Two Blondes Walk Into A Bar Joke Novels & Stories

At the annual company raffle, I had barely stepped onto the stage when my supervisor, Lily Smith, pressed a crumpled slip of paper into my palm. "A special reward for our top salesperson," she chirped. "Go ahead, open it. Let everyone see." Under the eager gaze of the crowd, I unfolded the note. Written in messy handwriting were the words: Clean the company toilets for three days. The room erupted in laughter. Lily folded her arms, cocked her head, and smirked at me. "Nice, right?" she said. "Everyone knows those sales of yours came from sleeping with old men. Dirty money. To keep things fair, the others get a break, and you pick up a little extra work. You don't have a problem with that, do you?" The laughter surged again, nearly lifting the roof. From the side of the room, my boyfriend, Seth Hoffman, the company's CEO, watched everything unfold. As usual, he said nothing in my defense. They all thought I would fall apart, cry, or make a scene. Instead, I simply gave a calm nod. The very next day, the company was hit with over three hundred property cancellations. Its cash flow collapsed overnight. That was when Lily and Seth rushed to me, demanding I go plead with the buyers. I smiled and said, "No thanks. I wouldn't want to help the company recover and end up with strong numbers again. That might make everyone even more uncomfortable."

In the second year of our marriage, my husband cheated on me with his first love and even had the audacity to ask me to step aside. So, I activated the system and made the two lovebirds swap bodies. Now, I couldn't wait to see if the husband burdened with a massive debt in place of his dream girl, and the dream girl waking up to a fortune overnight, could still maintain the “unbreakable love” they claimed to have.

When my husband, Alessandro, brought his widowed sister-in-law, Anna, back to our home in this life, I stopped putting up a fight. I decided to step aside and give them my blessing. Heck, I even made all their intimate moments possible. I handed over my promise necklace, wedding ring, and even the token of a Donna’s authority to Anna. In my previous life, Alessandro’s love and attention had gone to Anna even though he and I had been married for three decades. On my birthday, he was away, keeping her company at a doctor’s appointment. When I lay on my deathbed, he was busy watching the fireworks with her. Even our children resented me for taking Anna’s place. “A Don of the Colombo family can’t even be with the woman he loves. You have trapped Papa in this marriage. Mama, can’t you set Papa free?” By the time I opened my eyes, I was back to the year Alessandro moved Anna in. This time, I would walk away without looking back.

My best friend loved playing 'jokes.' On my birthday, she projected my worst photos in front of everyone, saying she just wanted to 'liven up the mood.' When I was on my period, she deliberately gave me a defective pad. Even when she saw the stain on my clothes, she said nothing–claiming she was helping me 'get more attention.' After I started dating, she edited my photos into suggestive images and spread them across social media groups, pricing them like a product. When I finally snapped and confronted her, she just laughed. "I'm just helping you test your boyfriend," she said. "If he doubts you, then he doesn't really love you. How can you blame me?" Later, a man used the information from those posts to track me down and harm me. I did not survive what followed. However, when I opened my eyes again, I was back to the day she first shared those images.

After clawing my way to the top and driving out the first wife, I lived by one rule only. Whoever paid was king. So I became Jesse Fleming's perfect trophy wife. He liked innocent, delicate girls, so I looked at him with wide, clear eyes. He hated materialistic women, so I wore faded dresses and told him love could conquer anything. Then he fell for a wild, redheaded girl from the streets. "You can't give me what Gina does. Let's break up." He slid a bank card across the table. "Sarah, sign the papers, and the 50 million is yours. You don't want to walk away with nothing, do you?" I looked down at the agreement, clenching my fists. Then a live chat popped up. 'Just sign it already. He's got HIV. You'll die if you stay with him!' I was about to sign the papers, but froze and tore the papers into pieces the next second.

