrap around him. Planting me against the wall, he peers up and look straight into my eyes "You're mine" Then his lips came down on mine. I'm yours. I whispered back in the back of my head. ******** Ryder Saint, for years, has bullied me. Reasons? None. It was like he signed a contract from heaven to make my life hell. From the moment he set his eyes on me, he added my name to his list. Don't be fooled by his last name. It's a charade, he's not anything like it. Everything about Ryder Saint smells evil. His heart, dark. His soul, dark. His aura, dark. Except his face. I should have neglected him like I always have, but I couldn't when our parents decided to tie the knots and he became my stepbrother. He and I, under the same roof.

I sensed his presence before I ever saw him, my mate... I looked up to meet amber eyes gazing at me confidently. Zane Black, Alpha of the Blue moon pack, was gorgeous, powerful and just what every woman dreamed of… or so he thought. “Hello, mate...” he said with a smirk. I looked at him blankly for a moment before I slowly smirked at him. “I reject you, Mr. Alpha,” I said in a bored tone. His brows furrowed as he stared at me uncomprehendingly. Then slowly realization dawned and his expression changed to disbelief, pain and finally rage.  “You reject me? You think I am not worthy to be your mate? I promise you, the day will come when you will beg for my love. You will regret rejecting me. That day, I will be the one who will have the last laugh,” he vowed. “Let’s see, Alpha. I will just tell you one thing. I, Kayla Xanders, had never ever tasted defeat in my life till day,” I said confidently.  I watched his eyes go wide in shock as he heard my name. Before he could reply, I turned, and walked away from him. Bring it on, Alpha. Let the games begin. __________________ An unexpected rogue attack changed the life of Kayla Xanders. She lost her family as well as half of her pack. At just sixteen, she took over as the Alpha of the Crescent moon pack and vows to avenge the murder of her family. Seven years later, she had become a ruthless Alpha, feared and respected by all. When she meets her mate, Zane, a playboy with an attitude, she rejects him outright. Soon, they start their games against each other. Why did she really reject Zane? And will he ever win her over? 

My husband was the long-lost heir of the Riso mafia family. In my previous life, my husband Titus Holt's childhood sweetheart, Melissa Gunther, falsely accused me of stealing her family heirloom bracelet. It happened two days before I was set to leave the slums. Just as I was about to defend myself, Titus forcefully dealt with this matter and led Melissa and me out of the slums and back to the Riso family. I thought Titus did so because he trusted me, but then I heard Titus tell Melissa, "Noelle may not be honest, but she's Christian's mother. I can't let her bear the reputation of being a thief." Looking troubled, Christian also commented, "I don't want a thief as a mom. Dad, why did you bring her back? Wouldn't it be better to have Ms. Gunther as my mom?" I felt a chill run through me. It turned out Titus had not done all this out of trust; he just felt I was too embarrassing. Even my son had hated me his whole life. In the blink of an eye, I was reborn back to the day Titus suppressed public opinion. I silently booked a ticket to Swizor. On the day Titus took my son and Melissa back to Napple, I would leave and never see them again.

Vera Quinn and I spent seven years tearing each other apart in the corporate world. When we first started, she sabotaged my presentation slides, hoping to watch me humiliate myself in front of the board. I retaliated by flagging her fraudulent expense reports to HR, making sure her name was dragged through every department in the company. When we were both up for the director position, she locked me in a supply closet to make me miss the final interview. The moment I got out, I poached a major client she had been pursuing for six months, leaving her at the very bottom of the year-end performance rankings. In our industry, we were fire and water—completely incompatible. Then three years ago, the endless scheming finally felt hollow. I handed in my resignation and walked away from the industry for good. The day I packed my desk and left, Vera was leaning against the elevator door, her eyes full of mockery. "Giving up already? Mylo, a cowardly deserter like you deserves to starve on the streets". I hit the "close" button, swearing I never wanted to see her face again as long as I lived. Three years later, we crossed paths again at the industry’s annual gala. Vera was now the youngest partner in the industry. She looked at me as I stood there, humbling myself to pour drinks for an executive, and let out a sharp laugh. "It’s been a few years, and you’ve fallen this far? Working as a glorified escort to scrounge up some investments? What happened to that pride you used to fight me with?" But I wasn't there to secure any investment. I was there to beg that executive for a few more days to pay off the predatory loans my father had left behind. I just needed enough time to sign the consent form for my stomach cancer surgery with a clear conscience.

After the Covenant Gala, Mother handed me a list. The names of every vampire at the banquet. I was to choose a blood-bound mate. This time, I didn't choose Damon Blackwood. I didn't choose anyone on her list. I chose Caspian Blackwood. Damon’s ancestor. The true Monarch of the Blackwood clan, slumbering for centuries. Mother’s jaw dropped. Everyone knew I’d spent centuries chasing Damon. But they didn't know the truth of my last life. After our blood bond, he refused my touch, my bed, my very existence. I told myself he was consumed by Covenant affairs. When no heir came, I blamed myself. Then I found it. The truth. It had always been her. From the very beginning. My sister, Delia. He never came home because the sight of me repulsed him. But this time, as Caspian and I stood at the altar, our hands clasped to seal our bond… Damon snapped.

I went to sleep a nobody. I woke up a Queen. One night I was just a broke, exhausted college girl. The next, I opened my eyes in silk sheets, with strangers bowing and calling me Luna Queen. The face in the mirror is mine. The body is mine. But the life isn’t. The bruises on my wrists tell a story I don’t remember, and the King I’m bound to doesn’t love me—he loathes me. They whisper that his mistress rules the palace. They say the Queen was weak. Silent. Broken. But that was before me. Now I must survive a palace that wants me dead, a King whose touch burns as much as it scars, and a kingdom waiting for me to fail. The old Luna Queen bowed to cruelty. I am not her. And if this King thinks I’ll kneel, he’s about to learn what a true Queen is made of.