On the day my wife, Abigail Jefferson, and Dominic Gorman, the university student she has been sponsoring, post their pre-wedding photos on their social media feed, I don't lash out at them crazily as I usually do. Instead, I leave a like and a comment on their posts. "You two make a great couple. Everyone, let's give our blessings to the newlyweds." Everyone in elite society thinks of me as the most cowardly husband ever, who lets the side piece make a doormat out of him. One week later, Abigail comes home and explains, "This is just an act. Dominic's grandma is ill, and she wishes to see him get married before she passes away." I just nod calmly in return. "I didn't take it seriously. Of course, I believe you." In my previous life, I showed up at Abigail and Dominic's wedding to cause chaos for them. Naturally, their wedding couldn't go on because of me. Abigail began targeting my parents' company in order to punish me. My parents ended up going bankrupt and were forced to jump off a building. She had me admitted into a mental asylum, where I was tortured to insanity. Now that I'm given a second chance in life, I no longer yearn for Abigail's love. I just want her money this time. Every time she cheats on me, I'll transfer some of her assets to my name. Abigail now has three more chances before she ends up losing everything.

After being reborn, I cut off every line of contact with Maxwell Sutton. He chooses Elmshore University, so I change my application to Stonewick University instead. My goal is to stay far away from him and never cross paths again. When he comes back to the country for holidays and tries to meet up, I fly abroad. I block him on social media and stop replying to his emails. The moment he joins the same company as me, I hand in my resignation. I don't even want to see him from a distance. In my previous life, I was obsessed with him for 20 years, and he betrayed me for 20 years. I was diagnosed with a terminal illness in my 30s. While I took my last breath, Maxwell was busy planning a wedding with his first love. The daughter we raised adjusted his suit like the perfect child, while I died alone in a hospital room. And now, I refuse to live that ridiculous life again.

Luna Astrid had been a faithful and dedicated partner to Alpha Jarvis and the entire Emberclaw pack. She took care of the pack when Jarvis was away. She was happy when she learned that Jarvis would be coming home. She waited, only for him to come back with a lady he claimed was his fated mate. Astrid was torn apart. Yet, Jarvis assured her that bringing another woman to the pack wouldn't change anything between them. A situation occurred, and Astrid was accused of theft. She pleaded innocent, but no one listened. She was subjected to the walk of shame, forced to walk naked in front of the entire pack. With certainty that her world had come to an end, the twisted and dark alpha of the Shadowfen pack took her in. He trained her, and she became one of the best warriors in Veridian. When tragedy struck the Emberclaw pack, Jarvis ran to the Shadowfen pack to ask for help. "How dare you ask for my help after what you let them did to me?" Astrid demanded. "I'm sorry, Astrid. I was lost and following the pack orders. You should come home." Jarvis pleaded on his knees. "I'm sorry to disappoint you. Astrid belongs to me and to the Shadowfen Pack." Soren pulled Astrid to his side, not willing to let her go. Would Astrid go back to her pack, to the man she once loved or stay with the man that had saved her?

Rebecca Allen thought Lilac Grove was a great place to start over, away from her abusive ex-husband. But people are going missing. There’re too many hunters ready to shoot anything that moves around for everyone’s comfort. Now, the drop-dead gorgeous owner of The Wolf’s Den Bar, Robert Northgate, is missing. Rebecca was one of the last people to see him. It’s not even lunch. On the way home from work, Becky finds an injured wolf on the road. The wolf is lucky, she’s the new town vet. Robert Northgate’s day isn’t going any better. He’s under pressure to keep the money flowing for his pack. Times are hard. Though the annoying hunters are at least spending some money like it’s water but there are too many shoot first types around for Robert’s comfort. As the Shadow Mists Pack Alpha. It gets worse when he’s attacked rogue wolves in his territory. They leave him for dead on a rural road. On the same day, he meets his very human mate. How can he explain the existence of werewolves to Rebecca? It’s Robert’s job to protect his people. But his mate is a lowly human and prejudices run deep with the elders. Can he find love with his mate without losing his pack’s confidence? Can he stop the disappearances and find the missing people? Will he be able to stop the rogue wolves from taking his territory before some hunter shoots first and someone dies? Original Cover Design by Central Covers

"Hey Jerry, that's my daughter! Where do you think you're touching?" My colleague, Jerry Steele, has had too much to drink in the bar. He's mistaken my daughter, Maya Glover, for an escort of the bar. His hand keeps roaming across her thighs. At one point, he almost reaches up her skirt to touch her. What's crazy is that Maya seems to enjoy the way Jerry touches her, based on how horny she seems. Then, I look at Jerry's daughter, Lucinda Steele. Her chest is so big that her top is about to burst from the pressure. In that case, don't blame me for what I'm about to do to your daughter, Jerry!